my mom :(

[spedrunner]

I posted earlier in a randoms thread

My mom has always been a caretaker. Shes very old school, great mom, very loving and nurturing.  My brother (autistic, severe) passed away a few years ago, she was his primary care taker. She NEVER took a break.  Aside from the nights i would take him (to give her a break) she was constantly doing things for him, to him, with him, etc, 

Since he passed away, she began to start doign things for herself (gym, shopping, movies with girlfriends, etc)  

however lately she has been obsessing and enabling my father (he's an alcoholic)  
He is very verbally abusive, puts her down, calls her fat, etc etc etc  . They have been married 30 years, i NEVER see her leaving

She does everything for him. It breaks my heart. She cooks, does his laundry and is at his beck and call. He is very inpatient and demanding and will bug her until she caves.  Its very unhealthy (I see where i get it from)

ANYWAY for her bday I wanted to take her to an opera restaurant. She loves opera and music and dining and italian food.  My dad does not really enjoy the opera or italian food, more of a steak guy....

So tonight she tells me "Why dont we go to that new steak restaurant instead"

im sad, i knw thats what my dad wants to do, not her....i want her to do what she wants, but i dont think she knows what she wants anymore

This is all new for me since i started therapy. I would love for her to go as well, she really needs it

No point to this really, just makes me sad (and angry) for her.  

[tdk2]

awwww I'm so sorry.

Can you take her out by herself to the opera place? Maybe on another night?
What a tough situation.

[spedrunner]

ive tried asking her, and she WANTS my dad to go (Bc he will be pissed if she god forbid goes somewhere with him!)
We were discussing the dinner the other day and my dad blatantly said he does NOT want to go there bc he doesnt like opera or italian. I told him its not his bday and that for his bday he can choose....I dont care where we go as long as its something for her, i know she would enjoy this place...

My dad is also very old school AND polish, he has that whole mentality going on too

[tdk2]

ugh that blows.

Is he first generation here?
Just curious. My family's 100% Polish. One grandpa was a bit like that, but otherwise, none of the males were. but they were also 2nd gen here.

[spedrunner]

Yes first generatin

[angelaa73]

I would seriously tell him you're taking her to a ladies only spa and then go to opera dinner. Fuck that guy!

sent from my I crashed my car into a bridge. I don't care. I love it.

[pittsmcgee]

I'm so sorry, that sucks
My dad is Polish, too, and was so much like that with my mom. They just divorced 2 years ago.
It's too bad you two just can't go, but I know your mom won't go for that.

[tdk2]

I like Angelaa's idea.


And I can see first gen being different. My grandpa (1st gen as well) on my dad's side was kind of sexist. Still a good guy, but said a lot of things that pissed me off over the years.

[IrishBelle]

Can you do the steak restaurant for her birthday and just the two of you go to the opera restaurant another time?