Post by Regina Philange on May 16, 2013 12:51:44 GMT -5
My parents were so strict. No drinks at all. My father had a drinking problem though so i am pretty sure that is why my mom was so strict with us. I always had the earliest curfew out of all my friends. So much earlier that it was very embarrassing. Which maybe caused me to rebel a little in high school? I would sneak out all the time and i got into my fair share of trouble. Once my mom came and ripped me out of a party. Yikes.
My H's parents had a "Id rather you do it in the house type of thing."
I want to find a happy medium and i don't really know how to go about it.
eta: i definitely had a more wild phase in high school. When i had my own freedom in college i actually calmed down. I got terrible grades in high school, and in college i had straight A's. It all depends i guess.
My parents let me have wine with special dinners starting around 14. It was in a tiny glass. Like a cordial glass. My parents drink, but I rarely saw then drunk. We will probably do the same. Introduce it at home, model responsible drinking, hope she doesn't act like me in college.
Post by creamsiclechica on May 16, 2013 13:14:35 GMT -5
This will be a constant bone of contention in my marriage. My parents forbid us drinking until 21, but they did drink. I drank way too much in college, but my sister didn't. My brother is currently an alcoholic, and he's the oldest and a train wreck.
Matt started drinking at age 11, that is not an exaggeration. He had no parenting, a shitty home life, and by the time he was 14, he had a full blown drug and alcohol problem. However, he went sober from drugs when he joined the Army, stopped drinking after a few years in, and is the finest example of a person ever today.
He says it's okay if they're at home and supervised for them to be young. I disagree right now. We have bad examples on either side of us. I think maturity and personality have a lot to do with my decision when the time comes.
There will never be a time that I will allow other people's kids alcohol in my presence though. Ever.
I hope to model the good behavior. I'm not exactly sure how I'm going to approach it.
Both of my parents are alcoholics. One is very high functioning, and the other had to quit completely. I remember my mother drunk so many times. One time she was driving me and my three siblings hammered, and giving us the advice "if you're even driving drunk and seeing double, close one eye." My dad tried to pick my sister and I up from a fair to go to his house when he was going through a divorce, he was drunk (he claims he was on sleeping pills), because he was so mad, I would haev gone to make things easier, and my sister said no way, we wouldn't go with him. He was bullshit and left without us. On the way home he rolled his Jeep on the highway. My sister probably saved our lives.
I hated alcohol. I refused to drink it while many of my peers enjoyed it for many years. My freshman year of college my ex-boyfriend went to a different school and I HATED the thought of him drinking. I think it's one of the things that broke us up. After we broke up, I started drinking, heavily. I definitely binged and it got me in some pretty bad spots. I teeter thinking back on some of the nights I've had and wonder if a lot of people have a rough night once in awhile or if I had a problem with alcohol.
Because of my parents I did not have a healthy relationship with it for the longest time. I feel like I do now. I can have one or two drinks, or turn it down all together and be fine, but I always worry about that one night it'll get away from me in the future.
Anyway, I hope to expose my kids to it. Show them that you can enjoy it responsibly, but that it is something to respect and can get you in trouble when you let it control you. I'll probably wait til they're a senior or so in high school, regardless of age.
Omg I have a similar experience of driving in the car with my dad when he was drunk. I didnt know he was drunk at the time, but now i realize just how fucked up the situation is.
seriously though, I have no idea! I think 21 is a bit silly of a legal drinking age because really, who does that. I mean, who goes to college and doesn't drink?! I think it's highly unlikely and therefore would make more sense for it to just be 18
In Ireland it is 18. People drink younger obviously. I started drinking when I was about 15. It was the "done thing". I think its a culture thing though. My parents certainly didn't allow it and we were punished. I was "allowed" loosely to drink at 17. Like a blind eye would be turned at that point if at some family party I had gotten my hands on a drink, not like my mom would actually be handing me beers.
I would hope Matilda (and other kids we may have) would be a responsible teenager. I'd rather not make alcohol some weird taboo thing. I'd rather her drink at home than in some strange place, or risk her drunk driving, my BIGGEST fear. However I don't want other kids in my house drinking for liability reasons and what 16 or 17 year old girl wants to hang around having a glass of wine with their mom and dad.. lol
So I don't know. I'd say we'll be on the loose/euro side of things though.
Letting kids drink at my house will not be allowed. I'm using the same approach my parents had. I know they will probably do it and as long as they can be responsible (if they have had a few to call me as I will pick them up and won't crucify them for it). I will speak with them honestly and hope they can come to me about this stuff like I could go to my parents and be comfortable speaking about drinking, sex, and drugs. My H would be strict like his mom (when he knows damn well kids told not to do shit will do them).
Omg I have a similar experience of driving in the car with my dad when he was drunk. I didnt know he was drunk at the time, but now i realize just how fucked up the situation is.
I'm so sorry. It's really scary to think back on shit like that. You put 100% trust and faith in your parents, ya know? I am such a push over too, I'm sure I would have gone along with it when I was younger even if I had known better just to not piss my parents off. I hope to instill more confidence in my daughter.
I know what you are saying. I hope to put confidence in Louie in situations like that, which i am hoping he will never be in. But yeah, we were too young to know any better but I still shudder thinking back.
My dad has been sober for eight years, and i bet if i brought up that memory he would have no idea what i was talking about.
ETA: I also had to drive him somewhere once and i wasn't even old enough to have my license yet.
I really don't know how we'll handle it. DH and I used to drink a lot, party a lot. We currently have a mini-bar at our place, lol. We lurve our liquor. We haven't had that discussion about drinking and kids yet.
My parents always had alcohol in the house but we knew we weren't allowed to touch it. My dad did let me have a few sips of his beer at times because I liked the taste of Budweiser before I discovered it was water. Even still to this day, my parents aren't big drinkers. I doubt they even have a bottle of wine at their house.
My in-laws are big drinkers. They drink just to drink. There is always a celebration, always champagne (or sparkling wine), always liquor, always something. So we're not sure how they'll handle the drinking around the baby/kids aspect.
I really think so much of it depends on the kid. My sister and I were raised the same way, and she had a wild phase that I never did. And she definitely binge drank in college. She is still more of a binge-drinker than I am, and I am a more regular drinker than she is. I have only been really drunk once, and it was not worth it.
I agree. I'm going to cross that bridge when we come to it and it will largely depend on what kid of person DD is. My parents were/still are social drinkers and pretty much always had nightly cocktails, so we weren't naive growing up. My mother didn't let me drink in the house in HS, but she always waited up for me to come home and I knew the rules were to call her if I was drunk or my designated driver was, and that she would come get me. She didn't play dumb to me drinking occasionally, just always requested I be smart about it and call her- whenever, wherever.
Well, DH and I dont drink. Ever. Not even once. It isn't a religious thing per-say, but we just dont like it. For 1, it tastes awful. So, our children will never see us drink. I would love it if they didn't, but I cant control them after they are 18. And if they do, I hope they are responsible with it. I dont really think by being this way, they'll turn out to be binge drinkers either.
ETA: My parents are both alcoholics, my mom more so than my dad. She drinks about a bottle of wine a night. Every night. I just cant get over what alcohol does to people. I get that you can be responsible, but idk, to me, its stupid. I feel like so many people drink just to 'drink', and it isn't about even appreciating it or enjoying it. I dont have a problem with the way Europeans drink, like I think Trudy meant. With dinner, sips, enjoying the DRINK. I have a problem with the way its generally used. And I really dont want my children doing that. I will do everything in my power to hopefully steer them clear without making them rebel.
Well, DH and I dont drink. Ever. Not even once. It isn't a religious thing per-say, but we just dont like it. For 1, it tastes awful. So, our children will never see us drink. I would love it if they didn't, but I cant control them after they are 18. And if they do, I hope they are responsible with it. I dont really think by being this way, they'll turn out to be binge drinkers either.
ETA: My parents are both alcoholics, my mom more so than my dad. She drinks about a bottle of wine a night. Every night. I just cant get over what alcohol does to people. I get that you can be responsible, but idk, to me, its stupid. I feel like so many people drink just to 'drink', and it isn't about even appreciating it or enjoying it. I dont have a problem with the way Europeans drink, like I think Trudy meant. With dinner, sips, enjoying the DRINK. I have a problem with the way its generally used. And I really dont want my children doing that. I will do everything in my power to hopefully steer them clear without making them rebel.
Binge drinking is a huge problem, even in Europe. And I know first hand where you are coming from about what alcohol can do to a person. I certainly can't fault someone for not choosing to, especially if they have a family history of abuse or alcoholism. I just wanted to point out (which I'm sure you know, but still) that research has indicated that moderate drinking may be healthier than abstaining, so I don't think drinking responsibly is "stupid."
You're right, binge drinking is a problem everywhere. But I feel like they get it right more than we do. And to ME its stupid. Just my opinion. I just can't trust it. And I dont want to give my child the idea that drinking = fun. You can be fun without drinking. I mean, give me an ice water and I am a RIOT! haha..ha..haha..
I'm really wondering how to handle pot now that it will be legal here. I'm very against it being used and would be furious if any of my children used it. I also didn't drink until after I was 21 but my whole family was alcoholics and I didn't want to be like them. Dh's family never drank and he ended up drinking a lot when he was younger. I plan on showing them what it is like to drink responsibly and let them know that drinking or getting high and driving is never okay and to call if they every need a ride.
I'm really wondering how to handle pot now that it will be legal here. I'm very against it being used and would be furious if any of my children used it. I also didn't drink until after I was 21 but my whole family was alcoholics and I didn't want to be like them. Dh's family never drank and he ended up drinking a lot when he was younger. I plan on showing them what it is like to drink responsibly and let them know that drinking or getting high and driving is never okay and to call if they every need a ride.
I really worry about pot too especially since a lot of kids smoke and drive.