If I rented, I'd take option a to have a slight improvement to my quality of life while continuing the job search to move to a place where I would be happier. If I owned a home, I would have to take a closer look at the financials.
Sorry you're dealing with this.
ETA: Just saw you own. So I think that I'd try to figure out where you'll come out with putting this house for sale and if you can swing it, then renting for a while in the next town until something better comes along.
Man, are you me?! 2 dogs, 3 cats. I am dreading the day we do end up moving to a better area (read: higher COL), because potential landlords are gonna laaaaaaugh when we come rolling in.
That really sucks. I don't know what I would do then. Probably stay put and wait. I would suggest renting in the second town but since that is not an option...
I just wouldn't want to settle "forever" in a place that makes me unhappy.
H is really hesitant to sell the house, buy a house, then leave again if something came up. Basically, he would not be as open to leaving again, even though he says that he would, now. He changes his mind later.
I was going to say "move"... b/c I think change is good for people. but now that I read this - I'm more inclinded to say "stay put and keep looking"
Are there options to make either the current location or one nearby feel more like home and less stressful?
We can't think of anything, no.
Sorry to hear that. Sounds like the status quo isn't working so I wouldn't stay put. If job options are that limited I would choose A and continue to apply to other jobs. Moving isn't great but being miserable is worse.
I'd probably go A. Maybe a change of scenery will do you some good? Is it financially possible to find a cheap rental, maybe a month to month type deal, that would allows pets to see if you like it without selling the house if you really don't like it?
Although if you go get a kitty condo in Portland, I wouldn't fault you for it. Kitties are awesome. I could bring my two kitties to visit.
Sorry, scotty. Sounds like a sucky deal all around. I wouldn't want to be far away from family/friends, I would imagine it's isolating.
Post by underwaterrhymes on May 2, 2013 12:32:28 GMT -5
Option D. Move to Boston.
I kid. Well, not really since it would be awesome if you lived here, but seriously - can you cast a wider net for H's job? That's what we did. H applied for several jobs all over the country and wound up with three offers.
Boston seemed the most appealing, so that's where we went. It's been incredible, although it was scary at the time taking that leap.
Post by karmasabiotch on May 2, 2013 12:36:14 GMT -5
If you only see one move in your future I wouldn't move to a place that you are aready not felling confident about. Keep looking aggressively but try to find some things that might make you happier now, even if it's just a temporary bandaide.
Is your DH from the state in which you currently live? I'm a little confused as to why he wouldn't be willing to move a 2nd time, even if it's in a relatively short amount of time from a move this year, if he has a job lined up.
You both have decent jobs. I'd spend a lot of time and effort getting resumes out, practicing interviewing, honing skills (maybe getting different certifications or training or whatever at the local jobs offices) and I would not, for any reason, spend thousands and uproot myself over only a marginal if anything increase in happiness, such as moving so you have a pool. Team up on this, work together on this, side by side, as in you BOTH want out, BOTH want better jobs, BOTH sit down and get out resumes and do job searches etc at the same time every week, so it's not just this amorphous 'someday soon' or whatever.
Yeah, I've got that.
H makes a lot more than I do. So much more, in fact, that my job is important, but it seems so much less so when it comes to finding him something. And, like I mentioned, he is trained in a specific field, he is currently very well-compensated to the point where some people would somehow find happiness with that. We could, I think, find a greater of level of happiness with that, if we minimized some stressors, such as me being quite a distance away from him, and us being a very far distance away from our life that we had many years ago. Because of health issues, that have recently blown up in conjunction with stress, we can't bank on me. I feel the weight of that and feel very, very guilty. So, I am trying to do something that allows him to do something that he loves/is good at while trying to find the best case scenario for me, and, truth be told, that will be much harder to find, and may never be possible.
I am leaning towards A, and it's about much more than a pool, really. It's about trying to make this work, at all.
I would do A and try to get a "this will be great and I will be happy" mindset. It may work or it may not but you will be trying!
I'm currently trying to trick myself into not being homesick and that bursting into tears over and mention of home is normal. It really isn't normal.
If you can swing it financially to do the buy/sell thing, A for sure. I've done the "suck it up, make it work in a location you really don't like" routine, and I understand what a stress it can be. Living somewhere more convenient for you both could help a lot, even if it isn't the "ideal" spot at this point. Keep looking for better jobs for him in the meantime, but again, I know how pickings can be slim for a specialized field, so it isn't always as easy as "just move somewhere awesome!"
Small changes to make your life easier can make a big difference, even when other things are far from ideal.
I think you OP doesn't tell ppl how long you've felt this way. It's been at least 7or 8 years or more in your current place? Correct me if I'm wrong. I wish you guys had something where you want to be. Are you thinking of back home near us or another state? Wasnt sure where your closest family was or where you really wanted to be.
I would do A and try to get a "this will be great and I will be happy" mindset. It may work or it may not but you will be trying!
I'm currently trying to trick myself into not being homesick and that bursting into tears over and mention of home is normal. It really isn't normal.
Any time you want to talk, pm me. I am pretty non-judgmental and I understand wanting to make something work. I have literally drained my emotional/spiritual resources trying to do this thing, and my health is suffering.. WHOA IS ME. Don't let that happen to you. Reach out!
I would do A with a twist. Just start looking at that area for a place to rent that takes pets. I've never had cats, but we've been able to rent with dogs before. Even call a rental agency and see what they can help you with. This way, you move to a place that will be good for your mental health and relationship for a while, and then you can keep on looking for the idea job/location.
You don't have to move now, but you can get the ball going and put out feelers and have a professional find a nice place for you and the pets.
Problems move with you. You may never be completely satisfied where ever you end up. That being said, if it would solve any of your problems to be in a new space, do it. You have been thinking about this for years. Go for it.
You've probably already thought of this, but... Look into other towns within a reasonable commute for him too. Who knows what you may find. I grew up in your state, but I'm not sure exactly where you are. Let me know if I can help you brainstorm.
H is really hesitant to sell the house, buy a house, then leave again if something came up. Basically, he would not be as open to leaving again, even though he says that he would, now. He changes his mind later.
Remind him that life is an adventure, it's good to try new things and nothing is ever really permanent. We're constantly changing/evolving whether we want to or not. Taking control of change by making choices, even if later choices undo what was done, is better than being buffeted along.