Teen Radio Host Tired of Obama Making Everyone Gay

[redheadbaker]

Teen Talk Show Host Is Sick and Tired of President Obama Making Everyone Gay

Meet Caiden Cowger: He's a 14-year-old radio host who lives in West Virginia and is a rising star in the conservative movement. More importantly, he's apparently very eager for us to know that President Obama is the one to blame for everyone being gay. Interesting theory, young chap! With the kind of cocky confidence that only a young person who doesn't know shit about the real world can muster, Caiden reports that he is sickened, SICKENED, I tell you, by the fact that there are at least 30 teenaged homosexuals in his county that he knows for a fact chose to be that way. How does he know, you may ask? Allow him to explain:

I knew these kids. Some of ‘em I was friends with. I knew these teenagers when they were in elementary school. I knew them when they were in the beginning of middle school. And you know what? They were not homosexuals. They just decided all the sudden "You know what? I think I'm going to be gay.

Well of course they were not known homosexuals in elementary school, Caiden, because they were children… But I digress. He goes on to say what made their "decision" so easy:

Why they are becoming homosexuals, why they are becoming gay is because they're being encouraged by it. President Obama: "It's alright, it's okay, you were born that way!"

Quite a catchy refrain—somebody get Obama and Lady Gaga in a studio ASAP and let's make this piece of pro-gay propaganda into a hot new track. Anyway, if you were worried that our current generation of hate-mongering blowhard radio hosts were going to die off and leave us with no one to boil our blood, fear not. Caiden Cowger is ready and willing to carry on the proud nonsense-spouting tradition that Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh began. And you know we can trust him because he just saved us all from being turned gay by the President.

[lyssbobiss, Command, B613]

Oh, sure. I know lots of kids going through adolescence, which is already a horribly shitty time in your life, who decide to try to be gay. Because life isn't hard enough.
I'd like to know when this kid decided to be an uninformed little bigoted shit. Was he born this way, baby?

[ttt]

Dude, you're the one named Caiden.

[llama]

Oh yes, Obama. Because he just loves gay people so much. Ok.

Also, I love that if you choose to be gay you should have no rights. After all, I'm sure this kid chose to be Christian (I know, I'm assuming.) Or conservative (there, don't have to assume that one!) for that matter. After all, if you choose those things you probably deserve to be harassed and discriminated against... right?

[dev22]

If my kid ever said or believed something like this, I would consider myself a complete failure as a parent. COMPLETE failure.

[whitewolf]

Lol!

[JLN]

Oh, to be young and dumb again...

But really, I was hoping this bs was going to die with the older generation. It makes me sad someone so young can be so hateful.

[livinitup]

Yes, Caiden, it's okay to be gay.

Even you. Stop trying so hard to deny your real feelings. And make everybody else deny them, too. Your venom is classic denial.

[aurora]

Maybe when he gets a little older he will learn that it's OK to think independently and will stop parroting his bigoted parents?

[downtoearth]

Ha ha ha...so according to this little radio dude, did Obama make all those middle school kids go through puberty also?

Because in elementary, there were like NO kids who went through puberty, but then in middle school they're all like, "Oh wow, I'm growing pubs and surging with hormones!"

[marie427]

Well duh, if these teens were actually gay, they should have said something YEARS ago. Their first words as babies should've been "I'm gay." Otherwise, Obama pulled out his magic glittery wand and made them all gay, all of them.

[bambi]

People still listen to the radio?

[dev22]

Jun 7, 2012 11:20:42 GMT -5 nuggetbrain said:

Ten bucks says Rush Limbaugh gets ahold of this and upps the ante by saying not only does Obama turn people gay but OBAMA IS GAY HIMSELF AND WANTS TO TURN THIS ENTIRE COUNTRY INTO A BUNCH OF FABULOUSLY DRESSED, HIGHLY EMOTIONAL SOCIALIST COMMIE BASTARDS.

I'd vote for that.

[wrathofkuus]

This kid is going to be sooooo embarrassed in ten years when someone plays this back for him.

[IIOY]

This is stupid as shit. Everyone knows that it's Spiderman who makes you gay.

[basilosaurus]

Jun 7, 2012 14:14:32 GMT -5 IIOY said:

This is stupid as shit. Everyone knows that it's Spiderman who makes you gay.

No, it starts much earlier, in the teletubbie years.

[UMaineTeach]

Jun 7, 2012 13:57:24 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

This kid is going to be sooooo embarrassed in ten years when someone plays this back for him.

let's hope so.


I have a good song for him if he were older, but it's not nice to say about children.

[IIOY]

www.youtube.com/watch?v=fk6omPlM8bw&feature=youtube_gdata_player

[Mrs.Beagle]

President Obama and Lady Gaga need to do a song together.

Also, if you're not born with sparkles, obviously you're straight. You're welcome, America.

[Deleted]

It makes me so sad when young people are that conservative.

How does that happen?

[secretlyevil]

Jun 7, 2012 14:39:54 GMT -5 @mrdobalina said:

Jun 7, 2012 13:57:24 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

This kid is going to be sooooo embarrassed in ten years when someone plays this back for him.

or when he comes out. As he invariably will...

Or instead of coming out, he could end up being so torn up inside and kill himself and cause his parents unconscionable amount of pain all because he couldn't understand that being gay isn't what's wrong with the world, it's nonacceptance and hate for anything different.