S/o alcohol- how will you handle drinking for your kid(s)?

[TrudyCampbell]

Me and my H discuss this all the time and we never know what the answer is. We want to be kind of european about it and let our kids have a glass of wine at dinner when they're 16 or so, but how far do you take it? 

My H's parents were very strict- no alcohol at all until age 21. My H and his sister still drank plenty underage. 

My parents were very lax- they'd rather me and my friends have a few drinks at their house where they could control it. I still drank plenty underage.

I have no idea what I will end up doing. I no longer think letting other people's children drink at your house is a safe idea. 

Let's discuss!

[teamhayes]

Both of our parents were lax about it. My parents didn't care as long as they were there. These days I don't think you can get away with what we did as kids though.

I don't want them to binge when they go to college bc they have freedom but I don't want them to take alcohol consumption lightly either.

I just wish they never drink.

Alcoholism runs in MH's family so I am very scared to open a can of worms early in case it is a gateway drug.

[charlielove]

I won't be handing them a glass of wine before they are 20-21, I'd let them have a sip or something though. I wouldn't feel comfortable knowingly having underage people drinking at my house, that's for sure.

[teamhayes]

i am pretty sure if people are drinking underage in your home now (like not your kids) you get into serious trouble for it. Especially if you bought it.

[TrudyCampbell]

May 16, 2013 11:47:06 GMT -5 charlielove said:

I won't be handing them a glass of wine before they are 20-21, I'd let them have a sip or something though. I wouldn't feel comfortable knowingly having underage people drinking at my house, that's for sure.

I think what gets me confused is that my most of our kids will go off to college at age 18 and binge drink. If that's the case, I think I'd rather that I handed them a glass of wine before that. But I just don't know!

[TrudyCampbell]

May 16, 2013 11:48:23 GMT -5 teamhayes said:

i am pretty sure if people are drinking underage in your home now (like not your kids) you get into serious trouble for it. Especially if you bought it.

I agree. It is very serious now.

[carawestt]

My mom used to let me have a few sips of wine at dinner starting at 17. But only if they were drinking too. My mom was aware that I would drink at friend's houses but I never drove anywhere and was safe, so she never busted me for it. I think if Lincoln wants to share a beer with H when he's 17 or 18, I'm fine with that. I'm pretty AP right now but I see myself becoming very lax once he's older.

[charlielove]

May 16, 2013 11:48:33 GMT -5 TrudyCampbell said:

May 16, 2013 11:47:06 GMT -5 charlielove said:

I won't be handing them a glass of wine before they are 20-21, I'd let them have a sip or something though. I wouldn't feel comfortable knowingly having underage people drinking at my house, that's for sure.

I think what gets me confused is that my most of our kids will go off to college at age 18 and binge drink. If that's the case, I think I'd rather that I handed them a glass of wine before that. But I just don't know!

I know what you mean. I wasn't handed a glass of wine before college (we could have sips though), and I didn't binge drink. So hopefully they won't? I don't know!

[helicase]

Maybe when my kids are in college, I'll allow a drink at home (because you know they'll be drinking at college).

I live in WI and if you are under 21, but with a parent, guardian or spouse of legal drinking age, you can be served.  I don't know how I feel about that, though.

[dixeedeluxe]

I grew up in a house full of beer! But we were not allowed to have any alcohol until we were of age. It was never a problem for me because I was straight edge until I was 23. My middle sister had "normal" high school/college alcohol, but nothing excessive because she didn't want to get in trouble. My little sister was never a big drinker.

So, the rule is no alcohol until you're 21.

[charlielove]

My mom asked my 4 year old sister to take a glass of Jim Beam and coke to my grandmother and she hid in her room and drank the whole damn thing. lol

[EmmieB1025]

I don't have a specific age in mind, but I do agree with TrudyCampbell about drinking in college. Several of both my friends and DH's friends were raised in very strict households, and once they moved away to college they went wild drinking. I think it's important for kids to be exposed to alcohol and to be taught responsibility when it comes to having a few drinks. I also know that there will be major consequences for my kid(s) if they are irresponsible about drinking, lie about it, etc.

[charlielove]

May 16, 2013 11:51:06 GMT -5 @tambcat said:

I just plan to model responsible drinking. I might let her taste my drink when she is older, but I don't know that I will let her have her own glass. My parents were drinkers (and my dad used to offer me sips of his beer, which I always refused b/c it smelled disgusting), but I didn't drink until I was 21. Except for a sip of my mom's wine that I sneaked when I was like 3. Actually, maybe I should give Joanna a sip pretty early to turn her off of the whole thing, because that shit was nast. lol

I definitely won't let her friends drink at my house, even if I had their parents' permission, for liability reasons.

I know my sister and I asked my dad if we could try his beer when we were pretty young, he let us, and we both wanted to die we thought it was so nasty.

[EmmieB1025]

May 16, 2013 11:51:06 GMT -5 @tambcat said:

I just plan to model responsible drinking. I might let her taste my drink when she is older, but I don't know that I will let her have her own glass. My parents were drinkers (and my dad used to offer me sips of his beer, which I always refused b/c it smelled disgusting), but I didn't drink until I was 21. Except for a sip of my mom's wine that I sneaked when I was like 3. Actually, maybe I should give Joanna a sip pretty early to turn her off of the whole thing, because that shit was nast. lol

I definitely won't let her friends drink at my house, even if I had their parents' permission, for liability reasons.

I agree with this 100%.

[Deleted]

We are very European about drinking. I had drinks with my parents starting at about 16 at home. My DHs parents were 100% anti-alcohol and wouldn't even drink in front of him. He went a bit crazy in college with alcohol and I think part of it was he was never exposed to the good part of alcohol, as in the casual drinking with dinner.

Currently we plan on letting Ada have a small drink at the dinner table when she is mature enough (17 or so probably). DH brews and I am sure she will help him brew when she is older too.

I kind of think the drinking age will be 18 or 19 by the time our kiddos are older though. I find it crazy that we allow people to enlist in our military and die for us, but they can't legally have a drink, so it might change someday.

[carawestt]

May 16, 2013 11:53:51 GMT -5 charlielove said:

My mom asked my 4 year old sister to take a glass of Jim Beam and coke to my grandmother and she hid in her room and drank the whole damn thing. lol

Haha OMG!

[TrudyCampbell]

May 16, 2013 11:54:21 GMT -5 EmmieB1025 said:

I don't have a specific age in mind, but I do agree with TrudyCampbell about drinking in college. Several of both my friends and DH's friends were raised in very strict households, and once they moved away to college they went wild drinking. I think it's important for kids to be exposed to alcohol and to be taught responsibility when it comes to having a few drinks. I also know that there will be major consequences for my kid(s) if they are irresponsible about drinking, lie about it, etc.

I agree. My roommate/best friend wasn't allowed to watch tv, eat junk food, and obviously no alcohol. In college she went NUTS. She almost failed out her 1st semester and she gained 15 lbs because she got addicted to a soap opera and drank every night! This is an extreme case, but I want alcohol to be no big deal and not some amazing thing they can't wait to get their paws on.

[oso]

We'll do the European thing. Both my parents (divorced) did and I feel like I have a good attitude toward alcohol. We would let my step daughters have a taste of wine or beer once in awhile, but they have no interest. We're ok with that too. I just worry that they are so good that they may go off the deep end when they get older.

[mumegs]

I won't be strict about it, my parents let us have a beer here and there once we were 18. I want to teach my kids to drink responsibly so they don't go nuts once they get to college.
Although TBH I drank a lot in high school and in college. Although I was still responsible about school and did pretty well. I had some friends' parents that would have parties at their houses and take everyone's keys. I think you would be screwed buying kids alcohol these days.

[dixeedeluxe]

I think kids can get away with a lot of things as long as they are not dumbasses. So, you can be raised in a "scrict household" with fear of getting in trouble and still not be a drinking virgin when you hit 21.

So my plan is to raise non dumbasses.

Here's my UO...I'll be the same way about pot.

[eav2c]

My parents didn't encourage it but knew it was happening and preferred me to drink at their houses vs parties. I think it also depends on Colin (or any other kids) maturity level too. I was the child in the family that could do whatever I wanted and be open about it and I never acted out or got in trouble unlike my brothers who my parents were very strict with. I think there is a happy medium when it comes to this stuff. Kids will explore whether we like it or not and I don't want to be the helicopter parent OR the parent who brushes it under the rug. It is one of those things I will take when we get there but I don't expect my kids to not drink (or have sex, FTM).

[shevacc]

My parents are very lax about alcohol, while modeling responsible drinking and I plan to do the same. I was allowed to taste my parents' drinks pretty much as soon as I asked, so maybe ~6? They only drink beer, wine, and occasionally gin and tonic so I figured all alcohol tasted horrible and only occasionally asked for a sip.

Once we were around 10, we got to have a sip of champagne on New Years and a very tiny glass of wine for Christmas if we wanted it. In high school, they started offering beer or wine with dinner when they were having some (so, almost nightly). My brother started having a beer most nights around age 14, but I hated beer (and still do) so I never did. I would occasionally have a glass of wine.

Neither of us drank in high school, except at home, and while we both partied/got drunk in college we didn't take it to dangerous levels. I plan to be the same way.

A few caveats -- I don't ever plan to offer mixed drinks or anything sugary/easy for a kid to like (Mikes, wine coolers). She'll have to discover those on her own when she's of age. I also will never provide alcohol to anyone else's kid. It's just not worth the risk, IMO.

[jfh]

I'll let my kids have their own small drink with dinner starting pretty young (IDK what age yet). I will not let other kids drink at my house if their parents aren't there. If their parents are there (e.g we have friends over for dinner), I'd probably allow it if they're good friends of ours and have the same policy at their house. I think it's not a straight line between alcohol exposure at home and craziness at college. It can go either way.

ETA: Totally agree with shevacc about not offering ultra sweet mixed drinks and whatnot.

[jfh]

May 16, 2013 11:53:51 GMT -5 charlielove said:

My mom asked my 4 year old sister to take a glass of Jim Beam and coke to my grandmother and she hid in her room and drank the whole damn thing. lol

That. Is. Crazy.

[heyjojo]

Both of our families were very lax about it. The town where we are from is notoriously a teenage wasteland, so if the worst you did was drink some beers in a bush, then you were considered a responsible teenager. I was drinking (in bars no less) and experimenting with weed, cigarettes, lsd and mushrooms by the time I was 14/15 yrs old. I never did anything harder than that,and by the time I was 18 I thought I was over it. I've lost a couple friends to drunk driving, drug overdoses and suicide. A close family friend was killed in a horrific car accident, and we all watched the driver (a young kid with a promising future, who made a very terrible mistake) sit in prison. Alcoholism runs rampant in my bloodlines, and I've only just begun to take those implications seriously. In the years before I had Silas I was struggling with my alcohol addiction to the point where I was absolutely what is called a "functioning alcoholic". Drinking every single day in excess to the point where a drink was needed before I went to work (worked nights)and I drank every night after work. I lost tons of weight, tons of $$ and was quickly spiraling out of control. However in my eyes I was living the life of an independent young woman. I was working hard, and playing hard. I didn't think anything was wrong with me until I started to have emotional breakdowns while I was drunk. I started to feel like I was not myself unless I was drinking. I wasn't funny enough, smart enough, or pretty enough unless I was drinking. Getting pregnant changed my life in so many ways. Being sober was such an eye opening experience, literally! I just could not see through the fog of my addiction before that. Now when I look back, I am shocked at how destructive I was to myself. Today, if you asked me if I was an addict, I would say no. But that is because I AM and I know it, i'm still too afraid to admit it. I rarely drink these days. And if I do its a glass of wine, or mayyybe a cocktail if I'm out for dinner. But i'm not sober, and can't say I am until I quit drinking completely. Like a true addict, i'm still too afraid of who I am without that crutch.
I will be very clear with my children about the dangers of alcohol and addiction. I'm still looking for that balance in my life, and I feel they may experience first hand how it has affected my family as its obvious that certain family members are struggling with it as well.
I most definitely will not allow underage drinking in my home, although I remember we used to drinks 40's on my friends roof while her parents were downstairs reading and watching t.v But you know what, we stayed in the house or ran around the yard. We weren't out on the streets or in cars.
Anyway, I'm rambling. Clearly its a tough subject for me. I want to protect my children from what I've been through.

[Faevantastic]

If you're old enough to serve your country, you're old enough to drink!

The legal drinking age is 19 in Canada and 18 in Quebec. When my friends and I turned 18, we just crossed the bridge to Quebec to drink. Haha! I never drank underaged, just a sip here or there when my parents let me. I plan to do the same. No drinking until they hit the legal drinking age.

[irishsara]

I want to be lax about it, but there is no way that I would be ok with my boys just walking into the house when they are 17 or 18 and cracking open a beer. Kevin remembers sharing a beer with his dad when he was 18 or so. I just don't know. I didn't drink in high school, but I was out of control in college. My parents were lax about it too!

I think it will depend on the child. I see DS1 being mature and responsible. DS2 being out of control, and DS3 being right in the middle.

[Deleted]

Responsible modeling of drinking behavior here.

My parents didn't give us alcohol underage because they were teachers. That wasn't something they could do.

But, my high school sweetheart's parents would serve us a glass of wine when we had nice sit-down family dinners. It taught me how to appreciate the wine/food combination. I appreciated being treated like a mature individual.

Since I'll be a hippy liberal college professor, we will most likely allow an 18 year old child of ours a glass of wine.

And of course, all 6 year olds should have a sip of beer to convince them to stay farrrr away.

[claralou]

My parents occasionally let us have a glass of wine with dinner when we were teenagers. They were big on educating us about what wine went with what types of food, and highly critical of "crappy" drinks (those flavored wine coolers were a big deal at the time). They literally did not care if we chose to drink as long as we swore on our lives that we'd never, ever get into a vehicle when anyone around us had been drinking. They promised to come pick us up, give rides to our friends, etc. anywhere, at any hour of the day or night and that we wouldn't get in trouble. (I actually think our high school sent home forms for them to sign agreeing to this, but regardless, this was their motto.)

It worked. Neither of us drank much (we were never drunk before college), and we actually did call them a few times to pick us up. They held up their end of the deal, and so did we. There just wasn't the incentive to "try getting drunk" - we'd had wine and beer before, and it was NBD, and calling our parents at 2am to pick us up was a PITA, so we really just didn't drink. My friends thought my parents were the coolest.

I think we'll try the same approach.

[thedahliharpa]

May 16, 2013 11:53:51 GMT -5 charlielove said:

My mom asked my 4 year old sister to take a glass of Jim Beam and coke to my grandmother and she hid in her room and drank the whole damn thing. lol

Oh my goodness!