How bad a mom am I? Validate me.

[WOT?*]

I have custody of GD1 and GD2 as a CPS placement.  We visit with their mom (my daughter) at least every other week but often it's weekly even for a few hours.  I believe they last saw mom two weeks ago when I drove up (1.5-2 hours each direction) so they could all attend a carnival together; she brought a friend's daughter she was watching and I ended up paying for some rides for her as well.  Plus food for her boyfriend (I am not a fan).  I purchase the food, pay for all gas, etc. for the vast majority (all, unless she takes a bus to the ferry, then I only have to drive 15 miles to the ferry).   I am with the girls 24/7 for the most part.

Ex and his wife try to take the girls one weekend per month so they can see the girls and we can get a break.  They couldn't in April so back in March we made arrangements for this weekend for the girls to go to other grandparents' to celebrate their cousin's birthday (daughter of ex's wife's twin sister and the girls' cousin even if not by blood).  It's the weekend DH and I use as our date weekend since we don't have the girls to consider.  They're generally at other grandparents' house Friday-Sunday but this weekend they were picked up at my house (I generally drive to the ferry and we meet mid-point) this afternoon instead.  I generally take advantage of this weekend for DD2 to visit with the girls at her dad's house so I don't have to deal with the travel or visitation and supervision.  I didn't realize until after we'd made plans that it was also Mother's Day weekend.  But at the time I figured meh, she'll see the girls for Mother's Day at her dad's house.

I got an email a few days ago that they're not going to be at the house this weekend but having the party at Great Wolf Lodge and indoor water park two hours south of us.  DD called last night asking if I was still planning on coming up on Sunday.  I told her that the girls were going to be with cousin and grandparents this weekend.  I thought they'd be on the island and she could visit with them but they aren't.

She wanted me to cancel their visit for the birthday party because it is Mother's Day and she wants to spend it with the kids.  I told her they were going to the birthday party (they're the only ones going so it would otherwise be just cousin and her mom and aunt.  How not fun is that?)  Also, it's been planned for two months.  It's the weekend DH and I have alone together and I'm not cancelling.

Am I a total bitch and lousy mother for not bringing the girls on Sunday for Mother's Day?  (Especially since we're adopting the older and the younger may be terminated against her will which will also put her permanently in our custody so this might be her last as a "legal" mother.  DD2 doesn't have a car or a license since she has multiple tickets for driving without she still has to pay off.)  Or am I a good wife for not driving all the way up to the island on Mother's Day and having a weekend with DH instead?

On that note, off to change into shorts so DH and I can go play.

[sarahbear]

In my book you are a saint for caring for your sweet granddaughters. Your daughter can celebrate with her kids another time.

[statlerwaldorf]

I don't know the back story and I may be out of line by saying this, but IMO she gave up her right of seeing her kids on Mother's Day when she lost custody even if it's not permanent at this exact moment. I wouldn't change your plans.

[fluffaluff]

May 11, 2013 19:43:41 GMT -5 bricco said:

Another vote for good wife, awesome grandma, and a tough-loving mom!

on the app, please forgive

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