oh, jesus. we're not all little islands of self-directed, self-importance. yes, i wanted to go to make my husband happy, because i like my ILs, and because doing things that wouldn't be my absolute 1st choice of supahfun doesn't mean i don't "want" to do them. it wasn't a visceral want the way i want some french fries right now, but it was a want.
There is a difference between not wanting/grumbling about going and suggesting that your spouse go on their own. It sounds like cville has always been a good sport about going, and perhaps not wanted to go at all. It sounds like she's more annoyed that he is not being a good sport about going.
Post by wrathofkuus on May 1, 2013 10:39:29 GMT -5
There's something in that that's striking me as gendered and off somehow, that I can't put into words.
Anyway, I do think he should do this for ypu with a minimum of fuss and complaint, but there's something off in the expectation that not just his actions but his actual feelings should be positive about this.
There's something in that that's striking me as gendered and off somehow, that I can't put into words.
Anyway, I do think he should do this for ypu with a minimum of fuss and complaint, but there's something off in the expectation that not just his actions but his actual feelings should be positive about this.
okay. continue to believe that i'm 2 steps away from wanting to mind-control my husband. i can rest assured that you have utterly missed my point.
Post by thatgirl2478 on May 1, 2013 10:43:20 GMT -5
I'd be annoyed.
Is this the kind of place you can get to by leaving after work & driving overnight? if so, leave Wed, take off Thurs/Fri. Can he work extra hours before hand to make up the billable hours? (I know about this [ ] much about lawyering)
I get why he'd be hesitant, but I also get that these sorts of vacations area BFD for many people (it would be for my family too - our 'vacations' were mostly weekend trips to historical sites within an 4 hr drive of our home. We got excited because we got to sleep in a hotel, get snacks from the vending machine and swim. We always argued about who would get to sleep in the roll away bed... we were weird ... and yes, it would be all 4 of us in a single hotel room).
my parents have rented a beach house on the jersey shore for 2 weeks this summer (in a nice area where snooki would mostly look out of place). it's a giant pain in the ass to get to from where i live, but it's where i went as a kid and i'm excited to take L there. they've never done anything like this before, it's a BFD for them, AND it's for my mom's 65th birthday.
okay, so first my dad is all "omigah, come THE WHOLE TIME." that's not really an option (we can swing like We/Th-Su) given another vacation we'd already planned (before we knew about the house) and my work and that i'll be going on mat leave and blah blah. okay, great. my parents are disappointed but understanding.
my husband is being wishy-washy about whether he'll come. he's like "you and L should go just the two of you and really spend time with your parents!" i don't think he really gets how much of a BFD this is for my very frugal parents who worked very hard for a long time to be able to do things like this (literally, i went on one vacation before the age of 18 that involved not staying with relatives. one. because that's what we could afford.). plus i'll be ginormous then (it's in august).
i don't want to strongarm him into going (he's worried about billables, paternity leave, blah blah blah). i just want him to WANT to go, so now i think i'm annoyed even though i get it.
I think he should be going, if for no other reason, than to be help when you are in that stage of pregnancy. and traveling with a toddler. You put up with his parents a lot of the time, he can make the time to do this.
we are now belaboring a very minor point of my initial post. however, i will endeavor to explain.
i do not want him to want to go to new jersey with his in laws.
i want him to want to support me and to respect and acknowledge the reasonable things that will make me happy. i.e., i do not want to be put in a position where i'm explaining to him why he should deign to entertain this request.
making me happy and supporting me in this scenario is to go, without any interim gymnastics on my part and with minimal to no grumbling on his.
ETA: and, before i have to go for the day, i pointed out my trip with my ILs (which i agreed to happily and without complaining) to demonstrate that this is not some bizarro gendered thing. i expect no more from him than i do from myself.