She comes off as an entitled, judgey twit. "My H passed the bar, this should have warranted a lavish vacation." Says who?
i know. when i passed the bar i was, um, already working. and my firm was like "great. now you can sign stuff under your own authority. happy wednesday."
She comes off as an entitled, judgey twit. "My H passed the bar, this should have warranted a lavish vacation." Says who?
i know. when i passed the bar i was, um, already working. and my firm was like "great. now you can sign stuff under your own authority. happy wednesday."
Shit, I was still clerking! The fiance did take me out for a nice dinner. Then we went home, I opened the bottle of "could not buy it in the Us at the time" Whiskey I had been saving, the fiance and I had a drink, had celebratory sex, and the next morning I got my ass up and went back to work.
And great, she married someone who was supposed to be a big law attorney. Sounds like he worked for Dewey, which failed, and then he was yet another out of work lawyer. But it made them so much stronger guyz! Ugh. She's annoying.
She comes off as an entitled, judgey twit. "My H passed the bar, this should have warranted a lavish vacation." Says who?
This is the part that got me, too. I know a lot of lawyers and I'm almost positive NONE of them have celebrated with a lavish vacation. Hell, my H passed the bar twice (different states, clearly) and the best he got was dinner out and a "lavish" (for us) bottle of Scotch.
I'm also in the "got married young and thinks this author is a moron" group. We got married young and pretty fast (a little less than 2 years from first date to wedding)-- in hindsight, we really didn't know each other as well as I feel people should before getting married, and I had no idea what I was getting into. My friends probably judged the hell out of me for getting married when I did, and rightly so. What she says about spouses growing up together is actually true in my case, and I'm glad to have had that experience with my H-- but only because we got damn lucky that it worked out.
I read this article 2 days ago and have been laughing ever since that she seems to consider spending $8/month on a Netflix account some big marker of adulthood. Good for you?
What I did not realize was how thoroughly marriage would jump-start our independence. On paper, our unmarried peers looked more carefree. But many of them also relied on their parents to supplement their income, drove home for long weekends and holidays, or stayed on their parents’ health insurance and cellphone plans (even though they had decent jobs!). I put David on my health insurance. We bought our own family cellphone plan and Netflix account. When we visited our parents once a year, we paid for the plane tickets and still did our own laundry. We loved our parents and siblings, but marriage made us realize that we were now a separate family unit.
The first time I had to depend on my parents was during and after my divorce...from my bebe marriage. Getting married at 19 gave me zero opportunity to create independence for myself. Independence from my parents, sure. For me? No. I was always dependent on exH. Now at age 27, I am really, for the first time, paying for long-weekends, holidays, insurance, cell phone, etc., on my own. I wish I would have used those years to discover myself and truly learn how to be independent. I would even go as far to say getting married that young, in my case, created an unhealthy co-dependency rather than independence.
I got married at 23. And I am now getting divorced at 29. What the fuck dude! I followed her advice! I am not sure if I get a medal for getting married young or a lashing for getting divorced.
Post by amberlyrose on Apr 3, 2013 12:47:45 GMT -5
We got married young, and she forgets to mention that the "growing together" part can be really freaking hard. Yes, I loved having someone there for me when my grandpa was sick that wasn't immediate family, during job interviews, someone who knew me 110%, but there were parts of my life between 21-25 that I just wanted to be able to make my own decisions on travel, money, etc. There are a lot of things that I agree with her on, but I don't agree that everyone should get married young (or ever if they choose). Thankfully we grew together in our beliefs but we could have easily fallen apart, too.
Post by CheshireGrin on Apr 3, 2013 18:20:27 GMT -5
For the record, I got married at 23 as well. I'm pretty sure what I'm supposed to take away from this article is that I'm a failure because I got divorced 3 years later instead of making it work. So thanks, Julia Shaw!
fuck choosing a husband, even. let's return to arranged marriage! at 22. hell, at 18. you can learn to love your husband as a freshman in college.
That's exactly what I was thinking! In fact, her argument about your H turning into your soul mate is EXACTLY the reasoning behind arranged marriages (well, besides the whole, women-as-property thing).
I got married at 24 and I definitely wouldn't recommend it to most.