ATTN: if you are a financial planner, back the hell off.

[Deleted]

okay?  yes, i know that i'm a lawyer and, apparently, many lawyers have financial planners.  but i do not have any oodles of money for you to invest on my behalf.  andplusalso, i like being in charge of my own money.  so, please stop mispronouncing my friends' names when you name drop them as current or "prospective" clients, because it will make me no more likely to want to spend 30 minutes (which we all know means 45-60 because you all just never shut up) with you on the phone or in person so you can ask prying questions about my finances.

IT WILL NOT.

also, when you call me and i send you to voicemail and you leave a message and then follow up with an email?  i hate you.

THREE CALLS THIS WEEK.  it's not even 3pm on goddamned TUESDAY. 

if i pursued clients like that, someone would kill me and/or have me disbarred. 



ETA:  since apparently we're talking about other things, i will add that i adore casseroles, i buy expensive makeup but not very much of it because i wear the same thing every day (powder, concealer if i need it, blush, black eyeliner, and mascara.  sometimes lipgloss).  i don't give a crap where you buy your makeup or if you hate mine.  and that treehouse is stupidly OOT and if i were the daughter or son of those grandparents i'd be disgruntled and annoyed that my parents were, essentially, sticking a flag in my kids and declaring that all fun had to be at their house. 

[Deleted]

Just wait until you make partner. The calls ratchet up X12000. Just tell them that your brother in law is your financial planner. That usually keeps them from calling back. LOL

[Deleted]

Apr 2, 2013 13:46:03 GMT -5 @weeble said:

Just wait until you make partner. The calls ratchet up X12000. Just tell them that your brother in law is your financial planner. That usually keeps them from calling back. LOL

i tell them that my husband is.  which is true.  and then they get all puffed up and competitive like "where?  with who?" and i'm like NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS (and also he's a practicing attorney).  ha.

the mispronouncing of my friends' names is killing me, though.  oh, you've worked with "john" for years now?  that's surprising.  since he goes by jack, motherfucker.  also, they all have started this sob story nonsense about how their dying grandmothers didn't plan sufficiently and should've had long term care insurance or something.  sorry about your granny, but also stfu.

[TrickyBob]

The place I had worked at would make us call up businesses/customers and hound them to come in and speak to our financial planner; "Oh it will just be a quick in and out, 20 minutes tops! Come on in". It made me feel like a schmuck because it was a 30-60 minute convo once they got back to his office.

[Deleted]

That's obnoxious. H is an FA but he doesn't cold call people.

[snipsnsnails]

Forget about the daughter or son...could you imagine if you were the other grandparents?

And I hate our financial planner. My hatred for him is only rivaled by my hatred for our realtor.

[Deleted]

Apr 2, 2013 13:50:17 GMT -5 snipsnsnails said:

Forget about the daughter or son...could you imagine if you were the other grandparents?

And I hate our financial planner. My hatred for him is only rivaled by my hatred for our realtor.

and all the ones who have met with me are greasy in appearance (you are NOT gordon gecko, so lose the hair gel) or manner  (the aforementioned dead grandmother shilling).  except this one woman who seemed lovely and smart, but really, I DON'T WANT YOUR HELP.  if i'm like 5% poorer when i'm 75 as a result, so be it. 

EXACTLY.  i feel the same way about grandparents who have "grandparent showers" and set up miniature nurserys in their own homes.  like LEAVE MY KID ALONE.  neither my parents nor ILs have done this, but i'm all, GO AWAY.

[snipsnsnails]

Tell the financial planners that you're spending all of your disposable income building a 100 sq ft., electrically-lit, A/Ced tree house. Send the link if necessary. They'll go peddle grandma somewhere else!

[CurlyQ284]

Is it Ameriprise by any chance? I interviewed there, it was sleazy. Very Boiler Room-ish vibe.

[Deleted]

Apr 2, 2013 13:57:03 GMT -5 CurlyQ284 said:

Is it Ameriprise by any chance? I interviewed there, it was sleazy. Very Boiler Room-ish vibe.

it's large and small companies.

and lhc, of course it makes sense.  they want to reel us in early and structure repayment so that we have money left over to give them to invest. 

[eb777888]

Apr 2, 2013 14:10:58 GMT -5 @esquirefish said:

I hate these calls. I actually already have a financial planner, so the second these cold calls get started, I just say "I already have a planner." The aggressive ones then tell me that my planner probably isn't doing everything they can for me, blah blah blah.

This is actually my go-to for all sale pitches. "do you have a..." and I say "yep, sure do!" Hang up.

[goaskalice]

I can't stand cold calls of any kind, I don't do them for my business, and I hate being on the receiving end.

I get calls all the time from companies that sell "leads." I don't want your fucking leads! I don't meet with strangers from the internet, well except maybe some GBCNers if I had the chance...

[Deleted]

ARGH.  this just happened.

me: i am not interested in financial planning services.

dbag: i'm not sure if you understand what we can offer; it's more than just investing.

me (HEAD EXPLODES): i DO understand, i appreciate that this call was a referral from my friend, but i am not interested. thank you.

/hang up.


BRO, don't insult me if you want my business.  i swear to you, if i ever call anyone it will be that nice woman i met with years ago.  i still remember her name, because she didn't leave me questioning my faith in humanity.

[litebright]

Somebody for Edward Jones was going door-to-door in my neighborhood awhile back.

I kept thinking how uncomfortable that must be to slog around the sidewalks for hours in a suit and tie and dress shoes.

[VeryViolet]

Apr 2, 2013 13:57:03 GMT -5 CurlyQ284 said:

Is it Ameriprise by any chance? I interviewed there, it was sleazy. Very Boiler Room-ish vibe.

Ugh I got offered a job there right before I graduated. They were so slimy I couldn't do it. And on top of that they offered me under $20k a year (only for the first year and then it was all commission) to work 14 hour days and somehow figure out how to live on NOVA on that salary. Then they got shitty with me when I turned them down.

Luckily, DH and I apparently aren't successful enough merit getting harassed by the financial planners.

[Deleted]

Apr 2, 2013 14:38:53 GMT -5 cjoy said:

Tell me about financial planners. What kind of magic can they work with... $13.78 a month?

oh, i'm SURE they can tell you all about it.  you see, it's more than $13.78.  they'll have you divert money from your 401(k) to overfund your life insurance, so you can draw on that money with a minor withdrawal penalty to use to invest in a portfolio that--conveniently--they offer.  it will enable you to get more liquid more quickly and not at all seem like a bunch of convoluted chicanery.

[goaskalice]

Apr 2, 2013 14:29:46 GMT -5 cville said:

ARGH.  this just happened.

me: i am not interested in financial planning services.

dbag: i'm not sure if you understand what we can offer; it's more than just investing.

me (HEAD EXPLODES): i DO understand, i appreciate that this call was a referral from my friend, but i am not interested. thank you.

/hang up.


BRO, don't insult me if you want my business.  i swear to you, if i ever call anyone it will be that nice woman i met with years ago.  i still remember her name, because she didn't leave me questioning my faith in humanity.

More than just investing huh? What are we talking about here, house cleaning? childcare? hookers? Pyramid scheme?

Also, You're way too nice

[Deleted]

Apr 2, 2013 14:43:10 GMT -5 goaskalice said:

Apr 2, 2013 14:29:46 GMT -5 cville said:

ARGH.  this just happened.

me: i am not interested in financial planning services.

dbag: i'm not sure if you understand what we can offer; it's more than just investing.

me (HEAD EXPLODES): i DO understand, i appreciate that this call was a referral from my friend, but i am not interested. thank you.

/hang up.


BRO, don't insult me if you want my business.  i swear to you, if i ever call anyone it will be that nice woman i met with years ago.  i still remember her name, because she didn't leave me questioning my faith in humanity.

More than just investing huh? What are we talking about here, house cleaning? childcare? hookers? Pyramid scheme?

Also, You're way too nice

i hung up LOUDLY.

lol.

[lime]

A recommendation I was read years ago was to ask the FP for a copy of their tax return from the previous year, including their Schedule D (capital gains/losses), while promising that if they did better in the market than you did the prior year, you'll roll your money over to them.

It's usually veeerrrryyyy quiet on the other end of the phone after you say this.....

[CurlyQ284]

Apr 2, 2013 14:37:36 GMT -5 VeryViolet said:

Apr 2, 2013 13:57:03 GMT -5 CurlyQ284 said:

Is it Ameriprise by any chance? I interviewed there, it was sleazy. Very Boiler Room-ish vibe.

Ugh I got offered a job there right before I graduated. They were so slimy I couldn't do it. And on top of that they offered me under $20k a year (only for the first year and then it was all commission) to work 14 hour days and somehow figure out how to live on NOVA on that salary. Then they got shitty with me when I turned them down.

Luckily, DH and I apparently aren't successful enough merit getting harassed by the financial planners.

Same! I asked if I could have the weekend to consider their offer. They got snotty like they couldn't BELIEVE I didn't wet myself with excitement and then grudgingly gave me 24 hours. When I turned it down, they got salty.

We are living like the same life. JMU and then this! You weren't able to come to the GTG, right? Come to the next one and we will sit together and braid each others hair or something.

[VeryViolet]

Apr 2, 2013 15:07:55 GMT -5 CurlyQ284 said:

Apr 2, 2013 14:37:36 GMT -5 VeryViolet said:

Ugh I got offered a job there right before I graduated. They were so slimy I couldn't do it. And on top of that they offered me under $20k a year (only for the first year and then it was all commission) to work 14 hour days and somehow figure out how to live on NOVA on that salary. Then they got shitty with me when I turned them down.

Luckily, DH and I apparently aren't successful enough merit getting harassed by the financial planners.

Same! I asked if I could have the weekend to consider their offer. They got snotty like they couldn't BELIEVE I didn't wet myself with excitement and then grudgingly gave me 24 hours. When I turned it down, they got salty.

We are living like the same life. JMU and then this! You weren't able to come to the GTG, right? Come to the next one and we will sit together and braid each others hair or something.

We really are like the same person lol. I wasn't able to make the gtg but I definitely feel like some hair braiding is needed at the next one. Except I am a bad braider so maybe food and wine (when I can drink again it makes me far less awkward than if you meet me sober) while we reflect on how awesome we are.

[CurlyQ284]

Apr 2, 2013 15:13:56 GMT -5 VeryViolet said:

Apr 2, 2013 15:07:55 GMT -5 CurlyQ284 said:

Same! I asked if I could have the weekend to consider their offer. They got snotty like they couldn't BELIEVE I didn't wet myself with excitement and then grudgingly gave me 24 hours. When I turned it down, they got salty.

We are living like the same life. JMU and then this! You weren't able to come to the GTG, right? Come to the next one and we will sit together and braid each others hair or something.

We really are like the same person lol. I wasn't able to make the gtg but I definitely feel like some hair braiding is needed at the next one. Except I am a bad braider so maybe food and wine (when I can drink again it makes me far less awkward than if you meet me sober) while we reflect on how awesome we are.

Sweeeeeet.

[vampsterdam]

Apr 2, 2013 13:48:47 GMT -5 cville said:

Apr 2, 2013 13:46:03 GMT -5 @weeble said:

Just wait until you make partner. The calls ratchet up X12000. Just tell them that your brother in law is your financial planner. That usually keeps them from calling back. LOL

i tell them that my husband is.  which is true.  and then they get all puffed up and competitive like "where?  with who?" and i'm like NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS (and also he's a practicing attorney).  ha.

the mispronouncing of my friends' names is killing me, though.  oh, you've worked with "john" for years now?  that's surprising.  since he goes by jack, motherfucker.  also, they all have started this sob story nonsense about how their dying grandmothers didn't plan sufficiently and should've had long term care insurance or something.  sorry about your granny, but also stfu.

Ugh. I have a friend who is notrious for trying to "help" mutual friends so she always gives my number out to people. Wtf.

This guy was "hustlin' hard" and trying to get me to buy insurance from him. I told him my mother, father, AND sister are all in the insurance industry. Then he starts with, "Oh really, where?" and "Are you sure it would be the right plan for you?" Annoying! I was actually annoyed with my friend, too.