Thank you all for your concern and encouragement. I truly appreciate it.
They admitted me. I spoke with a therapist and psychiatrist. My meds are being adjusted. I was discharged late afternoon yesterday. They took really good care of me. They gave me a quiet room and meals. I'm hungry but don't really feel like eating. I've been trying to force myself to eat. Hopefully I'll feel better soon. Postpartum hormones suck.
My parents were here (after begging them to come). We were going to go to dinner but I went to l&d instead. My dad isn't the same person. He's coherent and everything but he's just not my dad. Hep c can kiss my ass. I'm probably not going to talk to my sisters for awhile. H came to visit yesterday evening. That was nice. Sorry, I'm kind of all over the place right now.
Any tips on fighting the hormonal mess or just take care of myself?
I wish I had something encouraging to say but I have no experience in the post-partum world. Just know that I am thinking of you and that I hope this all passes quickly.
How I like to take care of myself: Find something completely mindless/trashy to read and get lost in a book for days.
I had some dark postpartum moments, too. I'm so glad you're dealing with it right away. I was already on an AD while pregnant so they were keeping an eye on me but I still went to a few bad places. I know it sounds dumb but try to be mindless, watch tv that doesn't require thought (HGTV and Golden Girls were my go to shows then). Talk to people only if you want. Yes you're a mom and responsible for another person but you are still yourself and you need to heal. Hugs!
Get a much sleep and eat as much as you can. I know it sounds like awful advice for a new mom but your body needs it.
And Lila is right, let your brain go on autopilot for a while. Personally, I watched every season of Ally McBeal.
Let your H help. And talk if you want. I had a buddy from a PP support group I could call any time. It felt so good to talk to someone who had no expectations of me and just wanted to help me feel better.
Post by ProfessorArtNerd on May 2, 2013 6:38:04 GMT -5
You are so strong, you're going to be a great mama. I'm really glad you went in to get yourself right for Tiffany. The really rough parts are going to be over soon- I seem to remember two and a half to three weeks being a nice turning point. You'll still have rough patches and tough days, but it seems like you know how to take care of yourself very well. This sounds condescending, but I'm really proud of you, dude!
I am in awe of your strength and determination through your pregnancy and PP. You are amazing. A couple "ways of thinking" helped me PP: right now is a time of survival mode for you and your baby. Everything else, and I do mean EVERYTHING, can wait. House is dirty? So what. Eating sandwiches off of paper plates? Who cares. No shower today? Fuck that noise.
This part will not last forever believe it or not. So just do whatever you have to do to get through it. Break your day down to sections or hours and plan just to get through each section/hour every day. An elephant is easier to eat one. bite. at. a. time.
As you move out of this phase and into the next, because there WILL BE a next, keep telling yourself that this phase too, shall pass, but commit to doing whatever it is that you have to in order to get through it. Rinse and repeat for the first year.
Hugs to you. Check back with us often because you obviously have a lot of fans here!
On a good note: I'm pumping what I'm told is a lot of milk. I'm really super thankful that I'm not having any supply problems.
Yay! Good Job, mama. I'm so glad that they admitted you to get things stable and give you a break. Being a preemie mom adds a whole extra layer to the hard of having a newborn. I was never able to tell what was due to PP and what was due to having a very small baby after a traumatic birth. I can tell you that I was useless for the whole first week. I mean, in bed crying most of the day useless. Gradually I cried less, then I didn't cry for more of the day than I cried, and eventually I went a whole day without crying. Then, I didn't cry more days of the week than I cried. It took a long time.
You've been through a delayed and drawn out trauma. Your entire focus for the past month(?) has been to keep that sweet baby girl safe inside you to grow. You did an amazing job doing just that- you had a 6lb preemie!!! But, I can only imagine the mindfuck that must be to have your sole focus for the past month over. Now what? Now you have an early baby in the NICU and that is impossibly hard. I hope that the social worker has talked to you about the grieving process of being a preemie mom. I think all first time moms imagine what having their baby will be like. What those last months of pregnancy will be like and what choices they will make about the birth. When you are a preemie mom all of that is taken from you. That is a loss. Yes, you didn't lose your sweet baby girl, but you likely lost everything you imagined entry into motherhood would be. Instead of doing this privately at home, you are on display in a hospital. A hospital with loud alarms and flashing lights and no privacy. It is an incredibly stressful environment. Add PP hormones and family struggles to the mix and it is a wonder that any preemie mom is able to get out of bed.
My best advice is to be kind to yourself, let go of any expectations you had for how this would go and do what you need to do each day to get through it and enjoy Tiffany as much as you can. There is no right or wrong way to do this. It will be hard, but it will get easier. Cry when you need to cry and let yourself grieve when you need to. Take breaks from the NICU when you need them. Therapy is a great idea and something we should have done sooner. H still cries about DD's early arrival most days and has just started counseling. I think it would have been easier on us if we had done it sooner. I'm thinking all sorts of good thoughts for you.
i don't have any advice, other than to give yourself a break. seek help, like you did, from family and professionals if need be. just do whatever needs to be done to get through that day, and worry about global/long term issues later.
you have been very strong through a lot of stuff. you'll eventually get through this.
I am in awe of your strength and determination through your pregnancy and PP. You are amazing. A couple "ways of thinking" helped me PP: right now is a time of survival mode for you and your baby. Everything else, and I do mean EVERYTHING, can wait. House is dirty? So what. Eating sandwiches off of paper plates? Who cares. No shower today? Fuck that noise.
This part will not last forever believe it or not. So just do whatever you have to do to get through it. Break your day down to sections or hours and plan just to get through each section/hour every day. An elephant is easier to eat one. bite. at. a. time.
As you move out of this phase and into the next, because there WILL BE a next, keep telling yourself that this phase too, shall pass, but commit to doing whatever it is that you have to in order to get through it. Rinse and repeat for the first year.
Hugs to you. Check back with us often because you obviously have a lot of fans here!
ETA: paragraphs. They are your friend.
Agree 100000%. Honestly, the first 5-6 weeks are about survival. You do what you have to do to put one foot in front of the other.
I had some really really dark days for the first few weeks - sobbing every night, wanting to give DS back (to who? IDK. I just didn't want him), and telling my H over and over again that I made a mistake, I changed my mind and I was sorry for fucking up our life. It was BAD.
Therapy helped. I should have taken meds, but I didn't.
I'm so glad you're communicating what you need and getting help. One hour at a time, one step at a time. You can do this, Mama Mudslide. We're all here for you.
I am in awe of your strength and determination through your pregnancy and PP. You are amazing. A couple "ways of thinking" helped me PP: right now is a time of survival mode for you and your baby. Everything else, and I do mean EVERYTHING, can wait. House is dirty? So what. Eating sandwiches off of paper plates? Who cares. No shower today? Fuck that noise.
This part will not last forever believe it or not. So just do whatever you have to do to get through it. Break your day down to sections or hours and plan just to get through each section/hour every day. An elephant is easier to eat one. bite. at. a. time.
As you move out of this phase and into the next, because there WILL BE a next, keep telling yourself that this phase too, shall pass, but commit to doing whatever it is that you have to in order to get through it. Rinse and repeat for the first year.
Hugs to you. Check back with us often because you obviously have a lot of fans here!
ETA: paragraphs. They are your friend.
A thousand times, this. It might seem like there is no end in sight, but I promise you, there is. This is not forever.
You are doing exactly what you should by asking for help, and taking care of yourself. You're strong, and are doing a wonderful job.
Post by karmasabiotch on May 2, 2013 9:36:33 GMT -5
Just keep reminding yourself that you will get through this.
Also that you havea large group of people all over the country, and even a few outside of the country that care about you and are here to support you every minute of every day.
PP hormones suck so bad. Big big hugs from me. I really think you are doing a fantastic job taking care of yourself. You have recognized when you needed help and you talked to someone about it. That can be very hard, and very scary, so good on you. Keep doing what you're doing, speak up when you need help, and take as much time for yourself as you can.
You know, I just thought about something else, that was actually the most important thing for me. Don't judge yourself. At all. There is no way things "should be" or you "should feel" about the baby, yourself or anything else. Everyone here has given great advice but a lot of it is time. Hugs.
I'm not home. I haven't been home since 3/31 when my water broke. I'm 3 hours from home and am completely alone. H has to work. I'm at Ronald McDonald house.
H came up yesterday evening and took me to dinner. That was nice.
I'm not home. I haven't been home since 3/31 when my water broke. I'm 3 hours from home and am completely alone. H has to work. I'm at Ronald McDonald house.
H came up yesterday evening and took me to dinner. That was nice.
Everything and anything you can get help with, let them do it. Sleep is ridiculously important right now even though you can't get your mind to slow down for just one second.
You are an INCREDIBLE mother for handling this right away. Seriously. Big smiles, and big encouragement from me.
You have been such a trooper throughout this whole awful, painful pregnancy. Please know that this part is like the head of an enormous boil that has been coming on, and you really will feel so much more yourself in just a few weeks, so hang in there!
My advice as someone w/a horrible pregnancy, premature birth & a daughter in the Special Care Nursery for a while after I went home (OMG! Almost 21 years ago!) :
Be very selfish. You and Baby T are the only 2 people who matter right now. Nothing or anyone else matters.
Try to use the time she is in the NICU to get as much rest as possible. Your body, especially, has been through an incredible trauma for nearly a year; it deserves a LOT if pampering.
Eat good, healthy meals, or smoothies if you absolutely cannot force down a bite. Eat regularly to keep your strength up and your mood up. Carry a bottle of water at all times, and drink it constantly because dehydration makes you feel worse.
Make sure that you're medicated and that you take your meds on time, everyday.
Of course you're going to cry and miss Baby T when you're not with her, miss your H, miss your home, etc. all of that is perfectly normal, and women w/"normal" pregnancies and deliveries go through many of the same feelings. Give yourself permission to be sad, but realize that Tiffany is beautiful, thriving, coming home soon, and will not remember any of this. This is short-term.
Affirmate yourself, you are a FABULOUS mommy!:
Your milk supply sounds FANTASTIC!
Tiffany is healthy and thriving; you were STRONG and PATIENT, and ENDURED so much to get her here!
And (deep breath), lastly, I wanted to punch people in the face when they said this to me, but it was true for my daughter:
NICU babies are so easy to schedule, and seem so laid back and patient. Seriously, DD was the best "behaved" baby of all my 4 children.
Mudslide, just give your self a lot of slack. I wish I had been less hard on myself. Let people help you if you have help. Rest as much as you can. Looking back I wish someone would have told me to sit on my ass and watch all the tv I wanted while the kid stayed on the boob cause that's all he did besides crying.