Ingrained behavior

[dana2006]

This post is inspired by Papie's thread on the door to door converters. What's holding us back from simply closing the door in some stranger's face without some form of excuse? They really don't warrant any response since they come to the door unsolicited, yet most of us would probably feel strange not saying something. 

We were in Krakow last summer and had the rudest waitress we've ever encountered on our first day. She had a scowl on her face the entire time and treated us with what I could only describe as distain. When I was paying the bill, out of habit I put down a tip. I actually struggled with this one, b/c she was so unpleasant, but I just couldn't override the tipping impulse--it's like hardwired or fully ingrained. Afterwards I was mad at myself for not standing up to rude behavior, but, I just couldn't do it at the moment when the person was nearby.

What behavior do you find hard to override?

[game blouses]

After reading "The Gift of Fear" I had to assess my people-pleasing tendencies. Like, if some random guy in a grocery store parking lot asked me if I needed help with the groceries, my first instinct would be "No, thank you," and giving in if he insisted, rather than "NO, I've got it" and loading my groceries myself.

[StormyDixon]

May 2, 2013 14:24:07 GMT -5 game blouses said:

After reading "The Gift of Fear" I had to assess my people-pleasing tendencies. Like, if some random guy in a grocery store parking lot asked me if I needed help with the groceries, my first instinct would be "No, thank you," and giving in if he insisted, rather than "NO, I've got it" and loading my groceries myself.

I highly recommend all women read that book.

[Deleted]

I just say, "I'm not interested," and shut the goddamn door.

[luckyval]

I say I'm sorry a lot - too much, really. And sometimes in situations where an apology wasn't warranted on either side

I also laugh at inappropriate times to cover up the fact that I didn't hear what the person said. A bad nervous habit.I find myself laughing even when I did actually understand what they said. It's hard to get under control sometimes.

[karmasabiotch]

The Gift of Fear should be a must read for everyone.

[karmasabiotch]

dup

[TrickyBob]

As I've gotten older, I have had to learn to assert myself and be "mean" if I have to be. I'm still overly polite 95% of the time but I'm learning to say "No" and saying it the right way. Like, if someone keeps hounding me, to say no firmly and back up why without being wishy washy about it. Or to say "no, thank you" in situations that call for it.

[lust2hart]

Whenever the doorbell rings unexpectedly, DH and I will try to peek out the window to see who it is without them seeing us so that we can feel free to not answer it. I guess because we didn't want them to know that we were just not answering the door. Finally, one day I was like, "You know what? WHO CARES if they see us peeking out of our window and then we don't answer the door! We shouldn't feel guilty because we don't want to waste our time talking to an uninvited salesperson." But even after having this revelation, it's still a really hard habit to break. I want to get to the point where I openly just look out the window, see that it's a solicitor, and just say, "Nope!" to myself and keep on with my day - and who cares if they see that.

[Deleted]

May 2, 2013 14:27:46 GMT -5 StormyDixon said:

May 2, 2013 14:24:07 GMT -5 game blouses said:

After reading "The Gift of Fear" I had to assess my people-pleasing tendencies. Like, if some random guy in a grocery store parking lot asked me if I needed help with the groceries, my first instinct would be "No, thank you," and giving in if he insisted, rather than "NO, I've got it" and loading my groceries myself.

I highly recommend all women read that book.

This book is definitely a must read. One of my best personal examples after reading was when two creepy guys followed me around the grocery store. Then disappeared while I was checking out, so I didn't mention it to the checker, thinking I was just being paranoid. I mean, it's a grocery store, everyone's basically walking in circles.

I loaded my groceries and was opening my car door when all of a sudden one of them was 4 feet from me and said 'hi'. I didn't see the other one and freaked.

I jumped in my car, slammed the door shut, locked it and gunned it out of there without a word.

[EmilieMadison]

May 2, 2013 14:35:49 GMT -5 toledo said:

May 2, 2013 14:33:31 GMT -5 jjwritergirl said:

"Treat others the way you want to be treated"

This is exactly why I don't show up unsolicited at other people's front doors.

I almost show up at your door at least once a week, uninvited, and without calling ahead. I'm totally going to stop next time I drive by!

But no, seriously, I dont always treat people the way I want to be treated, because some people do things I'd never do.

[Muddled]

If I'm not expecting someone, I do not answer the door. Problem solved.

[EmilieMadison]

Oh, also, I've closed the door on someone who showed up trying to sell something and I just said "No." That was it. I also completely ignore people who talk to me, like those people who try to get you to try lotion or hair straighteners at mall kiosks.

[TrickyBob]

May 2, 2013 14:45:32 GMT -5 Muddled said:

If I'm not expecting someone, I do not answer the door. Problem solved.

I'm here. I NEVER answer my door. The Fedex guy was just here, nope, I let him leave and peek out my window to make sure he is gone. Our UPS man won't even knock anymore, after 2 years, he knows I am not opening that door. 

I only answer the door to those I know are coming over. Everyone else can either call if they need me to let them in or leave whatever they need to at the door. 

[open24hours]

May 2, 2013 14:45:32 GMT -5 Muddled said:

If I'm not expecting someone, I do not answer the door. Problem solved.

Me too. Heck, I don't even pick up the phone if I am not expecting a call.

[TrickyBob]

May 2, 2013 14:46:34 GMT -5 EmilieMadison said:

Oh, also, I've closed the door on someone who showed up trying to sell something and I just said "No." That was it. I also completely ignore people who talk to me, like those people who try to get you to try lotion or hair straighteners at mall kiosks.

YES! I tell my Husband, "look straight ahead and walk, do not pay them attention, they do not exist"

I always feel like an asshole, but I don't want to buy your shit. 

[EmilieMadison]

May 2, 2013 14:46:38 GMT -5 toledo said:

May 2, 2013 14:43:25 GMT -5 EmilieMadison said:

I almost show up at your door at least once a week, uninvited, and without calling ahead. I'm totally going to stop next time I drive by!

There is a permanent Emiliemadison exemption to the GET THE FUCK OFF MY LAWN rule.

(heart)

[rex]

I just say "No thank you." and close the door.

[EmilieMadison]

May 2, 2013 14:49:09 GMT -5 TrickyBob said:

May 2, 2013 14:46:34 GMT -5 EmilieMadison said:

Oh, also, I've closed the door on someone who showed up trying to sell something and I just said "No." That was it. I also completely ignore people who talk to me, like those people who try to get you to try lotion or hair straighteners at mall kiosks.

YES! I tell my Husband, "look straight ahead and walk, do not pay them attention, they do not exist"

I always feel like an asshole, but I don't want to buy your shit. 

I dont even feel like an asshole. But, then again, if I dont feel like standing next to someone in an elevator, I'll let the door close before they get there instead of holding it for them. So I probably am an asshole with no conscience. 

[calledout]

May 2, 2013 14:32:32 GMT -5 luckyval said:

I say I'm sorry a lot - too much, really. And sometimes in situations where an apology wasn't warranted on either side.

Earlier today I brushed up against a large potted palm in my office.  I just automoatically said "Excuse me!"  To the plant.  My receptionist was dying:)

[dana2006]

I've bought some completely useless stuff over the years b/c I have trouble spetulaing off really persistant and boundary-pushing sales people. But I stopped at buying Turkish carpets, even though those salesmen are formidable. FORMIDABLE. I may be polite, but not shelling-out-ten-grand polite. lol.

[elleblue]

May 2, 2013 14:47:52 GMT -5 TrickyBob said:

May 2, 2013 14:45:32 GMT -5 Muddled said:

If I'm not expecting someone, I do not answer the door. Problem solved.

I'm here. I NEVER answer my door. The Fedex guy was just here, nope, I let him leave and peek out my window to make sure he is gone. Our UPS man won't even knock anymore, after 2 years, he knows I am not opening that door. 

I only answer the door to those I know are coming over. Everyone else can either call if they need me to let them in or leave whatever they need to at the door. 

This is me. And I get unreasonably shirty* when I have to answer the door to sign for a delivery. Like the wine we had delivered a couple days ago. Irks me because I was concerned they'd come while I was in the bathroom or something.

*not that I treat the delivery person badly, it just makes me peevish and irritable

[snickers]

I always answer the door politely (when i do answer that is), and I answer the phone politely. HOWEVER, I will not be buying your shit. If you try to force me into buying it, or into your religion, I will get ignorant. ESPECIALLY those damn people who keep calling me saying they are Microsoft and there is something wrong with my computer. You tell them you aren't interested, and they get pushy, so I get bitchy.

[nursewife]

May 2, 2013 16:15:01 GMT -5 snickers said:

I always answer the door politely (when i do answer that is), and I answer the phone politely. HOWEVER, I will not be buying your shit. If you try to force me into buying it, or into your religion, I will get ignorant. ESPECIALLY those damn people who keep calling me saying they are Microsoft and there is something wrong with my computer. You tell them you aren't interested, and they get pushy, so I get bitchy.

I hate the Microsoft scammers. They used to call daily. I lost it on one when they called at 6am.

[snickers]

May 2, 2013 19:37:16 GMT -5 nursewife said:

May 2, 2013 16:15:01 GMT -5 snickers said:

I always answer the door politely (when i do answer that is), and I answer the phone politely. HOWEVER, I will not be buying your shit. If you try to force me into buying it, or into your religion, I will get ignorant. ESPECIALLY those damn people who keep calling me saying they are Microsoft and there is something wrong with my computer. You tell them you aren't interested, and they get pushy, so I get bitchy.

I hate the Microsoft scammers. They used to call daily. I lost it on one when they called at 6am.

One of them once told me he was going to fuck my mom up the ass
I told me mom, she laughed her ass off. They called her like 2 days later, and she yelled at them for saying this to me, lol.