Post by formerlyllizzyb on Apr 27, 2013 8:37:18 GMT -5
@tambcat, you're not alone. I too think I would be so happy in a cuddly, romantic but non sexual relationship with H. Part of my problem is I shut myself off from the intimacy sex requires. I don't want to go there.
I don't have any experience in this department, so my advice probably won't be that helpful. But, have you tried focusing on being intimate without sex? Just making a point to touch each other more, cuddle in bed, and kiss with no expectations always brings my sex drive up. I remember seeing something on Oprah that said to make it a point to miss your spouse for 10 seconds each day. It doesn't sound like much, but 10 seconds is a pretty passionate kiss. Perhaps that might light the fire so to speak? I don't know, but I hope you get it figured out! Big hugs!!
I actually went to a therapist for vaginismus but it was just by myself. Dh and I were dating then though. I've mentioned going together since William was born but he said no.
Post by sunshineluv on Apr 27, 2013 19:15:19 GMT -5
I hope your next conversation with him goes better. I can see why he would be resistant to it, if you are attributing your lack of sex drive to AD, and his sex drive is high, he may not understand the point of him going, I am over simplifying, but he may be in his head too.
Secondly, didn't I read once that you can have 30 min orgasms? I don't even really know what that means, mine are s quick, I think if I could have a 30 min orgasm, my vibe would break, haha.
I will add, I struggle with my drive right now too. I am holding out hope it is from still breast feeding, but who knows? DH would do it about every night of I let him, our drives used to match much more.
Sometimes I think about going, too. This sounds insane but I only like having sex when there's a chance I could get pregnant. Otherwise I'd be fine with no sex. I also feel pretty awkward during sex even though I have no reason to.
Maybe your H isn't taking it seriously? Maybe if you tell him therapy will lead to more sex it will be an incentive?
I hope it helps.
I only like having sex if I could get pregnant too... DH loved the 2 weeks we were TTC!!
I don't have much of a sex drive and even when I'm not on ADs, it's just always been like that. When I've taken Wellbutrin XL by itself my anxiety increased majorly. Now I take it with a low dose of Zoloft, no anxiety, or very minimal at least. It's a great combo, just fartin.
When you have sex are you enjoying it? I don't want sex much but when I do have it I really enjoy it and wonder wtf. But I'm lazy and tired too.
Hope things get better and you aren't alone in this as you can see.
I haven't been on here in ages, and my DD just managed to "like" this on my phone. I have no idea how to make it go away! Sorry!!! * insert embarrassed face here....* Carry on.
lol nooo the 30 minute orgasms are NOT me. That is someone else on ML. I don't know how that works either. I can have many orgasms on my own, but my vag gets too tired to have more than 2 or 3 during sex.
O.K., because I was never going to accept that you could be unhappy in any way ever again if you had that super power. :-)
Nothing more to add here, except to say I'm glad I'm not the only one with lack of desire for H. Things were SO good and exciting in the beginning, on our honeymoon, TTC... I guess I get bored easily. It's always the same. I've also learned about myself that the time of day really effects how I feel about sex. When I'm wide awake and busy at work, I think "Hm, I could to do DH right about now" and then we get home, cook dinner, eat crap, watch TV, go to bed, and I want nothing more than a good night's sleep. Maybe you two need a night away from LO to have some wine and re-connect?
You mentioned the burping/farting. When H does that, I sarcastically say "Wow, that really makes me want you." So he gets the point that that is a HUGE turn off. We try to be playful, too, like grabbing each other's butts in passing. But again, the deed is about 1x month here. Good luck Tamb!
I guess it is mostly with him, but that is what real sex is for me. Everything else is just fantasy, and if it actually came down to really doing it more than once, I'd probably feel the same way with anyone. Does that make sense? Maybe I am just bored, but I am not really comfortable trying new things with him - which is probably something I need therapy for. lol. we are pretty boring and routine, sexually. And I don't know if I really want HIM to be any different. Like, different scenarios might be nice as fantasies, but I won't really want him acting them out, because it's just not how he is. I don't mean role-play, necessarily, just things that are not in line with his personality. e.g., I don't really want him picking me up and throwing me on the bed or talking dirty to me.
It's like you are writing my thoughts.
sometimes I wonder if I would be into sex with someone else, like you know hot Celebs etc. when I think of it like an abstract thought its like Mmm yeah. BUT then when I think of the actual SEX part that seems awkward in my head too. Sooo I don't think it's just hubs, I think I am just a weirdo.
sometimes I wonder if I would be into sex with someone else, like you know hot Celebs etc. when I think of it like an abstract thought its like Mmm yeah. BUT then when I think of the actual SEX part that seems awkward in my head too. Sooo I don't think it's just hubs, I think I am just a weirdo.
I feel the exact same way.
Yep...I think many of us feel this way. You are not alone.
Am I the only one who only has one orgasm per sexing.. Lasting approximately three seconds? (huh)
LOL, you aren't the only one. I'm probably even worse, I have NEVER had an orgasm from sex. From other things, yes, but never penis in vagina orgasm. I'm amazed that people can have this!
Am I the only one who only has one orgasm per sexing.. Lasting approximately three seconds? (huh)
LOL, you aren't the only one. I'm probably even worse, I have NEVER had an orgasm from sex. From other things, yes, but never penis in vagina orgasm. I'm amazed that people can have this!
<abbr>I guess it is mostly with him, but that is what real sex is for me. Everything else is just fantasy, and if it actually came down to really doing it more than once, I'd probably feel the same way with anyone. Does that make sense? Maybe I am just bored, but I am not really comfortable trying new things with him - which is probably something I need therapy for. lol. we are pretty boring and routine, sexually. And I don't know if I really want HIM to be any different. Like, different scenarios might be nice as fantasies, but I won't really want him acting them out, because it's just not how he is. I don't mean role-play, necessarily, just things that are not in line with his personality. e.g., I don't really want him picking me up and throwing me on the bed or talking dirty to me.
@lindy, I wish it were just a postpartum thing, but it has been going on for years. I don't mean to minimize what you are going through. It's just that then I would have something else to blame it on and I wouldn't worry so much that it indicated a fatal flaw in our relationship.
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Most guys have fantasies of their own or things they'd like to try in the bedroom but they are just to embarrassed to tell us like we will judge them. My DH was that way. If the idea of sex therapy doesn't work and you are not sure if you'd want to try new things with him because it just doesn't seem to "fit" him, maybe try asking him what he'd like to try? Ask him if there is something he has always wanted to do but has been too embarrassed to say.
Am I the only one who only has one orgasm per sexing.. Lasting approximately three seconds? (huh)
LOL, you aren't the only one. I'm probably even worse, I have NEVER had an orgasm from sex. From other things, yes, but never penis in vagina orgasm. I'm amazed that people can have this!
Well, I can't just lay there and get off on his penis going in and out of my vagina. lol. I can't get off on internal (g-spot, whatever) stimulation. I have to be positioned just right so I am getting good external stim.
Ok, I see what you're saying. Maybe I just suck at sex!!