Suggestions on how to help ?

[SugarKane]

DH has an employee in MA who has been in an abusive relationship for over 7 years (not married). About a month ago she decided that she's going to leave him and since she has no friends or family in MA, DH bought her a plane ticket to move out here to CO.  She left early this morning with just the clothes on her back and a laptop. She gets in tonight and we're paying for an extended hotel for two weeks while she settles in.  The plan right now is that DH will bring her on full time and give her a salary increase so that she's able to rent an apartment or find a roommate.  She doesn't drive so I'm planning to take her grocery shopping and to Goodwill tomorrow.  Any other suggestions on what we can do to help her out?

Please don't quote, I may DD this later.  

[muffin0]

First good for you and your husband for doing this! This is awesome, I'm glad she has people in her corner.

(hit post too soon)

I'm not sure on ways to help, other than maybe take her the mall or to Target to get some work clothes and such.

(I don't know what is crossing the line of "helping/mothering"

[walterismydog]

First, what a nice thing for your husband to do. He sounds like a good man. <3

I might help her out with food? Since moving to a new place doesn't really come with foodstuffs, and going to the grocery store can be overwhelming when you don't have anything. Maybe make a few casseroles or soups or whatever that she can keep at her hotel and heat up on the stove/microwave.

[janiejones]

Look through your kitchen drawers and fund your duplicate spatulas measuring cups extra tea towel dishcloths etc. small stuff like that adds up to lots of coin. Also maybe and unused spare lotions showr gels etc even travel sized will help her budget short term

[Deleted]

I second the food. If you guys can swing even just getting her the occasional grocery gift card that will help tons. Or when you make meals make extra and give it to her. Those things.

God I can't get over how amazing you guys are, I'm teary. Thank you.

[SugarKane]

Great ideas ladies, thanks. We might have her over for dinner once a week or so once I meet her and get a vibe from her, but I'll definitely make extras of meals and bring them over.

[Deleted]

What an amazing thing you and your husband are doing. You're good people.

I'm just going to second all of the ideas above.

[nomad100]

In addition to everything the PPs have said, could you help her get her license/learn to drive as well?

[goaskalice]

Wow, that's amazing! She's lucky to have you both. I think you've received some good tips. I second the looking for duplicates of your own stuff if you're willing. Also, if she's not familiar with the area I'd give her a good tour so she feels more at home quicker.

[SKP82]

What an amazing thing you and your H are doing.

I would make sure she has the toiletries she needs as well.

ETA:  Maybe research some DV support groups if she is interested?  She's making a HUGE change in her life and it might be helpful to speak with others who have been in a similar situation. 

[lust2hart]

I'd like to second SKP82's suggestion of giving her some information for support groups, and, once she gets settled in a little more, I think it'd be great if you could introduce her to some of your social circle. Wet blanket alert! - What you're doing is WONDERFUL, but I don't want her to get too dependent on you, you know? So I think the quicker you can help her make connections to others in town, the better it will be for everyone involved. It's great that she already has a job; hopefully she can make a few friends through work. I'd encourage your DH to do some sort of work social / happy hour next week as a way to get her integrated into the team.

[SugarKane]

Mar 29, 2013 11:33:43 GMT -5 nomad100 said:

In addition to everything the PPs have said, could you help her get her license/learn to drive as well?

I think there's a back story to why she doesn't drive,but I don't know for sure.  I'll definitely ask her tomorrowl

[SugarKane]

Mar 29, 2013 12:03:05 GMT -5 lust2hart said:

I'd like to second SKP82's suggestion of giving her some information for support groups, and, once she gets settled in a little more, I think it'd be great if you could introduce her to some of your social circle. Wet blanket alert! - What you're doing is WONDERFUL, but I don't want her to get too dependent on you, you know? So I think the quicker you can help her make connections to others in town, the better it will be for everyone involved. It's great that she already has a job; hopefully she can make a few friends through work. I'd encourage your DH to do some sort of work social / happy hour next week as a way to get her integrated into the team.

He only has 1 other employee here in the office.  All others are out of the country.  I'll definitly try to figure out a way to bring up a DV support group.

And thanks everyone,we're not perfect, but trying to do our best in this situation since we're able to

[auntie]

Is there a local DV group near you?

Often they have counseling and support services that could help. I have a friend who had to go this route- they helped her change her life around.

Also, don't be too disappointed if she bails on you and returns to him if she gets lonely. It may take more than your help for her to be able to truly start over.

[ECB]

Mar 29, 2013 13:02:52 GMT -5 auntie said:

Also, don't be too disappointed if she bails on you and returns to him if she gets lonely. It may take more than your help for her to be able to truly start over.

There is this.

But seriously- I think it's amazing what you and DH are trying to do for her. 

[karmasabiotch]

The first thing she needs to do is get hooked up with a local domestic violence agency so they can support her and safety plan with her.

A woman is most at risk of being killed when she leaves her abuser.

[SugarKane]

Sorry, was at the park with the kids and couldn't respond.

We're in North Denver and the public transportation here kind of sucks, at least in my NYCer opinion. I would definitely recommend to her that she finds a place to live that's close to a grocery store at least.

When she left today, she immediately changed her phone number and closed down her bank account so that he's not able to track her down. From what DH says, the bf was verbally and emotionally abusive, but has never hit her

[SugarKane]

Phew, just talked to DH and her plane is in the air. Huge sigh of relief. We were worried that the bf would track her down at Logan airport