Question for Moms

[daisybuchannan]

snack food. I was constantly starving and we had pastas, and other heavy foods given to us but I really just wanted things I could grab quickly.

[partiallysunny]

I would have appreciated a fruit and veggie tray (something to snack on) and someone to do the dishes.

[sweetptater]

Apr 29, 2013 9:29:56 GMT -5 Lucy Honeychurch said:

Food. Meals. Snacks. Show up with nice bath stuff and make her go soak in a tub for an hour while you watch the baby. While you're there, throw in a load of laundry, do her dishes, wipe down the counters, and if she protests, you tell her that having a baby is a major mindfuck and someday you expect her to show up at YOUR house and do the same.

Be no-nonsense, be practical, listen to her but don't overly indulge her. She probably needs a little mothering.

I like this. I would have killed for someone to show up at my house and just start helping without being asked.

[lilybug]

Yes, new (especially nursing) moms are usually really hungry. I know I was. Things with oats (ie, cookies!) can boost milk production. Easy-to-read books are nice, if you know her taste. Or magazines. Little treats like chapstick, lotion, slippers, etc.

[pinkflats]

I don't necessarily know about what to put in a care package, but I'm sure she could use your help. I seriously would have loved to have someone come over during the day while my husband was at work to keep me company, tend to the baby while I showered, peed, ate, etc. I had a ton of post partum issues (medical) that kept me kind of homebound for a while, so you do tend to get lonely during the day if you can't get out of the house. I'm sure just bringing yourself will be perfect.

[calledout]

Another ditto for lucy. When people visited me, it would stress me out b/c I would feel like I was entertaining. I had to clean, prepare snacks, drinks, etc. Occasionally someone would ask if there was anything they could do to help, but I always said "Noooo! Everything is great!" It wasn't. So, maybe let her know in advance that you're coming over, that you are bringing snacks and that you plan to do some laundry or whatever while she takes a nap. Just say it in a no-nonsense kind of a way and don't let her argue.

Also - I always liked food that could be eaten with one hand. Cut up fruit, cookies, etc.

[calledout]

Apr 29, 2013 9:59:16 GMT -5 AutumnRose25 said:

Apr 29, 2013 9:58:26 GMT -5 calledout said:

Another ditto for lucy. When people visited me, it would stress me out b/c I would feel like I was entertaining. I had to clean, prepare snacks, drinks, etc. Occasionally someone would ask if there was anything they could do to help, but I always said "Noooo! Everything is great!" It wasn't. So, maybe let her know in advance that you're coming over, that you are bringing snacks and that you plan to do some laundry or whatever while she takes a nap. Just say it in a no-nonsense kind of a way and don't let her argue.

Also - I always liked food that could be eaten with one hand. Cut up fruit, cookies, etc.

She was the one who asked if I could come over, so she knows I will be there

I mean, let her know in advance what's going to happen once you get there.  Say, "when I come to visit, I want to spend an hour doing stuff for you around the house.  Feel free to make a list of things you'd like done, or else I'll just take it upon myself to do a few things.  You should plan to take a nap or a bath or run an errand.  And then we can visit." 

[mushmouse]

Offer to take the baby for a walk in the carriage.  Insist.  My sisters would come and bring food and it was great.  But it always ended up that he would actually sleep while they were here.  I would be exhausted from the visit and then he would be up again.  I would have committed crimes for someone who would have come here and taken him out of the house for a little bit.

ETA: and ditto everyone else.  I had to pull myself and the house together and look like I had my shit together.  I so desperately needed to lie down.

[dragonfly08]

Apr 29, 2013 9:29:56 GMT -5 Lucy Honeychurch said:

Food. Meals. Snacks. Show up with nice bath stuff and make her go soak in a tub for an hour while you watch the baby. While you're there, throw in a load of laundry, do her dishes, wipe down the counters, and if she protests, you tell her that having a baby is a major mindfuck and someday you expect her to show up at YOUR house and do the same.

Be no-nonsense, be practical, listen to her but don't overly indulge her. She probably needs a little mothering.

Excellent advice!

The best "gifts" I got after my kids were born were snacky foods I could grab on the go and/or with one hand (cut up fruit, a basket of yummy chocolates, etc.) for some energy, and help around the house.  My mom and MIL each cooked while they were here and stocked my freezer for later after #2 was born.  MIL cleaned everything (heck, the woman would have ironed our underwear if I'd let her!) and my mom did tons of laundry.  Plus having someone who could watch the baby so I could just go to the bathroom in peace, never mind actually soak in the tub for longer than 2 minutes, was HUGE.  

[Tacocat]

Lucy's suggestion is great. It was awesome as a new mom when my mom would come over and watch the baby so I could nap for an hour or two and take a bath. Ask her to make a list of things you can help with around the house, she will definitely appreciate that.

[fluffaluff]

Snacks, alone time by watching the baby for her for a while...a shower!

[jacquie]

Apr 29, 2013 9:29:56 GMT -5 Lucy Honeychurch said:

Food. Meals. Snacks. Show up with nice bath stuff and make her go soak in a tub for an hour while you watch the baby. While you're there, throw in a load of laundry, do her dishes, wipe down the counters, and if she protests, you tell her that having a baby is a major mindfuck and someday you expect her to show up at YOUR house and do the same.

Be no-nonsense, be practical, listen to her but don't overly indulge her. She probably needs a little mothering.

Great advice.

After I had my son, who wanted to nurse every hour and be held when he wasn't nursing, it was a godsend for someone to come over, hold the baby while I took a shower then closed my eyes for a half hour, then just hang out and talk about normal, adult shit. Those first weeks/months of parenthood are so freaking hard and such a huge change. She'll appreciate a little break, some help, and some adult conversation.

[AHappierHour]

I think everyone has made awesome suggestions. I might add a nice coffee/tea gift basket with a new mug or fun creamers.

[angelaa73]

Pretzels, apples and bottles of water. Easy one-hand food

[LLL]

Do you know if she is nursing? I craved sweets something fierce when I started breastfeeding.

[LLL]

Apr 29, 2013 11:15:42 GMT -5 AutumnRose25 said:

Apr 29, 2013 11:12:44 GMT -5 LLL said:

Do you know if she is nursing? I craved sweets something fierce when I started breastfeeding.

She is, she has been having a really hard time so anything I can do to make her feel better would be great!

www.food.com/recipe/oatmeal-chocolate-chip-lactation-cookies-by-noel-trujillo-192346

[LLL]

I didn't drink any of the teas but I did take Fenugreek which helped. Another suggestion would be Guinness but unfortunately it is wheat-free, not gluten-free

[fryjack2]

I used the tea. But I also was trying a million other things too, so not sure what exactly helped.

Do you have a target near by? I bought a bunch of those big tubs of different kinds of trail mix. I had those and liter bottles of Smart water in front of me when I nursed.

Hmmm. not sure about the gluten free aspect. Maybe cut up a bunch of fruit and put it in single serving containers? And same for veggies.

And ditto what PP have suggested.

And you are a great friend.

[alzi]

Don't ask what you can do. Just do things. She will appreciate it. I was not comfortable saying SURE do my dishes or my laundry, but I would have loved for someone to do it.

[livinitup]

I loved those 'salads in a bag' from the grocery store. I used to be all like "dude, I can make a salad" but in the those weeks after DD fell in LOVE with popping open a bag and having no prep or clean-up. Everything is individually sealed so she can skip the croutons if she is GF. 

[firedancer49]

I need you all as in real life close to me friends when I have #2. Not one person (other than my mom, mil and sister) ever offered to do anything or ask if we needed anything. About a year or so after I had dd I looked back and realized how shitty my friends are/were. Not b/c they didn't clean my house for me, but b/c they did nothing at all (ie - even reach out, etc).

[Deleted]

FOOD.  She likely feels that all she does is breastfeed.  It's like once you finish feeding, burp the baby, and then change the diaper, it's time to start all over again.  Getting a nice, hot meal is difficult. I stayed with my best friend for a few days when her baby was a week old, and she raved about how wonderful it was to have me there to cook some meals.  I would put together a couple of meals that can be frozen, and maybe bring disposable plates and utensils so she doesn't have to worry about any dishes.

[papie]

Apr 29, 2013 11:28:29 GMT -5 alzi said:

Don't ask what you can do. Just do things. She will appreciate it. I was not comfortable saying SURE do my dishes or my laundry, but I would have loved for someone to do it.

YES!

I had a friend who came and was all "What can I do? Do you need help?" and I was all "Noooo, I'm good, just sit and hang out" when really I was exhausted and just wanted to take a nap while someone else did the dishes.  But I just couldn't get myself to ask. 

And cookies.  All I wanted was cookies.