update: the secretary who hates me.

[Deleted]

the stuffed cat is out.  now, on her desk, there's one of those "vases of flowers" that are really silk flowers in some sort of epoxy that's supposed to look like "water" that yellows over time.  so now i can't see her at all.

she made me so jumpy the other day working on a filing together (well, she was supposed to be doing it but had so damn many questions i finally just hung out with her until it was ready to go.  like i can bill for "babysitting a secretary".  ugh.).  i had to take a break around the corner before i lost my cool and a friend (who does NOT know our history) was like "um, X is kind of a freak.  why is she flipping out?"  HA.

also, randomly, today she offered to get me a piece of cake (it's someone's birthday) because i was on the phone.  clearly, of course, i said no.  because even though i did want some cake and was about to get on a call that took forevah, i can't be that bitch who made her bring me cake.

i think maybe she still hates me, but at least now wants to keep up a thin veneer of getting along.

[Deleted]

OH, also, you all remember that paralegal who screwed everything up and i was in the office for a billion years as a result? she got FIRED. not because of that, but some other stuff (even worse). i think the fact that the partner knew about her shenanigans in the case with me didn't help. i feel guilty/relieved.

[Deleted]

Why does she hate you?

[walterismydog]

lol @ the flowers. perfect.

[Deleted]

Mar 28, 2013 15:04:11 GMT -5 05heel said:

Why does she hate you?

i'm not even 100% sure.  i'm nice to her, but she's super loud and jumpy and nervous.  she's a total flutterer.  there's a chance that my "you have got to be kidding me with this shit" face comes out more often than it should when dealing with her.

ONE TIME i made a joke about how she'd better not take my favorite DOUGHNUT from the variety box of free fucking doughnuts that someone else brought in and she like flipped out and wouldn't take any doughnut at all and then acted so weird later on in the day in the breakroom i had to run for cover.  and then she put this stuffed snowman on her desk/bar thing (it's like a breakfast bar almost, outside of her secretarial bay) so that it was directly positioned between her face and my face so we couldn't see each other (normally we can).

it was replaced with a stuffed cat after the snowman was no longer seasonally appropriate.

[flamingeaux]

better than cutting them, go get some more fake flowers and add them one stem at a time so it's like more are growing.

[Deleted]

I like this!  So we have spring flowers.  I guess we can expect a beachball in a few months.  Or maybe something like this:

[hisno1girl]

MOVE THE STUFFED CAT. Just turn it slightly in another direction.

Didn't she have a snowman or something during the holidays?

I love the Secretary Who Hates You, but of course, I love you more.

[Deleted]

Mar 28, 2013 15:11:49 GMT -5 05heel said:

I like this!  So we have spring flowers.  I guess we can expect a beachball in a few months.  Or maybe something like this:

oh god.  i can just see it now. 

she's partial to fake flowers and stuffed things.  maybe a stuffed uncle same to go with the sparklers?

[Deleted]

I love people who decorate their cubes with abandon. One of our secretaries has a string of Christmas lights that spell out "Jesus is Lord".

[Deleted]

for awhile, we had a secretary who was super into anime and she had all of these anime drawings taped up all over. so you'd be all "do you have that letter ready for larry?" and some giant-eyed japanese schoolgirl/warrior was staring at you from the cabinet.

[gozf]

This relationship is so painful, and it makes me giggle. Uncomfortably.

[Deleted]

Hee! In other awkward cube decorations, one of my coworkers had all of these topless pictures of himself at the beach with his kids. I never knew where to look when I had to go talk to him. Like, leave your doughy, middle-aged, hairy chest pics at home. Surely there were others you could have brought to work.

[eb777888]

Mar 28, 2013 15:04:55 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

I like the idea of cutting the flowers, but was also thinking maybe you could add actual water to the vase.

LoL! Love.

[UnderProtest]

Start slowly coloring the edges of the flowers brown after she leaves for the night until all the flowers are "dead."

[Deleted]

All of these suggestions are making me snort laugh.

[ginger]

Yay for fired nitwit!

Boo for still having to work with crazy cat lady. So it's like a huge stuffed cat?

You should get a taxidermied one to replace it.