Back story: my mom and dad never married. I saw my dad for visitation until I was six, when he called and basically said, "my new wife doesn't want me to see you anymore". I have not had any contact with that side of my family since then, with the exception of my grandmother sending me a quilt for my high school graduation.
Fast forward to yesterday: my mom comes over to watch the baby while I go to work. She comes in and says, "I have a confession and a question. I emailed your dad's mom and told her you had a baby. She asked if she could make a quilt for him. Would that be ok?"
I was slightly taken aback. Honestly, I don't harbor any ill will toward my grandmother. In fact, I look back at what I can remember of her fondly. I remember my dad dropping me off there (while he was supposed to be seeing me) and my grandma made cookies with me and decorated.
I feel badly that I pretty much cut her out of my life for something my father did wrong. Age has made me reflect, and I'm more open now, and understand that it wasn't her fault that my dad is a douchebag. So now that this has come up, I think I'd like to open communication. My mom gave me her email address, but I am at a loss for what to say, really. For this first email, I was going to catch her up on my life and marriage, and ask about medical history.
Without getting too deep emotionally, are there any other questions you'd ask? I know I have a sister, but I want to hold off on those kinds of questions at first. Right now, I think of my grandmother as a sweet older lady, but don't feel a grandma connection, if that makes sense, like I did with my grandma on my mom's side.
Post by Captain Serious on May 2, 2013 13:51:59 GMT -5
This is tough. I think what you have so far might be as far as I'd be willing to go in the first e-mail. Maybe try to reestablish a relationship by asking her about her daily life? How has she been? What does she do to keep busy? Would she like to meet you for lunch (if this or something similar is possible and okay with you)? Then, once you've become a bit closer, I'm sure it will feel more natural to delve a little bit deeper into all the other familial issues.
I probably wouldn't ask any questions in my first correspondence.
Instead, I'd take the time to write about myself and tell her things I think she'd like to know.
Then her response will likely include the same.
This. I'd just focus on the issue at hand - she wants to make your baby a quilt. As it sounds like you want to open communication with her, i'd assume the email would basically start off w/ "I heard about your offer. That would be so sweet of you.... blah blah blah". Then, I'd perhaps say something to the effect of "I've thought about you over the years. how are you doing?" and see if she responds in kind and go from there.