Unusual Baby Shower Situation

[lauren9317]

Hey ladies!

One of MH's best friends and his wife are expecting a baby. Very sadly, the baby has a condition where he/she is not developing properly and the baby is not expected to live once he/she is born.

They are having a baby shower for the baby. It is supposed to be a regular shower, where you bring gifts and act like nothing is wrong. The couple has said that no one should be sad for them because they are having a baby, and it is a happy occasion.

I kind of googled to see if this is something that gets done for this situation and could find nothing. I don't know what I'm supposed to think about this.

Thoughts?

Sorry, I know this is a sad and sensitive topic.

[jen812]

Is it an absolute certainty that the baby won't survive? Will the baby live for a short while? Weeks/months?

[lauren9317]

I just read over the email he sent and he said the baby could live for anywhere between an hour to some months. They've gone to 2 different hospitals and the doctors are "99.9%" sure

[melis74]

So sad, gave me the chills. I don't know what I would do, I would want to cry the whole time I was there. If it was me, I'm pretty sure I would not be having a shower. I guess if you can go and be supportive and not be a blubbering idiot like I would be than that is the right thing to do and take a gift like any other shower. If the baby does not make it, I suppose they can return it with a gift receipt 

[mrsjenrn]

This is such a sad situation. I actually had a patient like this one time. My preceptor and I were both pregnant at the time as well, so we felt bad taking care of the patient. In the corner of the room we saw all the baby stuff: clothes, blankets, boppy, car seat, etc. It made us so sad. We all just pretended like nothing was wrong. She had a shower as well and was saying how it was a huge shower and they had a ton of stuff for the baby. It sounds like everyone just went along with it. I wasn't there when the baby delivered, but he/she went right to the NICU and we don't know how long the baby survived. The nurse said that the parents were pretty realistic about the situation once the baby arrived. I guess it was just their way of coping? I honestly don't know what I would do in that situation. I would just follow the lead of the parents and let them mention any issues the baby has. If not, just leave it alone and support them.

[sara76]

How sad! It's nice that they want to celebrate the baby's life that it has now and share the experience with friends and family before the funeral and the bad stuff happens. I can respect that, and I admire it. I'm not saying it won't be uncomfortable, but if they want to celebrate and they invited me, I would get a nice blanket or some such gift that they could keep after and I would be there with the best smile I could offer under the circumstances. I'm sorry for everyone though.

[jen812]

Apr 11, 2013 14:38:44 GMT -5 lauren9317 said:

I just read over the email he sent and he said the baby could live for anywhere between an hour to some months. They've gone to 2 different hospitals and the doctors are "99.9%" sure

That's terrible.
I guess, since it's possible that they will enjoy some time with this baby, they will still need baby things.
I suppose you should go to the shower & be happy for them. Nobody knows how much time they have on this earth.

[kimandross]

I think jen812 is right, we don't know how much time we have, and if they want to celebrate the time they will have, then I guess everyone should go along. I think that will be a very hard shower to attend, but I would get a keepsake type item and wish them the best outcome that can be hoped for in something like this.

[lauren9317]

Thanks ladies. I just can't imagine how everyone will act at the shower. I think it will be very uncomfortable all around because they are very religious so there will be a lot of praying and then I'm not sure if people will be crying and sad, or just happy, acting like all is fine. Also, I don't know the mother-to-be very well at all. I'm not sure if I can even go, due to some things going on that weekend. But if I don't go, it will look like I'm avoiding it.

[lauren9317]

I will most likely go. It's the right thing to do. I feel so sorry for them but I would just never imagine someone having a baby shower in this situation.

[mskateb]

Wow. That's just horrible. I can't imagine. I don't want to try.

I guess their time is going to be more precious than anything else, so maybe something to free up time, like a gift certificate for takeout? And combine it with something for the baby like an outfit and a blanket?

Hard.

[lovethesun]

What a terrible situation. I dont know if I could go to the shower either as I would feel so sad and probably start crying. The blanket is such a good idea as its something they can keep and cherish, possibly use for another child, if they get that chance. Why do things like this happen to children?!?! Life has made me so sad lately with stories and things happening that should not.