Feeling depressed and shitty

[laurack]

I don't know whats wrong with me! I should be happy! My life is great! but I am going through a spell of feeling ick. I feel like I am unfocused at work, but I can't seem to care enough. I waste all this time coming up with half assed plans for things for her birthday party then getting distracted then forgetting it. I just can't get my shit together.

Everyone is posting beautiful birthday pictures and I know it will all be fine but I feel so stressed out thinking about it! I don't have time because I work FT, BUT if I were a SAHM I'd have less time because I never get anything done when I'm home with her anyway. I have no excuse for sucking so badly at life.

My laundry is in a huge pile in the basement, for DAYS. Instead of folding it, I just pick things out of the pile for work each day.

Also I am really sad about her turning one and not being a baby. I know its stupid and I shouldn't feel like this. But I do. It's sad. She's my BABY. Today I dropped to one pump at work because I have to wean from it. I've hated pumping forever, yet now I'm SAD because I'm only pumping once? WTF is wrong with me.

ugh. Sorry guys I am so lame.

end random post.

[ruby412]

Aww I'm sorry you're feeling sad. We all have highs and lows - it's a normal unfortunate part of life. It usually helps me to focus on something to get my mind elsewhere... Like a new book, hobby, fitness routine, TV show or may I suggest candy crush!

As for her bday party, I'm doing minimal decorations/DIY stuff too. I don't think the real world norm is to go Pinterest crazy!

Hope you're feeling back to your old self soon.

[devotchka]

hugs to you! i just posted about how i finally got OUT of a depression funk but i was in one for a very long time and felt exactly like you do. so big hugs your way. that's all i can really provide bc honestly, besides the warm weather and sunshine, i have no idea what made things better for me... 

[jenbelle]

Big hugs!!! I know exactly how you feel about the pump! I freaking hate pumping, and now I'm so sad it's gone! And it IS sad that our little ones are turning one and growing up. It sucks. and I ordered 95% of any decorations off of etsy and amazon. Then I copied the idea for the monthly pics. Do you want help with anything for the party? I can pull J's pics off the banner and send you the stuff if you want!

[charlielove]

I'm sorry you are feeling like that. Our babies turning one is a big deal, and while it's a happy occasion, with it comes a lot of mixed feelings. I'm sorry you are feeling sad right now, I really hope it get's better for you soon.

[lydiasings28]

If it makes you feel any better I can PIP the state of my entire house. It isn't pretty at all and is rather shameful...

*hugs* You'll make it through. Plus, you have a message board full of snarky women ready to make you smile at a moment's notice.

[tuck]

I'm sure your party is going to be fantastic. When you look back at the pictures in ten years, you're not going to notice if the banner is slightly askew or the colors don't quite match. You're going to remember how small and funny she was and how cute she looked with all the cake smeared in her hair.

The only crime with birthday parties is not enjoying them. Your guests are coming to celebrate M's birthday, not judge the decorations. And if they are there to judge the decor, screw them. 

I was pretty sad about Holden turning one, but I found out each year is just another opportunity to get to know your kid better. The older they get, the more they become real people- people who you get into hysterical laughing fits with (maybe over farts...but whatever), and people you can really get to know. Older kids are great.

Cut yourself some slack. Transitions are hard. I have to admit I cried in the tub when Holden told me her tooth was wiggly right after her fifth birthday, but she's still my "baby." She'll always be my baby. No matter how old she is. And M will always be yours.

[silverjm]

Ugh, I'm sorry. I'm feeling a lot of that too. My work ethic is suffering, and I'm never motivated. I'm getting really sick of pumping, but I'm also really scared that I'm going to have to give up my pump breaks in three weeks. I don't think me or DS are ready. My house is a disaster. I'm 90% sure we're not having a party, but I still day dream about planning one. I'm hopingthe weather turns soon, getting out in the fresh air and sunshine seems to help.

[formerlyllizzyb]

Apr 8, 2013 16:47:28 GMT -5 tuck said:

I'm sure your party is going to be fantastic. When you look back at the pictures in ten years, you're not going to notice if the banner is slightly askew or the colors don't quite match. You're going to remember how small and funny she was and how cute she looked with all the cake smeared in her hair.

The only crime with birthday parties is not enjoying them. Your guests are coming to celebrate M's birthday, not judge the decorations. And if they are there to judge the decor, screw them. 

I was pretty sad about Holden turning one, but I found out each year is just another opportunity to get to know your kid better. The older they get, the more they become real people- people who you get into hysterical laughing fits with (maybe over farts...but whatever), and people you can really get to know. Older kids are great.

Cut yourself some slack. Transitions are hard. I have to admit I cried in the tub when Holden told me her tooth was wiggly right after her fifth birthday, but she's still my "baby." She'll always be my baby. No matter how old she is. And M will always be yours.

Great words up there. Hugs to you, laura. I work PT and DS did NOT have a pinterest party. I threw a happy birthday banner on the wall, ordered a cake, and that was it. No monthly pics, no cake topper, no party favors, etc. We had a build your own nacho bar that was set up on my countertops. No decor for that either. Super simple.

I struggled with IF and wanted a baby for so long, and now my baby is one?! I have a hard time with this. Of course I wanted a CHILD, but all I ever really envisioned was the baby days. It's so bizarre.

[gekeler6]

I hope you get out of the ick.  Once the party passes it will be better I bet.  I was planning a really neat themed party, but DH was out of town.  I only work part time right now so I had lots of time to plan and make things.  I was very stressed about it.  I ended up doing something way simple and inexpensive (thanks Costco cake).  I feel awful because I always make the birthday cakes and spend months making themes and DIY projects for the parties.  There will always be the next year.  I focus better when the house is clean too.  Once the chores are done I can focus.....it's like an internal noise to me.

[vthokie]

I'm sorry you feel cruddy. I understand though. I'm in a funk too. I'm over my job, mostly because I have great ideas to implement, but not with only 32 days of school left. So, I'm totally ready for next year, and so are the kids. I'm so sad about Ansley turning 1 tomorrow. I didn't think I was, but then little things happen and I get all sappy. Our party is just family, like 8 of us, but now I'm sad I didn't have more time or money to do some cutesy theme. I just bought generic stuff at Party City. I am making her cake, but I don't know how it will turn out. PLUS, my sister, who is BSC, asked if I wanted her to make a smash cake. I thought I would be nice since she offered, so I told her yes. Now, I'm sad because A will be eating HER cake and not MINE. Irrational much??? My house is messy, and feel like a big fat fatty, even though I've lost a few pounds over the last few weeks. I'm hoping we all get past this funk once parties, birthdays, and such are over. The babies are at such a fun and enjoyable age, I'm ready to just enjoy them!

HUGS and WINE to all!!

[sunshineluv]

Sorry you are feeling down, if it helps I did like no planning for his bday and he had a blast, I went to target the night before and got streamers and a sign. He wore a bow tie and nothing else to eat his cake. He was all kinds of adorable, and had a blast. I am just not the kind of person to plan.

And I get the stress, I hate my job right now, hate it. Which makes all other parts of life feel hard. But it will pass and I will be happy again, you too!!

[Regina Philange]

I'm sorry! I too feel like I am All over the place. You are doing the best h can. The party will be great regardless of the decorations.

[angiekay84]

I too picked work clothes out of a laundry basket, you're not alone! I just had Sophia's party yesterday and it was very fun. I was so stressed up until the moment of the party. Planning sucks, I hate it, but when the actual party came, I had fun and I hope Sophia "enjoyed" her party too.

I do think getting over the party, in some ways, will help you feel better. You'll have celebrated with her and had a wonderful time, but then you don't have to worry about it anymore! (((hugs)))

[SteelCity44]

I completely understand how you feel. It took me a week (on spring break mind you) to get our laundry done. Now, the pending laundry needs done. This is a terrible time of year. Even though it's starting to get nice out, I always seem like I'm in a funk at this time of year. And when I started weaning the pump, I had way too much anxiety about getting rid of the thing I despised. I think I put too much of my motherly value into my relationship with that piece of equipment. You're not alone, and you're doing a great job. I thought that doing a big deal of a party for a first birthday was stupid, but I let the boards and some family pressure get the best of me. It doesn't have to extravagant. It just has to be special for you and your BABY!

[spaghetticat]

I could've written your post, so I don't have advice. But tuck is wise, so I would listen to her

Maybe the pullout method failed you and that is why you are so emotional  :-#

[jfh]

Laurack! I don't know what others have said so sorry if I'm repeating. Pull yourself together!! You could start by visiting my house, where everything is a shithole and there are literally DIRTY DIAPERS on the floor most of the time. I don't need to pick anything out of the clothes hamper, because lately I just wear the same thing every day, so I just put it on top of my dresser every night for easy access in the morning. Kai  had virtually no party decorations and he didn't have a cake, much less a fondant masterpiece. I am probably failing out of school. (ok, I hope that one's an exaggeration but sometimes I'm not so sure). 

I don't really know what else to say. It's an emotional time, and it's easy to think that everyone else is doing life better than you are. They're not. You're a fun, smart person doing a great  job raising your daughter while still working, maintaining your family relationships, and having a life outside of the baby. Lots of thumbs up to you. And a big hug.

[Deleted]

You are SO not alone. I also work FT & it's hard as hell to keep it all together. A lot of days I feel that I'm doing about a million things, but all badly bc I don't have time to devote to any 1 thing.
And I also can relate to the pump. When it was time to quit, I cried. It becomes so emotional.
You're doing a great job!
Hugs!

[charmediamsure]

I feel you here, girl. I was so stressed about Jack's party. I had all this stuff to do and, of course, the two nights before the party the kid would not sleep unless he was held. I think these molars are hell for him and he just couldn't get into a deep enough sleep. I called my mom in tears the night before the party because DH works nights I had cheese to cut for the cheese tray, cupcakes to bake, signs for the cookie bar to cut out, birthday board to finish and the kid wouldn't let me put him down and hadn't let me have a decent amount of sleep in nearly 2 days. She came over and he cried through most of the 2 hours she rocked and bounced him in front of the TV while the Disney Jr. channel played. Then the afternoon of the party I sat on the floor in my mom's kitchen in tears again because people would be there in 40 minutes and I wasn't dressed, I had the helium tank trying to blow up balloons and I didn't have enough time to do everything. I kept whining "I need helllllllpppppppp".

Take comfort in the fact that the party won't be perfect, but she will enjoy it just the same. Honestly, I wish I would have relaxed about it a bit. Jack would have enjoyed it no matter how many balloons I fiddled with with that stupid helium tank, you know?

I pick clothes out of the clean laundry bin to wear too. Like they come out of the dryer and go into the bin until we wear them. Lately, when my mom comes over once a week to watch Jack she folds all our clothes and puts them away. I've started doing laundry the night before so I can act like I *just* did the laundry and just haven't gotten around to it yet. It makes me feel like the laziest POS but I'm pretty grateful for the fact that I don't have to do it.

And I totally understand you on your baby growing up too. I'm having such a hard time with the fact that he is growing up. He only wants to nurse now in the morning and before bed. And if I didn't offer it at those times he would probably fine not to nurse at all (unless he is feeling like he needs the comfort when his teething is really bothering him). It's hard to watch him get so big when a year ago he was so teeny and helpless.

[laurack]

Omigosh thank you all so much! You guys are amazing!

I really think I just need to chillax about the party and stop having crazy thoughts. Step away from marthastewart.com

Glad to hear I'm not the only one living in a shithole with unfolded laundry!

But yeah I feel like the weather is nice now, I should be bouncing about with happiness, perhaps holding balloons. Dancing, skipping, that sort of thing.

[Deleted]

Apr 8, 2013 16:47:28 GMT -5 tuck said:

I was pretty sad about Holden turning one, but I found out each year is just another opportunity to get to know your kid better. The older they get, the more they become real people- people who you get into hysterical laughing fits with (maybe over farts...but whatever), and people you can really get to know. Older kids are great.

Cut yourself some slack. Transitions are hard. I have to admit I cried in the tub when Holden told me her tooth was wiggly right after her fifth birthday, but she's still my "baby." She'll always be my baby. No matter how old she is. And M will always be yours.

Tuck said it so well.  It's so true.. each day that goes by you get to know them a little better.  I also felt sad and had a cry on DS2's birthday and it's so normal.  Probably most mums have a hard time around this point.  
((hugs)) laura.
We all sympathise & empathise with you!!

[christidee]

Oh hugs! I am having some similar emotions with J turning 1 also. I think it is all normal. Heck. I am trying to hold back the tears right now because tomorrow he is one and is a toddler and today he is 11 months and 30 days or whatever.

 Her birthday party will be gorgeous, and she will always be your baby, even when you take her prom dress shopping. She will still be your baby. Being a mom is hard work and I don't think any of us first time moms really knew what we were getting ourselves into until we were here. 

The laundry can wait. Mine is also sitting clean in the basket. Oh well. I rather be on here.

[laurack]

Now that I am not on the ipad and can read all the replies properly (stupid IPAD proboards crap!) I want to say thank you again to all of you. I feel so much better reading replies and realizing that I'm not the only one who feels like she is floundering in a pit of failure.

Also I'm like... if I feel like this now how the F do I think I'm going to handle being pregnant and having TWO CHILDREN!! aaah. But it will all work out.

Also I think I'll just pump twice a day for another week or two, til closer to her birthday.

Thank you all again. I really want to do personal replies and quote everyone but that seems a daunting task right now...

[musiclover]

Late to this thread because I was off-line for the past 3 days, but you know I can relate to you.

Working FT and having kid(s) is no joke, it's quite difficult and it's impossible to do it all perfectly.

I think we just need to focus on prioritizing and realizing that we are not perfect people, but we are doing a damn good job.
Come to my house on any given day and you'll find comfort.  I can't keep up with the bathroom cleaning, we often pull clean clothing from baskets on the floor, when the diaper genie fills up the diapers begin to pile up on it, the kitchen often has mega crumbs on it and I have to keep taking things away from Nolan that he might choke on, plus there are no gourmet meals during the week at my house.  Nothing is perfect, but we get by. I too, am VERY un-focused at work and feel guilty but my mind is not 100% on work anymore.  I often dream of walking out the door, and being able to find a part time job.

Don't be hard on yourself, I think you are doing an awesome job. (heart)

[mumegs]

I am feeling the same way too, I just finally narrowed down a weekend for Macy's party and now I have to put something together. I'm not doing anything special just having family over but I still need a cake and food and decorations and everything ugh. And I am sad about it too, in the past couple weeks she seems to look so much older like she's really not a baby anymore.
I came home from work last night and baked cupcakes so she could have one on her bday and by the time they were ready she was ready for bed. I tried to get her to eat one but she just sat in her chair and cried.

[Deleted]

I'm sorry you feel this was Laurack. If it makes you feel better, I think you are one of the funniest gals on here! You ALWAYS make me laugh! I understand your feelings though, I feel like I am half-way doing EVERYTHING in my life right now, and that's not a good feeling.