Second, I think when you try for long enough with no results, anger is just a phase. At first I was positive, and then I would have a pity party for myself every failed cycle. Then I went through an anger phase about a month ago. And I felt just like you described. I hated feeling like that, because anger is so far from my normal personality.
But I made it through the anger phase, and now I'm just like "whatever". I've felt almost every emotion in the books regarding TTC. I try really hard to be a positive person as it is, so I'm trying to just let go of things I cannot control and feel that way towards this. Its not easy though!
Honestly, having the girls on this board to vent to when I feel overwhelmed has really helped. I don't internalize things as much, and its nice to have people that can relate. We also like talking about non-ttc stuff, because eventually it gets sad when we're all having crappy cycles together! As with anything, there are good and bad days.
I'm sorry you found yourself here, but we are good company Feel free to vent whenever needed!
Post by HoneySpider on Apr 1, 2013 10:05:03 GMT -5
Hi & welcome!
I've been trying to focus on other things going on in my life...I can't let this consume me because I will be angry, upset, etc. Figure out the things you can control rather than focus on what you can't.
Welcome! I'm so sorry for your struggles, but I'm glad that it sounds like you two have a plan of action from here on out.
As for the anger....lol! No, seriously. I think you have to allow yourself a time of "grief" as you adjust your life's expectations. There's going to be a period of anger, but like G22 said, that will pass eventually and you'll feel something else.
The only advice I have is to try to let yourself feel whatever you're feeling while remembering that what makes us human is our ability to have our feelings and not BE our feelings. It's ok to be angry, sad, frustrated, etc. as long as you do everything in your power to not become these things.
To the extent possible, remember that your fertility is not wrapped up in anybody else's (am I spelling that wrong? lol!) and that it sucks that life isn't fair. If you believe in karma, tell yourself that how you act in times of struggle will eventually come back around to you. If you're gracious, kind, and patient you're going to receive good things. If you become angry, bitter, and distant you're going to get those things back.
And, when all this fails, I recommending daily drinking.
Post by discogranny on Apr 1, 2013 10:47:11 GMT -5
Good luck and welcome! I hope the plan you have is the ticket for you.
Regarding anger, I do think it gets easier over time. It has for me at least. The time between 7 months trying and a year was my hardest point. I felt like it should be happening, was scared about why things weren't working and was really just very bitter toward pregnancy and those with "normal" fertility. I still have days where I would prefer not to have to deal with others, but they are much less often. That being said, I still skip baby showers and I still have pity parties for myself from time to time.
For me it really helps to not have IF be my main focus. I make sure I have hobbies that take up my time and set goals for myself that help me feel like I am accomplishing something even if my body is failing me. I run and have a few races on the calendar, I took up road cycling, I bake, I read. I try to do things that are for ME and would be less possible time-wise if I had children. My DH and I have begun to look at this time when we are struggling with IF as bonus newlywed time. We have had 2+ years of being child-free and just enjoying each other. That helps a lot too.
Even with all of that, you are welcome to come here and vent your frustration. This board is like screaming into your pillow in frustration, except the pillow talks back and makes you feel 1000 times better about what was upsetting you.
Kind like what PP have said, I think it's normal to feel anger. You feel almost all signs of grief, anger, crying, excited, anxious, etc. I've hit them all. I was really positive when we started out, but after doing 3 rounds of clomid I broke down to my dr. She put me on a round of femara and in the back of my head I knew it was our last cycle before taking a break but I still didn't want to accept it. I had a TON of emotional days. Especially when people announce on fb. It's hard but you have to find ways to get through it.
I've been reading a ton lately. I think that's what is keeping my mind busy. For awhile when we were trying I would look up baby things and get really excited and I had to stop that. It's just too hard.
Try to find hobbies and a really good support system. I have a few friends who have experienced infertility and it helps me soo much to talk to them. Even just to vent. And whenever AF comes I have a good drunk night and that helps too
Welcome! I'm sorry you're here but I hope that you are able to find the support you need.
I am angry most of the time. If I'm not angry, I'm sad. Like linz, reading seems to be helpful for me because it keeps my mind busy. It's really the only thing right now that is able to keep my attention from drifting back to IF. Finding a hobby or something that you enjoy doing is probably the best thing.
I definitely have my days when I'm a Bitter Betty, but most days I am able to keep IF from consuming my life.
I try to remember that everyone has their struggle, and I am very blessed otherwise in life. I saw a quote recently that said something to the effect of, "Right now someone is praying for what you're taking for granted." It is very true. I have good health (aside from IF), a fabulous husband, supportive family, good job, nice house, etc.
I don't know if you are religious at all, but it also helps for me to focus on my hope and faith in God, because I know He has a plan for my life. Even when I don't see it, He does, and that's comforting to me.
Welcome! I'm so sorry for your struggles, but I'm glad that it sounds like you two have a plan of action from here on out.
As for the anger....lol! No, seriously. I think you have to allow yourself a time of "grief" as you adjust your life's expectations. There's going to be a period of anger, but like G22 said, that will pass eventually and you'll feel something else.
The only advice I have is to try to let yourself feel whatever you're feeling while remembering that what makes us human is our ability to have our feelings and not BE our feelings. It's ok to be angry, sad, frustrated, etc. as long as you do everything in your power to not become these things.
To the extent possible, remember that your fertility is not wrapped up in anybody else's (am I spelling that wrong? lol!) and that it sucks that life isn't fair. If you believe in karma, tell yourself that how you act in times of struggle will eventually come back around to you. If you're gracious, kind, and patient you're going to receive good things. If you become angry, bitter, and distant you're going to get those things back.
And, when all this fails, I recommending daily drinking.
Although most of the time I'm in a good place emotionally, when I think about IF I alternate between anger, sadness and grief. The hardest part is when I'm not thinking about it and then something happens that reminds me of my situation and I get upset all over again. It's really nice to have thos board to talk to other people who are going through the same thing. Welcome.
Anger is just one of the IF phases. I am at the point now where my anger has mostly been replaced by numbness, but it cycles through from time to time. I really like having this board as a place to vent when I get angry, because I don't have anyone IRL who gets it like these ladies.