things that never mattered

[FastHands]

One of the hardest things for me now is that things that mark the passage of time -- stupid little things -- absolutely kill me.
-Having to buy a new bottle of prenatal vitamins
-Getting an email that I'm eligible to donate blood. again.
-paying quarterly business taxes
-buying a new toothbrush head

any one of those is now enough to ruin a day if not a week. I'm on the verge of giving up, just because I am so tired of trying to pretend I'm ok. Maybe if we quit trying I could find a way to be ok with that. It's ridiculous and woe-is-me, but I can't help it.

[belovedbride07]

(hug) (hug2)

I'm sorry you're feeling that way.  This is really hard.

New bottles of PNVs do that to me every time.  "There's a million tablets in here!  Why wasn't I pregnant before the last bottle ran out!?"

[Deleted]

Completely agree. I'm on the verge of giving up too. I know people have been trying for way longer than me, but if something doesn't work first time, I move on to something completely different. So I booked a holiday to Japan, and I'm focussing on that right now. I don't think I was meant to be a mother.

[Deleted]

- Buying next season's wardrobe. I went ahead with buying summer stuff b/c most likely I will still fit in it all.
- Planning my travel through the end of 2013. We have a national meeting in October which I would have had to skip if I was pregnant last cycle. I'm not too upset about this one because I do love seeing my colleagues.

It is weird. If we weren't trying, I wouldn't be upset/bummed at all. But because we are trying and it isn't working, it is maddening. I could totally see giving up just to avoid further disappointment.

[awick14]

((Hugs)) to all you ladies.

[coribelle26]

I hear you. Completely.

[midwest07]

For me, it's thinking about events coming up where it would be fun to announce a pregnancy (like a family event such as Easter), then the time comes and goes and still no BFP. Or, I have two formal events coming up in April - when putting them on the calendar last fall, I thought it would be hard to find something to wear (as I should have been really pregnant by that time) and I wouldn't be able to drink. Well, now they are 3 and 4 weeks away and I just bought a dress in my normal size and will most likely be able to enjoy the wine (which could be nice if the crowd is boring!).

[FastHands]

Yeah, I've totally put announcing pg out of my mind now. I had 3 or 4 trips to see family or family seeing us, and it just broke my heart every time. I think I've been subconsciously putting off making my next trip to see family hoping that I'll be pg... but I need to go up before May for logistics reasons, sooo I need to just do it.

[coribelle26]

Here's one that's bothering me, my best friend is planning a wedding for April 2014. A month or so ago she told me that she was sad that I would either have a tiny baby or be pregnant for her wedding because I wouldn't be able to have fun. (As opposed to having an almost-one year old if I had gotten pregnant when we started trying.) It took a lot of restraint to say, either of those scenarios would pale in comparison to how un-fun I will feel if neither is the case.

ETA: I just realized I missed a word, I meant that it took restraint to NOT say that to her.  In reality I just smiled and mmm-hmmed.  Argh.  I'm trying not to go on and on about TTC to her because it turns into a "at least you got married at 25 and could have had kids sooner if you wanted to, I'm 31 and just now about to get engaged" debacle.  I don't feel like a "whose life sucks worse" contest is going to be good for either of us.

[FastHands]

Yeah, I have a work obligation requiring travel and a lot of physical work in October. I booked it over a year ago, and when we started trying, I thought it would be a great vacation since I'd have a young baby and probably need a break. Then it was "oh crap, if I get pg now, I can't even go.." and now it's slowly becoming "well, I'll be 7 mos pregnant..." etc etc

[vmars]

I would love to be pg by the summer...we have a family vacation to Rehoboth Beach with the best food which I'd love to indulge in guilt free We are also going to Kiawah Island in June which would be a great early baby moon.

[Monica Geller]

((Hugs)) to all of you! I feel the same way on most of these things. I break down buying tampons... so I comfort myself with margaritas, which make me cry more because I never thought I'd be upset at being able to drink.

[Monica Geller]

Mar 25, 2013 11:12:43 GMT -5 coribelle26 said:

Here's one that's bothering me, my best friend is planning a wedding for April 2014. A month or so ago she told me that she was sad that I would either have a tiny baby or be pregnant for her wedding because I wouldn't be able to have fun. (As opposed to having an almost-one year old if I had gotten pregnant when we started trying.) It took a lot of restraint to say, either of those scenarios would pale in comparison to how un-fun I will feel if neither is the case.

I applaud your restraint in not throat punching her.

[HoneySpider]

Just want to give hugs to those who need them!

[Deleted]

I hear you. Hugs.

[simpsongal]

<Hugs> to all.

I feel bad because it hasn't even been that long. But I'll definitely be here seeking comfort if I don't get a BFP this cycle. Younger SIL is due to give birth any day - I've been fighting baby envy on so many levels. There are no other babies in the whole family or my friend circle, so I"m pretty sure this is going to make me feel awful.

[thoseareradishes]

Congrats on the puppy TR!

As for TTC, yeah, the disappointment every cycle is getting old.  I hear everyone on that.    I said to H this morning, what happens if I don't get pregnant?  What am I going to do with myself (job wise)?  We have planned our near future with a kid in it.   He just said not to worry about it, we'd deal with it if we have to.  But it's so hard to have such an uncertain future.

[FastHands]

Mar 25, 2013 13:19:05 GMT -5 mofongo said:

OP - how long have you been trying? Did you have a loss?

No, I've never been pg. I've been off of bcp for a year, but we used condoms sporadically until deciding to really go for it, so I'm counting this as my 8th cycle. So no reason to think anything is medically wrong or anything like that. Just tired of the game.

[FastHands]

Mar 25, 2013 17:26:29 GMT -5 mofongo said:

Mar 25, 2013 17:21:22 GMT -5 FastHands said:

No, I've never been pg. I've been off of bcp for a year, but we used condoms sporadically until deciding to really go for it, so I'm counting this as my 8th cycle. So no reason to think anything is medically wrong or anything like that. Just tired of the game.

No, 8 mos is a long time:( I'd go ahead and schedule an appt.

We've started the process. I had my thyroid checked. DH is going to get his SA after his physical in May. Then if all that comes back fine, then it's RE time. We'll see..

[sonrisa]

Hugs. I know what you mean. Last year this time I thought about future events in terms of "what if I'm pregnant for that?' This year I've stopped and assume I won't ever be pregnant.

[FastHands]

Mar 26, 2013 10:45:41 GMT -5 mofongo said:

Mar 26, 2013 10:41:36 GMT -5 FastHands said:

We've started the process. I had my thyroid checked. DH is going to get his SA after his physical in May. Then if all that comes back fine, then it's RE time. We'll see..

Have you talked to you ob/gyn? I started the process with her. She did day 3 bloodwork, it checked like 4 or 5 things, including TSH. I'm having my progresterone checked on day 23 of my cycle, which is next week. I had an HSG and H had 2 sperm analysis. I don't know how your insurance works but for me, it was a better choice to start with my own ob/gyn and now she's making the referral and is going to send them the info and write a letter. GL:)

I tried that way at first, but I ended up getting frustrated enough with my obgyn over nonmedical issues that I decided it was time to find a new one. I haven't gotten an appt with someone new yet.

[murdock]

(((hugs))) everybody. I'm sorry.