Is 46 too old?

[Deleted]

Apr 7, 2013 20:56:42 GMT -5 laurack said:

Apr 7, 2013 20:52:00 GMT -5 AndyCohen said:

I dunno, whenever I think about either of the parents being 70+ when the child graduates college I feel bad for the kid. Their parent/parents could get Alzheimer's or something and need to go in a home and that would be really hard to handle at 22 when you're trying to figure out your own life. If I were 46 and wanted more kids I would think about adopting an older child or becoming a foster parent.

Yes but people can die at any time of any condition. Cancer strikes often when people are young. All sorts of freak things can kill you off any time. You may be 95 and still going strong! I mean, who knows!

Yeah but statistics are more on your side if you are younger. I mean the average lifespan is what 75, so like half of all people are dead by then but a majority of all people die in their upper 60s, 70s and 80s.

[mumegs]

My aunt had her first and only baby at 44, my cousin is now 12, and my mom who is two years older than her has 28 and 29 year old kids. I really don't think it's a bad thing, my aunt has a lot of energy and still keeps up with her pretty well!

[AndyCohen]

Apr 7, 2013 20:56:42 GMT -5 laurack said:

Apr 7, 2013 20:52:00 GMT -5 AndyCohen said:

I dunno, whenever I think about either of the parents being 70+ when the child graduates college I feel bad for the kid. Their parent/parents could get Alzheimer's or something and need to go in a home and that would be really hard to handle at 22 when you're trying to figure out your own life. If I were 46 and wanted more kids I would think about adopting an older child or becoming a foster parent.

Yes but people can die at any time of any condition. Cancer strikes often when people are young. All sorts of freak things can kill you off any time. You may be 95 and still going strong! I mean, who knows!

i just feel like if I were 45 and I really wanted a child and I could provide a great life to that child for however long I am healthy, if it is 20 years if it is 40 years... To just NOT have a child because I might die or be sick when they are in college, well that seems ludicrous to me!

Sorry, I didn't mean for my comment to come off as judgy, more that those are just the kind of things I think about for myself and what I would do personally. I know death can happen any time, but it is MUCH more likely after 70.

[jfh]

Apr 7, 2013 21:07:52 GMT -5 @lindy said:

Apr 7, 2013 20:56:42 GMT -5 laurack said:

Yes but people can die at any time of any condition. Cancer strikes often when people are young. All sorts of freak things can kill you off any time. You may be 95 and still going strong! I mean, who knows!

Yeah but statistics are more on your side if you are younger. I mean the average lifespan is what 75, so like half of all people are dead by then but a majority of all people die in their upper 60s, 70s and 80s.

But there are statistics that favor having children later as well. It doesn't make sense to use life expectancy as your main deciding factor in what's "too old."

[tuck]

I could feasibly be a grandma at 46. Holden will be 25 then, which is a solidly appropriate time to have a baby. My mom became a grandma at 39 (my sister was a teen mom), and she was 49 when Holden was born.

I just know I would MUCH rather be a grandma than a new mom at 46. I don't want an age gap of 24 years between my kids.

[laurack]

Apr 7, 2013 21:18:36 GMT -5 AndyCohen said:

Apr 7, 2013 20:56:42 GMT -5 laurack said:

Yes but people can die at any time of any condition. Cancer strikes often when people are young. All sorts of freak things can kill you off any time. You may be 95 and still going strong! I mean, who knows!

i just feel like if I were 45 and I really wanted a child and I could provide a great life to that child for however long I am healthy, if it is 20 years if it is 40 years... To just NOT have a child because I might die or be sick when they are in college, well that seems ludicrous to me!

Sorry, I didn't mean for my comment to come off as judgy, more that those are just the kind of things I think about for myself and what I would do personally. I know death can happen any time, but it is MUCH more likely after 70.

Well yes you are looking at it from the point of view of a young person who is thinking hmmm when will I have children.... But most women who have kids later do so because they met their partner later, got married later, weren't ready financially or emotionally etc. 

so generally since going back in time isn't an option (yet!) their options include: have kid(s) older or have no kids at all.

[Deleted]

Apr 7, 2013 21:26:51 GMT -5 jfh said:

Apr 7, 2013 21:07:52 GMT -5 @lindy said:

Yeah but statistics are more on your side if you are younger. I mean the average lifespan is what 75, so like half of all people are dead by then but a majority of all people die in their upper 60s, 70s and 80s.

But there are statistics that favor having children later as well. It doesn't make sense to use life expectancy as your main deciding factor in what's "too old."

Yeah, but I also don't think you should use the well you could die young, or live to 95, to justify something. Like I shouldn't say, I might live to 90 so I should have a kid at 70, when really having a kid at 70 isn't a good idea for the kid or for the person.

I consider this "too old" discussion to be the same as the "too young". To some people 18 is too young to have a child, and to some 46 is too old.

[AndyCohen]

Apr 7, 2013 21:37:37 GMT -5 laurack said:

Apr 7, 2013 21:18:36 GMT -5 AndyCohen said:

Sorry, I didn't mean for my comment to come off as judgy, more that those are just the kind of things I think about for myself and what I would do personally. I know death can happen any time, but it is MUCH more likely after 70.

Well yes you are looking at it from the point of view of a young person who is thinking hmmm when will I have children.... But most women who have kids later do so because they met their partner later, got married later, weren't ready financially or emotionally etc. 

so generally since going back in time isn't an option (yet!) their options include: have kid(s) older or have no kids at all.

As I said, I was speaking for myself personally. If I did not meet my husband until late in life and did not have a child at 46, I personally would not try because of possible health risks and the reason I stated. I definitely would not try if I already had a child as Halle does.

[charlielove]

I am far more worried about the stability of her relationship. Personally, I wouldn't want to be pregnant at that age, but I don't think it's too old.

And there is no way I'll be a grandma at 46. Those chastity belts aren't comin' off til' they are at least 25.

[oso]

Apr 7, 2013 21:37:37 GMT -5 laurack said:

Apr 7, 2013 21:18:36 GMT -5 AndyCohen said:

Sorry, I didn't mean for my comment to come off as judgy, more that those are just the kind of things I think about for myself and what I would do personally. I know death can happen any time, but it is MUCH more likely after 70.

Well yes you are looking at it from the point of view of a young person who is thinking hmmm when will I have children.... But most women who have kids later do so because they met their partner later, got married later, weren't ready financially or emotionally etc. 

so generally since going back in time isn't an option (yet!) their options include: have kid(s) older or have no kids at all.

Thank you!  I'm 42 and my husband is 50.  He was married previously and has twins going on 15.  Yes, we may not have the same energy level as a twenty some year old, but we make up for our age in other ways.  

Also, my "old" husband can hike a very steep very difficult terrain mountain with an elevation of close to 13,000 ft.  Before I got pregnant I could do 10,000.  I can also carry a 50 lb backpack 5 miles into deep difficult terrain.

[melis74]

I am 38(almost 39) and MH is 15 years older than me. We were married in 2000 and started TTC in 2002, it took us until 2011 to get KU. I know he is older and I have often thought of what will happen, but our desire to have a child was there and I know that we will love her just as much as anyone else loves their child for as long we have the opportunity.

[sno&2peas]

I think mid-40's is pushing it. I wouldn't be a mom past that age but that's my opinion. I have seen women on L&D where I work (high risk hospital) with the same birth year as my mom!! haha That is someone who is in their mid-50's... That is ridonk to me!

[formerlyllizzyb]

Personally, yes.

[creamsiclechica]

I think it depends on your family and life situation. There's so many factors that go into it, I feel like it's not necessarily fair of me to say an all encompassing "it's too old," or it's not.

[jfh]

Apr 8, 2013 10:47:45 GMT -5 creamsiclechica said:

I think it depends on your family and life situation. There's so many factors that go into it, I feel like it's not necessarily fair of me to say an all encompassing "it's too old," or it's not.

I think this is my problem with the OP. I can understand the question, "Would you have a  baby at 46?" Totally reasonable question. And my answer would be, probably not, given present circumstances (e.g. I met DH at 31, had first baby at 35, so I don't anticipate still being in baby mode at 46). But I don't think there's a "too old" in general. I certainly don't think Halle Barry, being in fantastic shape, totally energetic, and with loads of resources and armies of help, is "too old." 

[bigapple]

In my neighborhood, older moms are the norm. I'm one of the youngest of my FTM friends at 33. Many of the moms I meet are in their 40s. They have plenty of energy and have the added benefit of being financially stable.

My uncle accidentally knocked up his coworker when she was 43 and he was 48. They married and conceived naturally again three years later. Now their oldest is thirteen and their youngest is ten, and my uncle (61) is retired and gets to be a SAHD. He has loads of energy and is always out playing sports with them.

[rxbeth]

It's obviously a totally personal decision.

I'll be 35 in a few months and didn't marry until 31. I'm not sure if I want another child at all at this point and if I do, I will be in my later 30's. It's all about what you're comfortable with. I'm not sure I want to risk AMA, personally.

[oso]

Apr 8, 2013 10:53:29 GMT -5 jfh said:

Apr 8, 2013 10:47:45 GMT -5 creamsiclechica said:

I think it depends on your family and life situation. There's so many factors that go into it, I feel like it's not necessarily fair of me to say an all encompassing "it's too old," or it's not.

I think this is my problem with the OP. I can understand the question, "Would you have a  baby at 46?" Totally reasonable question. And my answer would be, probably not, given present circumstances (e.g. I met DH at 31, had first baby at 35, so I don't anticipate still being in baby mode at 46). But I don't think there's a "too old" in general. I certainly don't think Halle Barry, being in fantastic shape, totally energetic, and with loads of resources and armies of help, is "too old." 

This is how I feel.  For me getting pregnant before you're in your 30s is too young, but its not my body and everyone is different.  We talk to my step daughters about taking care of themselves and finishing college and starting their career before they get pregnant.  They want to get their PhDs so they have a lot of school left.  

In some ways it comes back to pro choice issues as far as I'm concerned.  Having the right to your own family planning is so important.  It would be nice to do it without people judging what you do.  I get comments on my grand daughter at least once a month.  It really bugs me.  I waited to get married until I met the man that I could see myself with for the rest of my life.  I was careful when I dated not to get pregnant.  

[christidee]

It is too old for me, but it is a personal choice that works well for many people. 

[Deleted]

My friends parents are in their late 40's and my friends have babies, so they are grandparents. My friends are in their mid twenties. So, their parents had them in their early/mid twenties. My mom had babies from 22-31, but her oldest didnt have kids til her 30's and then I got pregnant at 23, so she didnt become a grandma til her mid 50's but would have if I wasnt the youngest! Does that make sense? Lol