The crankiest toddler on the block

[devotchka]

So I read the Happiest Toddler on the Block this weekend - really liked it, and have been trying to use the methods IRL. Having some trouble - they don't seem to work atm. I am going to try to read some other toddler behavior/discipline books and see if anything else works. The thing I keep feeling like is that he seems like he's not really a baby anymore, so distraction doesn't work, but redirection is very difficult and Harvey Karp's methods aren't really resonating :/ ARgh.

Trying to figure out how else I can deal with his crazy tantrums lately. He will rage for so many reasons, and I am having trouble w/ it and feeling like a total idiot. At least I am able to stay calm and composed, not worried about getting too angry with him - I just feel very frustrated and it really wears me out when he is so ragey all the time (and frankly, I feel bad for not being to do much about it!) The only thing that ever helps is nursing for comfort, but I really only use that "method" when he seems inconsolable and exhausted in general.  

[skiesthelimit]

I'm sorry you are going through this. We are in the same boat. X has a bad temper. We took him to a yard sale this weekend and he fell in love with this little kiddy chair. He started screaming when I picked him up off the chair so we could leave. I felt everyones' eyes staring at me. I was thinking "OMG it begins!!" Last night I was trying to nurse him to sleep like I do every night and he bite me then pushed me away and started laughing. Fun times ahead.... fun times.

[devotchka]

May 6, 2013 13:09:24 GMT -5 skiesthelimit said:

I'm sorry you are going through this. We are in the same boat. X has a bad temper. We took him to a yard sale this weekend and he fell in love with this little kiddy chair. He started screaming when I picked him up off the chair so we could leave. I felt everyones' eyes staring at me. I was thinking "OMG it begins!!" Last night I was trying to nurse him to sleep like I do every night and he bite me then pushed me away and started laughing. Fun times ahead.... fun times.

Oh shit So sorry! M hasn't done that quite yet - he seems to be better when we are out and about (more easily distracted perhaps?) but I'm sure I'll say that and then he will throw a tantrum at Ikea today or something He does stuff like bring me my makeup bag from my purse and demand that I open it so he can go through it (he has been in that phase for a while... maybe not so much a phase) but I didn't want him to so I put it back in my purse and he got it out again, put my hand on it and whined and screamed for me to open it. I tried to redirect and that didn't work. I tried to do the Harvey Karp methods, and it just made it worse. He got so worked up that we had to go upstairs and nurse. In this case he was fairly tired but this happens all day long... argh!

[Deleted]

May 6, 2013 13:13:58 GMT -5 devotchka said:

May 6, 2013 13:09:24 GMT -5 skiesthelimit said:

I'm sorry you are going through this. We are in the same boat. X has a bad temper. We took him to a yard sale this weekend and he fell in love with this little kiddy chair. He started screaming when I picked him up off the chair so we could leave. I felt everyones' eyes staring at me. I was thinking "OMG it begins!!" Last night I was trying to nurse him to sleep like I do every night and he bite me then pushed me away and started laughing. Fun times ahead.... fun times.

Oh shit So sorry! M hasn't done that quite yet - he seems to be better when we are out and about (more easily distracted perhaps?) but I'm sure I'll say that and then he will throw a tantrum at Ikea today or something He does stuff like bring me my makeup bag from my purse and demand that I open it so he can go through it (he has been in that phase for a while... maybe not so much a phase) but I didn't want him to so I put it back in my purse and he got it out again, put my hand on it and whined and screamed for me to open it. I tried to redirect and that didn't work. I tried to do the Harvey Karp methods, and it just made it worse. He got so worked up that we had to go upstairs and nurse. In this case he was fairly tired but this happens all day long... argh!

Have you tried removing the temptation for eyesight. Like in that case take your purse and put it in a closet and shut the door? I've noticed if I take away what Ada wants and remove it from her sight she forgets about it faster.

[devotchka]

May 6, 2013 13:17:15 GMT -5 @lindy said:

May 6, 2013 13:13:58 GMT -5 devotchka said:

Oh shit So sorry! M hasn't done that quite yet - he seems to be better when we are out and about (more easily distracted perhaps?) but I'm sure I'll say that and then he will throw a tantrum at Ikea today or something He does stuff like bring me my makeup bag from my purse and demand that I open it so he can go through it (he has been in that phase for a while... maybe not so much a phase) but I didn't want him to so I put it back in my purse and he got it out again, put my hand on it and whined and screamed for me to open it. I tried to redirect and that didn't work. I tried to do the Harvey Karp methods, and it just made it worse. He got so worked up that we had to go upstairs and nurse. In this case he was fairly tired but this happens all day long... argh!

Have you tried removing the temptation for eyesight. Like in that case take your purse and put it in a closet and shut the door? I've noticed if I take away what Ada wants and remove it from her sight she forgets about it faster.

I have - I do that with my phone and computer but he finds them! LOL. This is the only thing that works - but I can only control my environment so much, you know? We were at a friend's house the other day and it wasn't exactly toddler-proofed. There was a lot that he couldn't really play with so I felt like I would either re-arrange their living room (too awkward) or run around after him trying to get stuff out of his line of sight. It was exhausting. I feel like I need to have a better way of dealing w/ it besides this. Also, since he's walking now it's much easier for him to find random shit that he shouldn't have. I "solved" this a few months ago by basically letting him play w/ almost anything, as long as it wasn't dangerous and I was there to make sure he did it carefully (like letting him play w the makeup bag but while I watched and only gave him certain things like the mirror and clean brushes) but he is even more curious now (and way more demanding), smarter and knows where I hide things! I feel like I need to have a way to be able to take stuff away/not let him play w/ it w/o having total meltdowns, or at least knowing how to deal w/ them. Does that make sense?

[Deleted]

Yeah that all makes sense. I follow Ada around homes we visit taking crap away from her! I do think it is a problem with this age because they don't understand everything we say and they also can't communicate with us so both sides are frustrated. Maybe some MOOK will have some advice or at least say the phase will end someday!

[devotchka]

May 6, 2013 13:24:16 GMT -5 @lindy said:

Yeah that all makes sense. I follow Ada around homes we visit taking crap away from her! I do think it is a problem with this age because they don't understand everything we say and they also can't communicate with us so both sides are frustrated. Maybe some MOOK will have some advice or at least say the phase will end someday!

Thanks That makes me feel better - and yep! That's why I thought the "Happiest toddler" stuff would help. It's basically communicating to them on their level (w/ the "toddler as little caveman/woman" analogy) but he just doesn't seem there yet. That seems more appropriate for 15 months and up from what I've seen. Then again maybe mine is just really stubborn! 

MOOKS come in!

[laurack]

I feel like the age they are at now, at least mine, no "methods" will work. She just doesn't get it/make connections. If she bites my nipple I say NO and remove her. Then her little face scrunches up and she wails and I feel terrible and just give it back. But she doesn't understand.

When she starts in on her tantrum, its usually that I'm holding her and she squirms so I try to put her down and then she does jelly legs so doesn't want to be up OR down basically. If I set her down anyway she will lie down and roll around dramatically screaming. It's really something. BUT it ends quickly.

I've found distraction does work sometimes. Sometimes I can see it's coming and I can distract her by opening the fridge (she loves pulling things out), opening "her drawers", or shoving either the cat or dog in her direction.

I remove the things she wants and can't have out of her line of sight or she just WON'T STOP trying to get it. Also once she has something in her hand it's really hard to get it from her as she has a very strong grip and I don't want to break her fingers... I've found being out and about works well, she does most of her melting down when at home so I'm wondering if it is boredom related.

I'm thinking of starting to read some toddler books soon as well. I figure in about ... 6 months? she might start to "get it"?

[devotchka]

May 6, 2013 13:36:57 GMT -5 laurack said:

I feel like the age they are at now, at least mine, no "methods" will work. She just doesn't get it/make connections. If she bites my nipple I say NO and remove her. Then her little face scrunches up and she wails and I feel terrible and just give it back. But she doesn't understand.

When she starts in on her tantrum, its usually that I'm holding her and she squirms so I try to put her down and then she does jelly legs so doesn't want to be up OR down basically. If I set her down anyway she will lie down and roll around dramatically screaming. It's really something. BUT it ends quickly.

I've found distraction does work sometimes. Sometimes I can see it's coming and I can distract her by opening the fridge (she loves pulling things out), opening "her drawers", or shoving either the cat or dog in her direction.

I remove the things she wants and can't have out of her line of sight or she just WON'T STOP trying to get it. Also once she has something in her hand it's really hard to get it from her as she has a very strong grip and I don't want to break her fingers... I've found being out and about works well, she does most of her melting down when at home so I'm wondering if it is boredom related.

I'm thinking of starting to read some toddler books soon as well. I figure in about ... 6 months? she might start to "get it"?

Sounds like similar stuff! I do need to be better about distraction earlier - that makes sense. I should probably be better about keeping stuff in the house that he can't get into or I will drive myself batty!

[shevacc]

May 6, 2013 13:38:25 GMT -5 devotchka said:

May 6, 2013 13:36:57 GMT -5 laurack said:

I feel like the age they are at now, at least mine, no "methods" will work. She just doesn't get it/make connections. If she bites my nipple I say NO and remove her. Then her little face scrunches up and she wails and I feel terrible and just give it back. But she doesn't understand.

When she starts in on her tantrum, its usually that I'm holding her and she squirms so I try to put her down and then she does jelly legs so doesn't want to be up OR down basically. If I set her down anyway she will lie down and roll around dramatically screaming. It's really something. BUT it ends quickly.

I've found distraction does work sometimes. Sometimes I can see it's coming and I can distract her by opening the fridge (she loves pulling things out), opening "her drawers", or shoving either the cat or dog in her direction.

I remove the things she wants and can't have out of her line of sight or she just WON'T STOP trying to get it. Also once she has something in her hand it's really hard to get it from her as she has a very strong grip and I don't want to break her fingers... I've found being out and about works well, she does most of her melting down when at home so I'm wondering if it is boredom related.

I'm thinking of starting to read some toddler books soon as well. I figure in about ... 6 months? she might start to "get it"?

Sounds like similar stuff! I do need to be better about distraction earlier - that makes sense. I should probably be better about keeping stuff in the house that he can't get into or I will drive myself batty!

I definitely hear you about the wanting stuff she can't have most of all. DH is really bad about leaving stuff around where she can get it. For a short while I just let her play with his stuff, secretly hoping she'd break something. But then I decided being passive-aggressive wasn't exactly productive so I started putting it away.

I'm reading the Toddler Love and Logic book now (it's pretty short) and their suggestion before age 3 is to either move the child or remove the object. Often they use bedroom "timeouts" as a place to move the child to, which I'm not a fan of, especially not at this age. But moving the child to a different room/part of the room, etc. is like redirection on a larger scale, which makes a lot of sense. I've been trying the "remove the object" approach on DH too -- once he notices I've "put away" some of his stuff (mostly electronics), I plan to tell him that I put them away so G wouldn't break them and would be happy to move them to his (put away) spot for them.

[devotchka]

May 6, 2013 14:43:35 GMT -5 shevacc said:

May 6, 2013 13:38:25 GMT -5 devotchka said:

Sounds like similar stuff! I do need to be better about distraction earlier - that makes sense. I should probably be better about keeping stuff in the house that he can't get into or I will drive myself batty!

I definitely hear you about the wanting stuff she can't have most of all. DH is really bad about leaving stuff around where she can get it. For a short while I just let her play with his stuff, secretly hoping she'd break something. But then I decided being passive-aggressive wasn't exactly productive so I started putting it away.

I'm reading the Toddler Love and Logic book now (it's pretty short) and their suggestion before age 3 is to either move the child or remove the object. Often they use bedroom "timeouts" as a place to move the child to, which I'm not a fan of, especially not at this age. But moving the child to a different room/part of the room, etc. is like redirection on a larger scale, which makes a lot of sense. I've been trying the "remove the object" approach on DH too -- once he notices I've "put away" some of his stuff (mostly electronics), I plan to tell him that I put them away so G wouldn't break them and would be happy to move them to his (put away) spot for them.

Yeah, I move him to my room sometimes to read/quiet time/nurse or whatever so he can calm down, chillax a bit and we can reconnect. I guess I've been doing that intuitively all along! I need to be better about the removing the object approach.