Should we move? WWYD

[isabel]

Some background: DH and I are 24 and 25, have no children, rent our home, and currently live in Colorado.

DH grew up in Indiana and his whole family still lives there. We've contemplated moving there and have spent a good amount of time discussing it over the last couple of months. On a whim, he contacted a family friend, who put him in touch with a company, who then flew him out to be interviewed and offered him a job. This job will pay about 20% more than he is making now and is in a LCOL area than where we currently live. Essentially, he would be getting almost a 50% raise if you factor in the cost of housing there vs. here, plus additional COL factors.

I do not have a job lined up in the new city, but we would be able to stay with DH's parents for a few months while we look for a home (DH knows the area well from growing up there, so we are not interested in renting to get to know the area first). We also can pretty easily live off of DH's salary alone, though we wouldn't be able to continue saving money. I do not anticipate having a difficult time finding a position in Indiana, although I may not find something in my specific field immediately. All this said, my current employer offered me a significant increase (about 25%) and promotion when I talked to them about moving. I'm not sure I want to continue working in my field once we have children, so if I took this, I could be setting myself up to leave within a few years anyway.

The pros to moving: We would be able to start a family immediately, free child care from MIL, our children growing up with their extended family around, LCOL with effectively a higher HHI (once I find work), the ability to purchase a house we would love that would be well within our price range, 

The cons to moving: We love Colorado and the lifestyle we have here, the weather in the new city is a pretty major factor (less sun, more humid, etc.), I have a good job and have been offered a promotion, I think we could learn to like this new city, but I'm not sure we'll love it.

Other factors to consider: DH has been very unhappy in his current job for several months. If we don't move, he is not going to continue to work for his current employer, so I would be the sole income until he found another job. He interviewed for a position in a neighboring city, but hasn't heard back from them yet. There was a lot of competition for the position and he isn't sure he'll get an offer.

We cannot afford a home we really want here. I know we can continue to save and work toward something better, but we're both eager to settle into a home and start a family. Starting a family is not an option here for several more years due to the cost of child care in the early years. Doing so would eat up our ability to save anything and we want to continue to aggressively save for retirement, among other things.

If we move, we would have more expendable income to spend on things like travel (i.e. we could come to Colorado to ski, take an international vacation, etc.), eating out, decorating a home, etc.

Ultimately, the pros seem to outweigh the cons, but we're struggling with the emotional factor of leaving a city we love. That said, I can't say we won't love the new city either, so all this worry could be for nothing.

So, WWYD? Is it worth it move to be closer to family, but leave a city you're happy in? What if you could have a lot of the things you want in the new city, but not in the old city?

You deserve a cookie if you got through all that and are still interested in responding!

[sparkythelawyer]

I would have moved YESTERDAY

[Deleted]

i wouldn't. you're young. indiana isn't going anywhere. have fun where you love and then move later.


i know that you're eager to start a family, but man.  i would kill to be 24 and without kids sometimes. 

[Jalapeñomel]

If you love the place you live, I wouldn't move. You have lots of time.

And Indiana is boring, LOL.

[janegold]

It sounds like you guys are leaning towards Indiana so I think you should do it. Life is too short to not do what makes you happy.

Personally, I would not have wanted to be settling down and having kids at your age but to each his own.

[dizzydee]

I grew up in Indiana. Stay in Colorado. Trust me.

[Deleted]

I'd move, especially if you are interested in starting a family in the next couple of years. I grew up in Atl and my parents and most of our family friends were transplants from other areas, so I always thought it was kind of odd to settle down in the same place where one grew up and always planned to move somewhere else. Well, I now live in a house 10 minutes from the house I grew up in, and now that I have a child I realize that being near family is invaluable. My son absolutely adores my parents, and as someone who grew up with both sets of grandparents in other parts of the country, I think he's really lucky to grow up having a close relationship with them.

The help of having a grandma around is also invaluable. My mom would occasionally keep DS overnight when he was a newborn to let us have a full night's sleep. We get free babysitting. A couple weeks ago, all three of us got a horrible stomach bug, and my mom brought us gator-aid and saltines. Once when my husband was out of town, my dad came with me when I had to take my son to the ER in the middle of the night. I was so glad to have him there. I could go on and on, but as long as your in laws aren't bat shit crazy, I think you should jump at the opportunity to move since you know you want kids.

[rupertpenny]

Last year h and I moved back to our home state because we were lured by being close to family, lower col, lower taxes, and the possibility that we might actually buy a house here some day. We were 26 and 28.

To be honest we kind of regret it. Lower col is not all its cracked up to be sometimes. To us it isn't really making up for the change in lifestyle we made moving from an interesting place (DC) to a pretty boring place (north Florida).

So overall I would say don't move if you like where you live now. Your h can find another job there if he needs to.

[Deleted]

dupe

[imojoebunny]

My brother moved last summer to be near our family. He wanted to move years ago, but jobs kept him here, so he got a job that it doesn't matter where he lives, packed up and moved his family, including 3 kids, one who is a teen. They love it. Even the teen, but my SIL wishes they had done it years earlier. I say go for it.

[ndolehan]

I would move. I live away from family (not far, but far enough). Even before we had a baby I wished we lived closer. If you're thinking of starting a family soon I would move. This way you're settled into your new place and "ready" before babies!

Also - it seems like a great opportunity for your H and your pros outweigh your cons for sure!

[glitzyglow]

Indiana is not like Colorado. People rave about Colorado, and about its beauty, its health consciousness, and its diversity. No one says those things about Indiana.

[Deleted]

Apr 11, 2013 19:08:11 GMT -5 rupertpenny said:

Last year h and I moved back to our home state because we were lured by being close to family, lower col, lower taxes, and the possibility that we might actually buy a house here some day. We were 26 and 28.

To be honest we kind of regret it. Lower col is not all its cracked up to be sometimes. To us it isn't really making up for the change in lifestyle we made moving from an interesting place (DC) to a pretty boring place (north Florida).

So overall I would say don't move if you like where you live now. Your h can find another job there if he needs to.

Do you have any kids yet?  If not, I wonder if your opinion will be different in about a year or so.  It might not, but my perspective really changed after having a kid.  For us, our lifestyle changed so much that it doesn't really matter if we're not living in a very exciting area.

[Deleted]

I think this depends a lot on where in Indiana you are interested in moving. Is it a bigger city or at least close to a bigger city, or is it a small town? CO is definitely a different place than IN, but IN has some neat places as well. Indianapolis is a great city with lots of different areas.
How important is it to you to be near family? And are you ready for the changes that will come with being that close to family - seeing them more, lots of invitations to family get togethers, etc.? I worry about moving near DH's family because they get together a lot and have the habit of stopping by each other's houses, something I am not interested in. Just something else to think about.
I can't say either way what you should do. I would probably lean towards moving as it sounds like this is a good opportunity for career advancement for your DH and a 20% raise isn't anything to sneeze at, and that would be important to us. I also wouldn't want my DH to end up jobless anywhere as he is the bread winner right now, and we've lived with him unemployed and it was miserable.
Good luck!

[mskitkat]

Apr 11, 2013 19:08:11 GMT -5 rupertpenny said:

Last year h and I moved back to our home state because we were lured by being close to family, lower col, lower taxes, and the possibility that we might actually buy a house here some day. We were 26 and 28.

To be honest we kind of regret it. Lower col is not all its cracked up to be sometimes. To us it isn't really making up for the change in lifestyle we made moving from an interesting place (DC) to a pretty boring place (north Florida).

So overall I would say don't move if you like where you live now. Your h can find another job there if he needs to.

That is so not what I needed to hear. We're planning on doing the exact same thing for the same reasons. We're really concerned we'll regret it.

[Jalapeñomel]

Apr 11, 2013 19:14:37 GMT -5 @godawgs said:

Apr 11, 2013 19:08:11 GMT -5 rupertpenny said:

Last year h and I moved back to our home state because we were lured by being close to family, lower col, lower taxes, and the possibility that we might actually buy a house here some day. We were 26 and 28.

To be honest we kind of regret it. Lower col is not all its cracked up to be sometimes. To us it isn't really making up for the change in lifestyle we made moving from an interesting place (DC) to a pretty boring place (north Florida).

So overall I would say don't move if you like where you live now. Your h can find another job there if he needs to.

Do you have any kids yet?  If not, I wonder if your opinion will be different in about a year or so.  It might not, but my perspective really changed after having a kid.  For us, our lifestyle changed so much that it doesn't really matter if we're not living in a very exciting area.

But the OP doesn't have kids yet, so why not enjoy life in a city they love for a little longer before they have children?

[lilybug]

If you are sure that you want kids soonish, I'd go ahead and move. Being near family when you have babies is invaluable.

[Deleted]

Apr 11, 2013 19:20:17 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

Apr 11, 2013 19:14:37 GMT -5 @godawgs said:

Do you have any kids yet?  If not, I wonder if your opinion will be different in about a year or so.  It might not, but my perspective really changed after having a kid.  For us, our lifestyle changed so much that it doesn't really matter if we're not living in a very exciting area.

But the OP doesn't have kids yet, so why not enjoy life in a city they love for a little longer before they have children?

Yeah, I hear you on that.  Indiana really is pretty boring.  It's where my parents are from.  My concern is that if they plan on having kids in the next couple of years, another job opportunity might not come up and then they would be kicking themselves.  If they planned to wait 10 years before starting a family, then I'd say to not move.  However, jobs are hard to find in this economy, especially when searching from out of state, and I think it's risky to pass up the opportunity if kids are in the not too distant future.

[amberlyrose]

I'd be on the fence too. If I was ready to have kids and I could be closer to family AND make more money, the scales would probably tip towards moving.

[papie]

I would not move.  You are so young.  It sounds to me like moving is essentially what your H wants to do, and you would be sacrificing your career and the city you love.  Don't.  There will be plenty of time to have kids later. 

[Deleted]

Only you can answer this question because only you and your H know what you prioritize. I can see that your Pro list is longer that your Con list, but I can't know how much more weight/importance you give each of the individual items on each of those lists.

Maybe it's time to take a short trip out to Indiana to do a "what if" kind of visit - scope the areas, the neighborhoods, the "vibe" and see how you feel. It won't answer all your questions or give you a 100% level of certainty, but it might help...?

[annyong]

My H and I are in an incredibly similar situation (Portland vs. Omaha), and I think we're going to stay in the city we love for at least a few more years.

ETA: and we're much older than you. Hah! So, if I were you, I'd absolutely stay in Colorado.

[rupertpenny]

Apr 11, 2013 19:14:37 GMT -5 @godawgs said:

Apr 11, 2013 19:08:11 GMT -5 rupertpenny said:

Last year h and I moved back to our home state because we were lured by being close to family, lower col, lower taxes, and the possibility that we might actually buy a house here some day. We were 26 and 28.

To be honest we kind of regret it. Lower col is not all its cracked up to be sometimes. To us it isn't really making up for the change in lifestyle we made moving from an interesting place (DC) to a pretty boring place (north Florida).

So overall I would say don't move if you like where you live now. Your h can find another job there if he needs to.

Do you have any kids yet?  If not, I wonder if your opinion will be different in about a year or so.  It might not, but my perspective really changed after having a kid.  For us, our lifestyle changed so much that it doesn't really matter if we're not living in a very exciting area.

I'm pregnant right now. We are closer to family than we were, in the middle between my hometown and h's, but still a few hours from each so we don't have family right here. Anyway, my mom has a fifth grader at home and my in laws have demanding jobs so neither of them are really in a position to help us a ton even if we lived next door.

Anyway, I actually regret moving here more since I got pregnant. Even with the added expense I'd rather raise my kid somewhere with more opportunity and diversity.

And sorry if I'm thread jacking, OP.

[auntie]

Indiana is pretty boring. Bloomington isn't awful, but Indianapolis? (aka Indiana-no-place or Naptown depending on which of my in-laws are describing it) No. There's just nothing there aside from the track and the Childrens Museum to recommend it.


The reason HCOL areas are expensive is because they're desirable and people compete to live there.

[leia221]

Apr 11, 2013 19:41:48 GMT -5 auntie said:

Indiana is pretty boring. Bloomington isn't awful, but Indianapolis? (aka Indiana-no-place or Naptown depending on which of my in-laws are describing it) No. There's just nothing there aside from the track and the Childrens Museum to recommend it.

There's a reason HCOL areas are expensive, it's because they're desirable and lots of people are competing to live there.

Ha, there's more going on in Indy than Bloomington. OP, I don't know that moving to Indy is going to be better than where you are, but there is a lot more than the track and Children's Museum going on if you're looking at central IN 

[margotmacomber]

I'm not reading all of the replies, but I live in Ohio.  You will be trading up, monetarily speaking, but you will be trading down, lifestyle wise.  The midwest is great and all, but I promise you it is no Colorado.  I'm not saying don't move.  I'm just saying that the lifestyle will be very different.

[auntie]

Apr 11, 2013 19:46:56 GMT -5 leia221 said:

Apr 11, 2013 19:41:48 GMT -5 auntie said:

Indiana is pretty boring. Bloomington isn't awful, but Indianapolis? (aka Indiana-no-place or Naptown depending on which of my in-laws are describing it) No. There's just nothing there aside from the track and the Childrens Museum to recommend it.

There's a reason HCOL areas are expensive, it's because they're desirable and lots of people are competing to live there.

Ha, there's more going on in Indy than Bloomington. OP, I don't know that moving to Indy is going to be better than where you are, but there is a lot more than the track and Children's Museum going on if you're looking at central IN 

Like what? I'm really not trying to be snarky?

What is there in Indianapolis that one can't access in CO or some other cities? They have a couple good malls, a lot of chain restaurants, OK medical care, a couple of small OK museums but there's nothing really remarkable there.

I find the locals in Bloomington to be brighter than the average person I run into in central Indiana. 

[speckledfrog]

I have not read through all the posts, but I wanted to say that being near family does not always = easier. Sure it would be nice to have some family around for help but I am really glad I we have the freedom to do whatever we want and only deal with family every so often.

[Deleted]

Apr 11, 2013 19:39:02 GMT -5 rupertpenny said:

Apr 11, 2013 19:14:37 GMT -5 @godawgs said:

Do you have any kids yet?  If not, I wonder if your opinion will be different in about a year or so.  It might not, but my perspective really changed after having a kid.  For us, our lifestyle changed so much that it doesn't really matter if we're not living in a very exciting area.

I'm pregnant right now. We are closer to family than we were, in the middle between my hometown and h's, but still a few hours from each so we don't have family right here. Anyway, my mom has a fifth grader at home and my in laws have demanding jobs so neither of them are really in a position to help us a ton even if we lived next door.

Anyway, I actually regret moving here more since I got pregnant. Even with the added expense I'd rather raise my kid somewhere with more opportunity and diversity.

And sorry if I'm thread jacking, OP.

That is definitely valid.  My best friend lives in DC, and I am amazed at all the cool (and often free) things there is to do with kids there.  I personally couldn't give up my low cost of living and proximity to parents to live in a city that has more culture, diversity, etc, but I definitely admit that there are some advantages to making that choice.

[katecoop]

Apr 11, 2013 20:05:49 GMT -5 tulips said:

You said free child care. Has your MIL actually offered to be your child care provider if you move back?

H and I live in Indy. Closest family is 2 hours away and we're having baby #1 this summer. We've discussed moving to his hometown to be around family, but our life in Indy right now if what we want and what makes sense. H just got another promotion and I'm really happy at my job. I don't know if moving closer to family trumps that at this time.

I've been in Indy for 8 years and H has been here 9. We can always find something to do that doesn't involve the track, the Children's Museum or chain restaurants.. I really believe your experience in a city is what you make of it.

If you're happy in CO, I'd stay put for a while.

Agree with this. We live in Indy and we like it here, but my advice depends on entirely where in Indiana you plan to move. I grew up in a super small town, and that would be terrible, but if you are going to live in Indy, that would be fine.

And Indy has MUCH more to offer than Bloomington in comparison to Denver. Mass Ave is currently my favorite area, but there are plenty of interesting areas in the city.