Have you told your family you are leaving your h? Did they ask why? I would have a hard time not sending a 'family newsletter' stating simply that Aunt and H are twatfaces that slept together and lied for FOUR FUCKING YEARS!
I want to set shit on fire on your behalf right now. I am so enraged for you and I am sorry you are going through this. You have every right to be angry and every right to confront her about this. You do not have to keep the peace here, and worry about hurting others. You have truly been wronged, in a disgusting way. If it were me I would have gone scorched earth on her ass without a second thought. If you need help hiding some bodies, let me know.
Kudos to you though because there is no way that I would handle this as gracefully as you are. I would make sure that Every. Single. Family. Member knew why my marriage ended and that Auntie is a giant whore, Thanksgiving be damned.
I have tons of advice, but none of it is good. Most of them involve fire. There is no way I could have been in the same room as that woman. I would either have been LOUDLY passive aggressive, or just plain aggressive aggressive.
It doesn't matter what others would do-do what makes YOU most comfortable. If it is easiest for YOU to tell your other aunt, go for it. Fuck her, fuck him, do what is best for YOU. Who cares if it is the mature or right way to go? There is NO right in this situation, so fuck it.
First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't really have any advice because you should do what feels right for you. Just don't try to protect anyone (except, as you said, your Grandma) if it means YOU don't get to be comfortable and happy at your own family gatherings.
OMG - I am so sorry you are surrounded by shitty people who don't have your back.
I would absolutely tell the entire family (minus the ailing grandmother) that she is a whore. They might not actually be that surprised to hear this information, based on your follow up description of her.
So I usually lurk on this board but I just wanted to add that this whole situation is exactly what my MIL went through with her first husband, my H's dad. Her "aunt" (technically not blood-related, she grew up with MIL's mom for their whole lives) and husband slept together while her boys (my H and BIL) were 6 and 7. They are currently now MARRIED. Yes. H's "aunt" has been his stepmother since he was 9 years old.
MIL told me that when she found out she bonfired all of her H's clothes and busted aunt's windshield with a rock when she came to help him move his stuff out. She didn't react very well to say the least, but I don't really blame her because I can't imagine the rage.
I'd confront, privately, but I'd tell my parents first. You have nothing to hide or walk on eggshells about. If I were you I'd be burning bridges left and right.
I am going to write something up in the morning to send to her. We don't see each other too terribly often, and when we do it's around tons of family, so I think an email will be my best bet. No way in hell am I driving out to her house where the fucking took place to have a chat with her.
Hopefully I can be scary enough about it that she will avoid get togethers for a while. If anyone has suggestions for content, lmk. The only coherent thought I can put together is HOW COULD YOU.
i would tell who i felt like telling and then refuse to be in her presence ever again. i wouldn't want too share the same air as any family member who'd pick that aunt over me, so fuck thanksgiving niceties.
work with your dad (whose own response leaves much to be desired) to figure out how to protect your grandma, if that's what you think best.
I don't think any family members would pick her over me, if it came to that. It just sucks that my aunts and uncles will basically lose a sibling, my cousins will lose an aunt... I *know* I shouldn't care. She did this to herself. I couldn't care less if she rots in Hell. I just hate to see everyone else affected by it.
I am going to write something up in the morning to send to her. We don't see each other too terribly often, and when we do it's around tons of family, so I think an email will be my best bet. No way in hell am I driving out to her house where the fucking took place to have a chat with her.
Hopefully I can be scary enough about it that she will avoid get togethers for a while. If anyone has suggestions for content, lmk. The only coherent thought I can put together is HOW COULD YOU.
how could you sounds just fine. personally, i would want to keep it short because i have no interest in giving anything of myself to lowlife scum. i know what you did, how could you, dont ever speak to or look at me or my children ever again, you cannot and will never be able to fix this. goodbye forever, roast in hell.
Dear aunt- I'm supposed to contact everyone my H slept with to let them know they possibly have a rare and incurable STI- you were on the list. Get tested, in hell.
P.S. how could you?
P.P.S. don't answer that. Never contact me or my family again.
Dear aunt- I'm supposed to contact everyone my H slept with to let them know they possibly have a rare and incurable STI- you were on the list. Get tested, in hell.
P.S. how could you?
P.P.S. don't answer that. Never contact me or my family again.
This. Definitely this....in a pretty on the outside card! Or email. But definitely, this.
I think I'd explode if I confronted her in person so I'd write an email/letter telling her I know what she did and never what to see her again. And I would tell my parents why I don't want to see her again.
ETA: just saw you had told your dad. Good.
I'm really sorry this happened but I am glad your SIL finally let you know what a dick you were married to.
I have lurked for awhile, but never posted (yeah that makes me creepy and/or a putz)
Here is what I think I would do. Send an email to everyone in the family you think should know about what is going on. State dear family, me and dh are divorcing as I recently found out he slept with aunt 4 years ago while I was pregnant with son. I am not requesting you take sides but wanted you to be aware of what is going on and why I will NOT be speaking to Aunt. Please do not share this info with grandma as I dont think it would be best. Aunt - there are no excuses for your horrible behavior, do not speak to or attempt to interact with me or my children ever again. Sincerely, x.
The benefits are everyone knows, she knows they know, and you dont have to keep repeating yourself to the family.
I am going to write something up in the morning to send to her. We don't see each other too terribly often, and when we do it's around tons of family, so I think an email will be my best bet. No way in hell am I driving out to her house where the fucking took place to have a chat with her.
Hopefully I can be scary enough about it that she will avoid get togethers for a while. If anyone has suggestions for content, lmk. The only coherent thought I can put together is HOW COULD YOU.
how could you sounds just fine. personally, i would want to keep it short because i have no interest in giving anything of myself to lowlife scum. i know what you did, how could you, dont ever speak to or look at me or my children ever again, you cannot and will never be able to fix this. goodbye forever, roast in hell.
First of all - this. I wouldn't waste a whole lot of words on her. Her knowing that you know would be enough for me.
Second, I'm kind of LOLing that your STBex isn't talking to his sister and may never talk to her again. Talk about putting the blame where is does not belong. Deflect!!! What *I* did isn't the issue - the fact that my sister blabbed - THAT'S the issue!!!!
I am so very sorry for your loss ( of your daughter) I can't imagine the pain you have gone through.
Personally I wouldn't send an email, only because you don't get to see the OH SHIT face that you know, and 2nd she doesn't get to get shamed like you feel. She doesn't get to make excuses ( drunkiness in my eyes is no excuse).
I would certainly, say hey can we meet for lunch and discuss a few things? Then get the card that other poster stated, and maybe a balloon that could be tied to her chair that says cheatin beotch on it hopefully you would get there first, so she can see it when she goes to sit down. I would have ordered the most expensive thing on the menu, hand her the card, and say buh bye, and leave her with the bill and the shock.
I also would then get a hold of the most gossipy family member you can find and spill the beans. You won't have to tell anyone, it will be around and then added too a million times.
I hope you find some peace in all of this, and get through it but screw him up the ass in court that is all i can say. ~hugz~
Also I know the point of this post was about Aunt, but I don't know if there is a lower type of human being than the type that cheats on his bedrest ridden wife. My god. And then to brag about it? Jesus he must have no soul. I am so sorry.
lilybug, I am so, so sorry that you have had to endure so much.
I'm very sorry, first of all, for the loss of your child - I cannot even imagine.
I'm sorry as well for the triple betrayals you were slapped in the face with - your husband, your aunt, and yes, your supposed BFF/SIL. Your husband is a piece of shit, but I think in some ways, the betrayal by your aunt is worse, and yes, "BFF"/SIL also falls into this camp because she KNEW the WHOLE time and never told you.
I get she was in a tough spot because your STBXH is her brother but if she were a real friend, she would have told him, you tell her or I will. And I find it highly suspect that she waits until her own marriage is imploding before revealing this little "gem." Misery sure does love company.
I am very non-confrontational but for this, I think I would confront your aunt face to face, privately.
She needs to see first-hand the devastation SHE caused with her cruel, selfish actions. She needs to see your face and hear your voice as you speak the truth of what she did to you and how you will NEVER have a relationship with her again, she will never have a relationship with anyone in your immediate family again. Even if your legs are trembling, even if your voice is shaking - so what, let her HEAR that and let her remember THAT moment and the moments that led to that moment for the rest of her life.
There is no way I wouldn't have screamed in her face over the quiche comment. I am a bit aggressive when I feel as though me (or one of mine) has been wronged. If email is better for you, do email. Have your dad phone tree the rest of the family "Lilybug is getting divorced. XH and our sister slept together while she was pregnant with daughter". Lay out your conditions in the email and tell her that your dad or your other aunt is telling the rest of the family.
Aunt, I know that you and H had sex while I was pregnant with daughter. I am divorcing both of you because of it. You are both the lowest pieces of trash in TX and I will not have either one of you present in my, or my children's, lives. I am having aunt/dad explain the situation to the rest of the family. I cannot tell you not to come to family gatherings, but know if you do, everyone will know you for the whore you are. I refuse to be further wronged and I will not hide in shame, that is on you. Do not contact me or my children ever. Lily
As for the rest of the family, I think I would tell her - you have X time to tell everyone or I will - and you will have ZERO say about when/how it's revealed.
And if within a week or two, it's clear she has NOT come clean about her dirty little secret, then you out her.
First, I am so sorry for your loss. That is heartbreaking. You are a strong woman & made the right decision by ending your marriage. Good for you! As for your aunt.... Fuck her. I think you are under reacting & worrying waaaay too much about how the truth of what SHE did will affect the rest of your family. That's on HER, not you. Hiding it will only make it more painful for you . I'm sorry you are dealing with this, but you need to put yourself & your kids first. Big hugs and lots of strength being sent your way.
Post by cheeseandcrackers on May 2, 2013 8:31:27 GMT -5
I am sorry you have to deal with this, and i'm sorry about your girl
I consider myself a very laid back person, but with that condescending comment she made, I would be ripping her apart(vocally, ha) and probably have caused a scene. So you are very strong.
There is only one solution this.
BURN THEIR HOUSE DOWN.
Ha.
Your ex is gross by the way.. to brag about screwing your aunt ESPECIALLY when you were carrying his child. YUCK.