Last thread about this for a while, I promise.

[verycontrary247]

This afternoon H called my brother trying to get into contact with me (since he didn't have my new phone #). I agreed to speak to him if he would come to my parents house and he did. Basically he starts off with the whole "I'm really sorry for what I did, I'm willing to work this out" speech (plus added "at the advisement of my master chief your phone is back on"). This is where I usually cave and take him back yadda yadda. I calmly informed him that was nice but I still want a divorce and that I've talked to a lawyer. He seemed very surprised and upset but said okay. I told him how long we needed to be separated and what separation entailed. I told him at some point during that 6-12 month period we need to get a separation agreement written up and signed, then went into how I will be requesting spousal support and how that number was calculated.

Theeeeeen he drops a bomb that he got in trouble at work (for falling asleep on watch and then trying to lie and say he didnt) and that he could get kicked out of the military for this, lose rank, or just get a reprimand but he isn't sure what's going to happen yet. (side note: I'M SO PISSED. Of course this happens when my spousal support is going to be based on rank and how much he's making. What happens if he's unemployed? Would I just be totally fucked?)

We continued to talk about living arrangements. It was decided that I will stay here in the condo and he will stay with his parents for the time being and we arranged a day for him to come over with FIL to get clothes/etc. He says he was also told by his master chief that he was not allowed to change any of our financial arrangements. I told him I'm switching my direct deposit to my personal account and will only be using the joint account for bills and cat-related stuff. We briefly touched on who would take what (I get the cats!) and agreed that we will probably need mediation about the division of money and debt. He will get the nicer car that still has a payment on it and will sign my older car that is paid off back to me. He will pay to have the AC and the wonky window on my car fixed before the summer. I'm okay with this.


Overall this conversation went more smoothly than I had anticipated. Here's to hoping he manages to keep his goddamned job. 

[Deleted]

Wow. That seems really positive. Keep it up! I hope he holds up to his end of this bargain.

Can he really lose his job for that?

[bab]

I'm sorry you are going through all this. I think I missed your backstory. What happened? Did your H have an affair?

[mamasaurus]

Well thank goodness he grew a pair and stopped being a child about it. Hopefully things will go smoother for you henceforth!

[goaskalice]

Well, I'm very proud of you for sticking to your guns. There is no reason to go back now, stay strong! Hopefully he won't lose his job, I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

[Deleted]

((Big hugs)). My gut is saying he's being over dramatic about losing rank for falling asleep on watch. But I am glad you were able to talk it out with him and come to an agreement of sorts

[janegold]

I know there's still plenty of negative to the situation but it is really good that you guys were able to get some of the important basics hammered out quickly and reasonably.

[girlfriday11]

You are doing great! I'm so happy to hear this update. Keep strong, girl!

[gault]

Don't let him guilt you into feeling sorry for him.

You're doing a great job!

[rex]

I'm glad you stuck to your guns and that you had a reasonable conversation about all of it!

Here's to hoping he gets his act together at work.

[Deleted]

Good for you for being so strong. I'm glad you are able to stay in the condo. Be good to yourself tonight and give your cats lots of hugs.

[Gato]

You go! I'm impressed by how you've been handling this. I really hope he gets his act together at work and things continue to proceed smoothly.

[kcr1972]

Chances are he will end up with extra duty or barracks restriction for falling asleep.(article 15) . They could dock his pay. Used to be $150. They don't kick people out for that unless it is a chronic problem but chances are you would hear about it by now. I have seen people do much much worse and stay in.

He probably wanted pity since you had just told him you wanted a divorce.

[verycontrary247]

Mar 22, 2013 20:08:41 GMT -5 bab said:

I think I missed your backstory. What happened? Did your H have an affair?

I don't think I ever really told it.

One day I was paying bills and noticed a weird charge on a credit card neither of us is supposed to be using since we're paying it off. I initially assumed the CC # must have gotten stolen but I thought I'd check H's browser history to make sure it wasn't some dumb game he bought. Initial history showed no matches, but it looked like there were big chunks of time missing from it. I did a selective search and it brought up an email address that I did not recognize and a quote from an email "you have cancelled your subscription to :insert dating/hookup website here:" That led me to try to login to this mystery email. Couldn't figure out the password, but I was able to access it because I knew H's secret question. This thing was pretty much packed with dating/hookup/singles websites. I went and logged into some of them and he had created a fake alias for himself, but was using his pictures. Chatting with a bunch of women, asking them to meet-up etc.

That night H was said he was going to bed, but then I was pretty sure he just wanted to go into our room so he could continue his bad activities while I watched Star Trek out in the living room. I went in there and he immediately pressed the home button from what looked like a text. I asked him who he was texting and he was like no one I'm playing this game blah blah. I asked to see his phone if he didn't have anything to hide and he refused and told me to leave him alone. I then asked if :alias name: meant anything to him, and he had the nerve to lie and deny it. At this point I'm extremely pissed and was like "'IVE LOGGED INTO ALL THE ACCOUNTS, I KNOW IT'S YOU. DO YOU THINK IM AN IDIOT?! GIVE ME YOUR PHONE" Then he locked himself in the bathroom, probably to destroy the evidence. At that point I decided to leave.

Do I know if he actually had a physical affair? No. But I do know he was certainly actively trying to. 

[verycontrary247]

Mar 22, 2013 20:37:44 GMT -5 kcr1972 said:

Chances are he will end up with extra duty or barracks restriction for falling asleep.(article 15) . They could dock his pay. Used to be $150. They don't kick people out for that unless it is a chronic problem but chances are you would hear about it by now. I have seen people do much much worse and stay in.

He probably wanted pity since you had just told him you wanted a divorce.

It's not just the falling asleep. Apparently the denial and general insinuation that an officer lied about him falling asleep made it way worse.

I have no fucking clue why he can't just tell the truth, especially when the truth is ridiculously obvious.

[caffeinebean]

Accusing an officer of lying is a big deal, but not big enough that they'd discharge him. Neither is falling asleep on watch. My guess is that he was trying to scare you since you brought up spousal support.

But you're handling this wonderfully and it's awesome that you're sticking to your guns instead of going back to him.

(((VC)))

[wannabe]

I don't think you have to keep from posting about what's happening. In fact, judging from the outpouring of support from the board, we'd probably prefer it so we know you're okay!

Hope it continues to go smoothly for you. It's not fun, but in the end you'll be happier!

[kcr1972]

Mar 22, 2013 20:58:16 GMT -5 verycontrary247 said:

Mar 22, 2013 20:37:44 GMT -5 kcr1972 said:

Chances are he will end up with extra duty or barracks restriction for falling asleep.(article 15) . They could dock his pay. Used to be $150. They don't kick people out for that unless it is a chronic problem but chances are you would hear about it by now. I have seen people do much much worse and stay in.

He probably wanted pity since you had just told him you wanted a divorce.

It's not just the falling asleep. Apparently the denial and general insinuation that an officer lied about him falling asleep made it way worse.

I have no fucking clue why he can't just tell the truth, especially when the truth is ridiculously obvious.

I didn't see that part for some reason. Yeah, that isn't good but if he has never been in trouble they wont kick him out. But he can get in trouble.

[verycontrary247]

Mar 22, 2013 21:14:41 GMT -5 wannabe said:

 It's not fun, but in the end you'll be happier!

That's my mantra right now!

[brandienee]

Mar 22, 2013 21:14:41 GMT -5 wannabe said:

I don't think you have to keep from posting about what's happening. In fact, judging from the outpouring of support from the board, we'd probably prefer it so we know you're okay!

Hope it continues to go smoothly for you. It's not fun, but in the end you'll be happier!

All of this...

I just caught up and I am so angry for you. You deserve so much better than that.

[pittsmcgee]

You are going to be so much better off.
Thank goodness it only took 4 years to see it. Fuck him.

[karmasabiotch]

I'm glad the talk wasn't awful. Stay strong and make sure he's held accountable. Talk to a lawyer as soon as possible. Protect yourself.

[sherbanator]

I posted about an hour ago but i guess it didn't work, grrr. All I basically said is there is no telling what his punishment is going to be especially with force shaping. Getting kicked out is not outside the realm of possibilities especially if there is more to the story. I have seen minor offenses get big punishments and things that were huge just Get a letter of reprimand. You honestly never know, the same crime has many dIfferent outcomes as far as what will happen to the serVice member. It is not black and white.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

[mollz007]

verycontrary247 I am so sorry about what you are going through! I just got caught up on your backstory and I'm sorry that you are dealing with all that! It sounds like you are being very strong. Hang in there!

[Deleted]

I'm glad that went well! Good job for sticking up for yourself and taking care of yourself! You'll be so much happier and healthier in the end. And congrats for keeping the cats!!