UPDATE 2 - Eeeuurrgghh. Give me strength and gilded words.

[tarheels]

I have to confront the owners of That House tonight.  Every neighborhood has one and I'm HOA president and things have reached a fever pitch with them. 

- The husband has a 1970s orange and black souped up drag racing car parked in the middle of their yard, nowhere near the driveway
- There's a commercial smoker on the front porch
- They're breeding pit bull puppies in the 15'x30' rear courtyard (we've called animal control numerous times - no dice yet)
- The husband does some sort of construction work and every day brings home a Ford F-350 (that's a big ass pick-up, if you're not familiar) with a trailer with a backhoe on it, this of course blocks the road
- There's at least one non-functioning vehicle, maybe 2

I should have confronted them just as soon as I took over, but I didn't because they're in a different part of the neighborhood than I am and I didn't have to look at it every day.  And true statement: I was chicken. 

Now, houses in the neighborhood aren't selling because of them.  Shit just got real. 

I am technically powerless to do anything besides ask.  The dumb idiot developer honest-to-God downloaded HOA covenants off the internet that are impotent AND they don't have a clause that
allows them to be altered, so we can't make them more powerful without going to every.single.homeowner with a notary trailing along to get their signature on new docs. (Should any of you ever be rich enough to develop a neighborhood, please, hire a competent attorney to draft covenants for you.  LegalZoom is not the way to handle this.)

So yah.  Please let my words be divinely inspired tonight and let them fall on fertile ground.  Please please please.

I have a small sliver of hope because the woman owner, who was single and lived alone there for years, is VERY high up in a prominent local business.  I mean, she has a PhD.  From the property description, you'd think I was talking about some 28 year old with 6 kids and no teeth, right?  No.  She just got married about 18 months ago to the man who is personally/individually responsible for all the garbage/clutter.  (Her house was neat as a pin before.)  This man is so far beneath her in every respect you can only go, "OMG, honey, WTF were you thinking?"  (One of those smart women/trashy men pairings you just hate to see bc you know the woman's ruining her life...sad.)  I'm banking on her innate dignity being so mortified when she realizes just how bad things are from an outside perspective that she'll have her no-account husband clean up.  Yah, that's my only hope.  When she paid her annual dues, she told the treasurer they were selling this summer (hallelujah!!) so I plan to try an economic argument with her, that her comps are being affected.

Tact and humor, tact and humor, tact and humor.  OMG, this is going to be a dreadful conversation...

[ssmjlm]

Good luck.

My parents HOA actually finally got a guy sent to jail after years of complaints and paper trails. And they're HOA is really for the community's main areas and not housing.

[mrs.jacinthe]

Egads. I'm really sorry, that sounds awful.

[IIOY]

Oh, I'm sorry.  Confrontations like that are never pleasant.

Big ditto to tact and humor, and I'd toss in a little effort at finding small things to bond over during the course of the conversation ('I once had a good friend who was into drag racing - I absolutely see the appeal!")

[jloww]

Good luck!

Better you than me, I have a really hard time with tact

[emoflamingo]

Yeah, I'm not sure I could do it lol. Good luck!

[sailorgray]

Good luck and we will need an update.

[gtkim]

Is any of this by chance a county code violation?  If so you could start by lodging a complaint that way.

[downtoearth]

Hmmm, does your HOA rules speak to all of that? Are you limited on number of pets and where you can park in the rules? I wonder if you can only speak to non-working vehicles and the blocking of the road.

Good luck - HOAs are not always the best, but it sounds like it might be good you have a neighborhod one in this case.

[bunnymendelbaum]

Good luck!

[boiler717]

I hope it went well!

[tarheels]

So I talked to her. 

"Heeeyy, Name, so great to finally meet you!  Boy, this weather is miserable!  Aren't you just ready for spring?"

<small talk>

"I have a problem and I need your help in solving it.  I don't know if you know, but there are 5 houses for sale in here right now.  Well, the feedback from the real estate agents and the buyers isn't good.  The buyers think the neighborhood looks pretty run down and, while they really like our floor plans, they're not happy with how scrubby things look around here.  We can't do anything about the unfinished construction lots [the neighborhood's only half done bc of the economy], but we can take care of our own homes and make sure we're putting our best foot forward.

So I've talked to the college kids over by you about keeping their trash can pulled in and keeping things over there looking neat, and they're on board, and now I need your help with keeping things neat, too. 

Is your husband from the country? <fluffy talk about men from the country> Well, since mine is too, I just know how those country boys like to spread out all their clutter all over the place, because out in the country, it doesn't matter, but here in a subdivision, it really does.  So can you help me corral his clutter so that the neighborhood really looks the best and buyers fall in love with our great homes?"

She was friendly and chatty, there was nothing unpleasant about the encounter at all.  The only thing is, I don't know if she "gets it" for two reasons.

1) She says they're going to sell in May, not August, and that she's talked to an agent, and that they've already been packing up to move.  Really?  Then the agent didn't say anything about, ya know, curb appeal? The pit bull breeding area? [which, because it's behind a fence, I had no plans to address - buyers can't see it - let's deal with the big hurdles first]

2) She asked a couple questions during the conversation that make me think she's SO busy with her really important job that she's pretty oblivious to what her self-employed husband does during the day.  She works long hours, and I think she may just pull in the driveway with blinders on and walk straight to the door and go inside.  Like, she didn't know the BBQ grill was out front.  And she asked, "Oh, the car's in the grass?"  Yes, ma'am, your yard looks like a trailer park.  Sure, she could be a good actress, but we talked for 30 minutes and I think she's just sort of oblivious.  This worries me because I don't know if she actually "heard" what I was saying.  I repeated myself several times about, "So you'll help me get your husband's gear up out of the way and put the grill in the back and move the truck and keep the car on the driveway?"  I never got an affirmative nod from her - not in a mean way or a contradictory way, in a semi-blank way.  I'm not sure what to make of that.

She said a few things like, "you know, I'm so disappointed the neighborhood has so many college kids in it, I had hoped it would be all owners."  Honey, other than the kids across from you, the college kids never cause a problem.  But YOU? You are the bane of my existence.  It's truly like she has NO IDEA how crappy her house looks.  It's possible I've found one of those people who've never seen HGTV.

AND OMG!  They have land about 20 minutes away from here where he keeps some of his construction equipment.  I was like, why aren't you keeping all this shit out there?! Why here in this neighborhood of itty bitty courtyards?!  I suggested she take some of the spare cars out there while the houses are on the market.

So fingers crossed.  All we can do now is hope.

BUT now that they're planning on moving in May, we may wait and list ours after they move out so things look nicer.  Have to think on that.

[ssmjlm]

All I'm thinking with your update is that this guy must be amazing in bed. Otherwise how can she have such a good career, but be so dumb at the same time?

[bunnymendelbaum]

Wow! You handled that so well. I really hope she does indeed "get it". How you broached it was perfect IMO.

[april37]

You are so brave. You deserve a drink! I'm glad she didn't freak out on you. Fingers crossed that she cleans up her property and moves!

[munkii]

Apr 3, 2013 19:25:10 GMT -5 ssmjlm said:

All I'm thinking with your update is that this guy must be amazing in bed. Otherwise how can she have such a good career, but be so dumb at the same time?

She has zero self-esteem and doesn't think she can do better. 

That sounds like a nightmare, and I'd almost be afraid of what their sale price will do to the comps in the neighborhood. If it's that trashy outside, imagine what it looks like inside. They'll probably have to sell for a deep discount. Or it could be pristine, and she'll get him to move his outside crap by this weekend. 

[house]

Whoa..If you don't see any changes take place after a week I'd suggest sending a letter summarizing the key points that you talked about with her. Aren't they violating some sort of HOA rules? Is there a single one you maybe able to refer to saying they are violating that and will be fined if not taken care of by a certain date or the nth notice or something?

[tarheels]

Apr 3, 2013 19:28:55 GMT -5 house said:

Whoa..If you don't see any changes take place after a week I'd suggest sending a letter summarizing the key points that you talked about with her. Aren't they violating some sort of HOA rules? Is there a single one you maybe able to refer to saying they are violating that and will be fined if not taken care of by a certain date or the nth notice or something?

That's the problem I talked about in the OP - I have no punishment power.  I can't fine; I can't do anything other than ask.  I can put a lien on your house if you're behind on dues, but that's not relevant here since she pays on time.  (I can enter into business contracts and stuff, but also not relevant.)

[tarheels]

Apr 3, 2013 19:28:31 GMT -5 munkii said:

Apr 3, 2013 19:25:10 GMT -5 ssmjlm said:

All I'm thinking with your update is that this guy must be amazing in bed. Otherwise how can she have such a good career, but be so dumb at the same time?

She has zero self-esteem and doesn't think she can do better. 

That sounds like a nightmare, and I'd almost be afraid of what their sale price will do to the comps in the neighborhood. If it's that trashy outside, imagine what it looks like inside. They'll probably have to sell for a deep discount. Or it could be pristine, and she'll get him to move his outside crap by this weekend. 

Her house was spotless, on the outside at least, when she lived there by herself.  I feel like she wouldn't tolerate a trashy inside, and if they vacate and then sell, then it's hopefully not an issue.  FX.

[Deleted]

Yikes! I hope it all works out for you. WTF is she thinking (or not) here. I feel for her actually.

That said, remind her I live in the country and I don't have my sh*t spread out everywhere. At all. H is like the junk patrol though. We have nothing extra laying around here and if we do it's on a wagon headed to scrap ASAP. I think it's almost worse in the country as we have a lot of yard and I don't have time to mow around stuff.

Hell, E student bought a really used car (Think like 2K version) from salvage the other day and H told him straight up we're happy he has a car to do things, but he's parking it in a spot over by the barn. I don't want junk in my driveway. And it's not even that awful of a looking car.

So I digress. As always.

[tarheels]

Apr 3, 2013 19:41:33 GMT -5 @crackhabit said:

Wow, you handled that with aplomb. I wonder if this weekend you could go and help her tidy up? Would you want to? Would she be receptive?

There's not that much STUFF, really.  Like this would be such a simple fix.  Park the cars elsewhere, pull the grill in, take the fake tree off the porch, done.

And I have my fun redneck wedding this weekend

[tarheels]

Apr 3, 2013 19:43:54 GMT -5 @justdairy said:

Yikes! I hope it all works out for you. WTF is she thinking (or not) here. I feel for her actually.

That said, remind her I live in the country and I don't have my sh*t spread out everywhere. At all. H is like the junk patrol though. We have nothing extra laying around here and if we do it's on a wagon headed to scrap ASAP. I think it's almost worse in the country as we have a lot of yard and I don't have time to mow around stuff.

Hell, E student bought a really used car (Think like 2K version) from salvage the other day and H told him straight up we're happy he has a car to do things, but he's parking it in a spot over by the barn. I don't want junk in my driveway. And it's not even that awful of a looking car.

So I digress. As always.

I was trying to win friends, dairy, win friends   One often exaggerates connections in these situations.  If you think my ILs have shit all over their yard, you're crazy.

...It's hidden.  In that shed we cleaned out for FIL over Christmas

[Deleted]

Apr 3, 2013 19:52:08 GMT -5 tarheels said:

Apr 3, 2013 19:43:54 GMT -5 @justdairy said:

Yikes! I hope it all works out for you. WTF is she thinking (or not) here. I feel for her actually.

That said, remind her I live in the country and I don't have my sh*t spread out everywhere. At all. H is like the junk patrol though. We have nothing extra laying around here and if we do it's on a wagon headed to scrap ASAP. I think it's almost worse in the country as we have a lot of yard and I don't have time to mow around stuff.

Hell, E student bought a really used car (Think like 2K version) from salvage the other day and H told him straight up we're happy he has a car to do things, but he's parking it in a spot over by the barn. I don't want junk in my driveway. And it's not even that awful of a looking car.

So I digress. As always.

I was trying to win friends, dairy, win friends   One often exaggerates connections in these situations.  If you think my ILs have shit all over their yard, you're crazy.

...It's hidden.  In that shed we cleaned out for FIL over Christmas

Ha! I know it. I was just joking back..lol. There are some yards here that are awful. My neighbors have one and I'd love to say something, but WTF am I going to do when it's across a cornfield and therefore has no effect on my property value?

Basically, I love you. That is all.

[downtoearth]

Sounds like you handled it well. But honestly, if you have no rules that say you can't have a BBQ smoker on the front porch and a car in the grass, then I'm not sure you should expect a change.

[housegeek]

Apr 4, 2013 13:43:15 GMT -5 downtoearth said:

Sounds like you handled it well. But honestly, if you have no rules that say you can't have a BBQ smoker on the front porch and a car in the grass, then I'm not sure you should expect a change.

I don't have an HOA thankfully, but I'm wondering if there is a clause that states you have to maintain a reasonable look from the street, which could include the car at the very least?

[downtoearth]

Apr 4, 2013 13:44:57 GMT -5 housegeek said:

Apr 4, 2013 13:43:15 GMT -5 downtoearth said:

Sounds like you handled it well. But honestly, if you have no rules that say you can't have a BBQ smoker on the front porch and a car in the grass, then I'm not sure you should expect a change.

I don't have an HOA thankfully, but I'm wondering if there is a clause that states you have to maintain a reasonable look from the street, which could include the car at the very least?

I don't have an HOA either, our city codes require non-working vehicles off the street, so someone's lawn is okay as long as you don't have more than 4 or something on your property, b/c then you need a 6' privacy fence.  So 1 non-working vehicle in the lawn is actually not a code violation.

[tarheels]

Apr 4, 2013 13:43:15 GMT -5 downtoearth said:

Sounds like you handled it well. But honestly, if you have no rules that say you can't have a BBQ smoker on the front porch and a car in the grass, then I'm not sure you should expect a change.

I didn't say we had no rules.  I said I had no enforcement power.

[tarheels]

HAHA! I WON!!

I got home late last night from that wedding, and when I drove by their house this morning, all better!! Ok, well, almost all better - the fake tree is still on the porch and the patio furniture is still blown over from the wind, but car gone, grill gone, trailer with backhoe gone!!

[mrs.jacinthe]

Hooray!!!

[emoflamingo]