Is this the new wedding norm?

[Deleted]

We got an invitation this weekend to H's cousin's wedding in about three weeks. I thought I lost the RSVP card, searched up and down, and ended up calling the bride this morning to explain that we would be attending and that I was sorry for misplacing the RSVP card.


Turns out they didn't send one. They want everyone to RSVP via text. Bride then complained that she hadn't gotten a lot of RSVP's back, after sending out 400 invitations. She doesn't even note on the invitation that you're supposed to text, so I guess everyone is supposed to be psychic. 


I can't imagine having to monitor my phone for random texts all day long. There's no way I could keep track of that. 

[vanillacourage]

I bet they just didn't want to spend the money on reply cards and return postage. 

[leeann]

I can't imagine wanting to be notified via text. #1 I don't have everyone's number in my phone, I'd be unsure who the F was RSVP'ing. #2 You'd have to assume that the replying person is going to remember to give you all the needed info via text. This just sounds inefficient and dumb to me.

[Deleted]

Apr 29, 2013 8:59:58 GMT -5 leeann said:

I can't imagine wanting to be notified via text. #1 I don't have everyone's number in my phone, I'd be unsure who the F was RSVP'ing. #2 You'd have to assume that the replying person is going to remember to give you all the needed info via text. This just sounds inefficient and dumb to me.

This is how I see it. I can't imagine the anxiety I would give myself trying to sort through all that info (or lack thereof). 

[daisybuchannan]

I don't think that's the new norm, no.

That is very tacky and lacks a formality I think weddings should have.

If you're going to go that route, why send a paper invite at all?

[pinkflats]

Never in a million years would I ask people to RSVP this way. I would get so fucking annoyed if I had hundreds of people texting my phone to RSVP. Do you have to select a dinner option too? No way, Jose, I'm glad I'm already married in case this becomes the new fad.

[winnied]

That's ridiculous. I'm not even a fan of the website RSVPs. My friend did that last year and then was upset when most people didn't RSVP.

[rex]

That is definitely not the norm. I do know that the last 3 weddings I've been to have all been RSVP online, but wtf at texting.

[LaceyV]

400 INVITES?? Are they inviting every person they have ever met? Holy crap.

I've heard of the electronic RSVP, but to text? My grandma would never be able to RSVP, she can't even figure out how to get to her voice mail.

[eddy]

My sister is only doing electronic rsvp for her wedding this summer. Either call, text or send email. She indicated so on the invitation.

[goaskalice]

So she'd rather have 400 texts to sift through than she'll out extra cash for RSVP cards? Smart one that girl.

[eddy]

The reason people are moving away from the paper rsvps is they have low return. This is what my sis's wedding planner told her. You will get more responses if you make it easy for your guest. It makes sense to me. I always lose that damn card and we can't send outgoing mail in our house. So I have to remember to drop it off at a post office mailbox. It normally collects dust for apprx 2 months then I send it in last minute. Instead I can just send a quick email the second I get the invitation. Boom, done

[Deleted]

I don't really mind the electronic return, if that's how you want to do your own wedding, have at it. Not my problem. I guess I'm just surprised at it not being mentioned on the invite. Texting wouldn't have been my first assumption to RSVP if not prompted, you know?

[mushmouse]

I worked with a girl who sent out "engraved invitations" and saved money by not doing rsvps. Her mother told her it was ridiculous and she insisted that people should just know to call her. It seemed really weird to me, especially if you don't put anything telling people that.

And before this I had no idea engraved invitations were even a real thing!

[Kit]

Definitely not the new norm. I imagine she's going to have a hell of a time tracking people down to see if they are actually coming.

[aprilsails]

I can see doing that but you have to let people know how to contact you. For instance, I have no idea what DH's cousins phone number is, so I would never in a million years text her that I am coming to her wedding.

She's in trouble on this one.

[cheeseandcrackers]

what? that's weird.

[fluffaluff]

I find that incredibly tacky.

[msmerymac]

Apr 29, 2013 9:07:12 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

Actuallly, RSVP cards are incorrect. (According to Miss Manners). According to etiquette, people are supposed to RSVP to any event, including weddings, in the same manner they were invited. So if you got a written invite, you respond in writing to the host or hostess. If she asked you to respond by text, I cannot imagine why you wouldn't, but if that's not what you want to do, revert to the proper etiquette.

You can do this. Pull out a notecard, and send her a nice note saying you'll be there, or you won't be there.

Yes. I don't know that RSVP cards are incorrect, per se, but they are definitely a modern invention. If you don't get one, you're supposed to write a response on your stationary and mail it. 

But given that a lot of people can't be bothered to write their name on a pre-printed card and then put the pre-stamped envelope in the mail, I feel like the personalized, hand written RSVP is a lost art. Out of the 70 wedding invitations I got, I'd probably get, like, 2 actual responses, probably from my dad's aunts or something. It was a chore to get my in-laws to even respond. I had my husband tell them that we didn't care about getting the card back, but they had to tell us what meal they wanted. 

I also feel awkward texting people I don't know. My stepfather doesn't even have a text package, so there are still people paying 10 cents for each text you send them.

[sonrisa]

No RSVP card and no other instructions mean you expect a hand written reply note. Unless you have ESP.

[Deleted]

Apr 29, 2013 10:35:19 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

No RSVP card and no other instructions mean you expect a hand written reply note. Unless you have ESP.

So should I go ahead and just send a note to her, even after I called? 

[Deleted]

Apr 29, 2013 9:13:05 GMT -5 eddy said:

The reason people are moving away from the paper rsvps is they have low return. This is what my sis's wedding planner told her. You will get more responses if you make it easy for your guest. It makes sense to me. I always lose that damn card and we can't send outgoing mail in our house. So I have to remember to drop it off at a post office mailbox. It normally collects dust for apprx 2 months then I send it in last minute. Instead I can just send a quick email the second I get the invitation. Boom, done

The only reason I mailed our most recent invite, besides the fact that there was no electronic option, is that I was seeing her the next week, lol.

I like the online RSVP systems but text seems bad to me.

[cleo29]

No, this is dumb. I can understand a website especially when that it is clearly stated. Also, keeping track of texts seems annoying to me.

[sonrisa]

Apr 29, 2013 10:37:33 GMT -5 @bettyhomewrecker33 said:

Apr 29, 2013 10:35:19 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

No RSVP card and no other instructions mean you expect a hand written reply note. Unless you have ESP.

So should I go ahead and just send a note to her, even after I called?

I just meant she had no reason to expect texts unless she told everyone (or has mind control)

[Deleted]

The most recent wedding invitation I received asked for an email RSVP, but the couple lives in Japan and many of the people who are invited live in the US, so that made perfect sense to me.

We were invited to a wedding a few years ago that was pure tackiness all around (it was a destination wedding in the Dominican Republic, and the invitation noted that if you did not stay at the resort where the wedding was, you would be charged $100 per person to attend the wedding). At any rate, they had a phone number for an RSVP and didn't even specify *who* you would be calling. I think it ended up being an aunt or something. That was an awkward "sorry, but we can't make it."

[wambam]

I'm okay with an electronic RSVP, so long as it is very clear that's what I'm supposed to do. But obvs that didn't occur here. lame.

[Deleted]

People are so cheap. And 400 invites?
Holy hell.

[candreco]

So all 400 guests have her cell number? This is ridiculous on several levels.

[bonquiqui]

She should have texted an invite then lol

[anlo]

I'm stuck at 400 invitations. Holy shit.