Blah. Terrible memory.

[spitforspat]

I've only told H and my therapist about this. I'm hoping getting it out might help relieve some of my guilt.

My mom didn't want hospice care until absolutely necessary. We were caring for her ourselves at home. One morning her oxygen levels were very low and a bunch of emergency personnel came to try to stabilize her.

She was in and out, not always coherent. At one point she kept saying "what's going on? Am I dying? Am I dying?" And no one would answer her. So finally I said "yes. Not right now. But you are dying. That's what's happening."

And she got so upset. And later her therapist came and my mom told her in a troubled voice that someone told her she was dying. I thought it would help her to know what was happening. But it didn't. She died a couple days later and I never apologized.

This memory weighs so heavily on my heart. I just needed to get it out.

[walterismydog]

Oh honey. <3
I don't know what to say, but giant hugs your way. ((((spit))))

[snipsnsnails]

Oh ((((((spit))))))), if I could give you a thousand hugs I would. Your heart is heavy and I wish it weren't. You weren't trying to hurt her. Intention matters and yours was kind.

[Muddled]

You came from a place of helping. It's ok. Forgive yourself. Huge hugs.

[AlpineSlide]

((hugs))
You said nothing wrong. Don't beat yourself up.

[lightbulbsun]

You didn't do anything wrong. (((spit)))

[Deleted]

i think you did something kind, out of good motivation. i'm sorry it weighs on you.

[flamingeaux]

1. You did nothing wrong.
2. You did nothing wrong.
3. See 1 & 2
4. It probably did help her. She may not have said anything aloud, but she probably did take those days and get her own thoughts and feelings in order, and was probably more at peace, when she did die.

[sonrisa]

((Hugs))

You did nothing wrong. You did what you thought was best, out of kindness. She might have been troubled by either response. Perhaps when she ulitmately slipped away she was more ready because of what you said.

But most importantly - hugs. more hugs.

[Captain Serious]

Spit, I would have done the same thing, in hopes of easing her fear and so that she didn't continue to get worked up because no one was telling her what was happening.

Please don't beat yourself up over this. You did the best thing you knew to do for your mother because you love her.

[daisyheadmaizie]

You didn't do anything wrong. I think no matter how you answered you would be wondering if you should have said something different now. For what it is worth, I think you did the right thing. It may have upset her, but it also like allowed her to prepare for the end. Try not to be so hard on yourself. ((Hugs))

[TemperanceBrennan]

I think you did the right thing. I think being honest about things, especially things about life and death, is important and the right thing to do. It is hard, but right. You didn't do anything wrong and I think telling her what was happening helped her, even if it upset her. I think it was better for her to know what was happening than to just keep asking what was happening with no response from anyone.

I am sorry you have that memory and you struggle with it. I think when you are in a situation where a loved one is sick and/or dying, so many things happen very quickly and it is so hard to know what to do for every single thing you have to do. I think you just do your best. That's really all you can do.

((hugs))