I have no patience for flakes!!!

[devotchka]

Before I was a Mom I was a BIG stickler w/ plans. Sure, shit happens and you can't make it but for the most part I didn't really like playing things by ear. I would make plans and if something happened + I couldn't make it, I would say so. But not wanting to be a flake, I stuck to plans most of the time. California is kind of a flaky place - people don't seem to like to stick to any plans so I always felt like the odd person out. Now that I am a Mama, I think I have more of a tolerance for this, but usually it is when people have decent excuses. I also don't care so much when I am making plans w/ another parent bc kids schedules can be all over the place and obviously it's sometimes hard to make it to places on time or at all!

So last night I asked my friend who just quit her job and is now at home most of the time if she wants to go check out a gym with me. She would get a free pass to work out afterwards, and I might too depending on how M is doing - I told her I would pick her up at 9. She was fine w/ that. The next morning I come downstairs at 8:15 and see that she texted me saying that her gym clothes are all dirty, so how about tomorrow? I asked her if she wanted to get breakfast instead and she was down, and met me there (but of course took forever to get there.) I feel like this is the norm w/ half of my friends - and I often get annoyed about it when they don't have kids. How hard is it to just throw some clothes in the wash when you know you are going to check out a gym the next day? Also she obviously didnt really HAVE to work out (and FWIW I feel like everyone here has 1000 pairs of yoga pants and a tshirt so just throw something on, ffs...)

This wasn't such a big deal but it's just an example of this type of behavior that annoys me. Like I said, I really don't care if a Mom flakes on me for 1000 different reasons, but when it comes to a childless person w/o a job (she is looking and doing random stuff at home but nothing that she has to be occupied with all day), I'm like... wtf? Also, if she had told me the night before that she wasn't interested, it wold have been fine. 

I'm starting to think that the way I should make plans w/ people is like this: say that I am going to so and so place and what time and if they want to meet me there at that time, great. If not, whatever. And not expect them to show up ever...

Yesterday I was supposed to meet a friend at the park at 2 but her kid didn't wake up til 3 so that was fine. Maybe bc I can relate to how difficult it is to predict kids' schedules/moods, etc. I am more understanding. However, sometimes I get annoyed at Moms too - like when I made plans w/ a friend to go to a park and she said her toddler didn't want to go when she woke her up and told her they'er going there, that annoyed me bc I planned my day around it and could have gone somewhere closer.

I know I have no real patience, and although IRL (apparently, I've been told) I come off really laid-back, I'm kind of not. Haha. However, I'm getting better - living here for 25 years has definitely taught me to not get offended when people flake, but I still get annoyed from time to time. Is it just me?

[katfco]

I don't think it's just you. I hate when people are chronicly late or frequently cancel their plans. I think it shows a distinct lack of respect for the other person. Obviously, things come up, but to do it a lot and without apology is really rude.

[devotchka]

May 16, 2013 14:29:29 GMT -5 katfco said:

I don't think it's just you. I hate when people are chronicly late or frequently cancel their plans. I think it shows a distinct lack of respect for the other person. Obviously, things come up, but to do it a lot and without apology is really rude.

Yeah, I feel like if a person is busy, sick or just frazzled and overwhelmed with life, I give them more slack. Esp if they apologize! I think the thing that irritates me the most, and it really feels like a west coast thing but maybe it's all over the country - people who flake every single time and act like it's the normal thing to do. 

Actually, it's even more frustrating when it's a professional relationship. The woman that cleans my Mom's house is a really sweet, awesome lady and does a great job. However, she is so inconsistent and flaky and never apologizes. The last time she showed up an hour and a half late and acted like it was NBD. The time before that, she was an hour late but she couldn't find my house so I just thought it was that... apparently not. When I recommended her to someone and they made plans w her she just didn't show up, and it was awkward bc I thought I was doing her a favor with the referral. She never thanked me for the referral either. So weird...

Overall I try not to freak out about this stuff (obviously writing/talking about it just helps get it out of my system) or let it make me too angry or otherwise my life will turn into a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode...

[devotchka]

Also a friend of mine a few months ago texted me after a year of no contact and wanted to see me before she left the country permanently. She made plans w me for a few days later at a cafe, I brought Max and she didn't show up! She emailed me the next week apologizing and saying was stuck in LA and forgot to get in touch. How hard is it to text someone?

[katfco]

May 16, 2013 14:42:06 GMT -5 devotchka said:

May 16, 2013 14:29:29 GMT -5 katfco said:

I don't think it's just you. I hate when people are chronicly late or frequently cancel their plans. I think it shows a distinct lack of respect for the other person. Obviously, things come up, but to do it a lot and without apology is really rude.

Yeah, I feel like if a person is busy, sick or just frazzled and overwhelmed with life, I give them more slack. Esp if they apologize! I think the thing that irritates me the most, and it really feels like a west coast thing but maybe it's all over the country - people who flake every single time and act like it's the normal thing to do. 

Actually, it's even more frustrating when it's a professional relationship. The woman that cleans my Mom's house is a really sweet, awesome lady and does a great job. However, she is so inconsistent and flaky and never apologizes. The last time she showed up an hour and a half late and acted like it was NBD. The time before that, she was an hour late but she couldn't find my house so I just thought it was that... apparently not. When I recommended her to someone and they made plans w her she just didn't show up, and it was awkward bc I thought I was doing her a favor with the referral. She never thanked me for the referral either. So weird...

Overall I try not to freak out about this stuff (obviously writing/talking about it just helps get it out of my system) or let it make me too angry or otherwise my life will turn into a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode...

Not showing up or showing up late for a job is really unprofessional. I do think, however, that if someone is bothered by it (particularly if they're paying the person), they should say something. Otherwise they would think that behavior is okay.

[devotchka]

May 16, 2013 14:59:32 GMT -5 katfco said:

May 16, 2013 14:42:06 GMT -5 devotchka said:

Yeah, I feel like if a person is busy, sick or just frazzled and overwhelmed with life, I give them more slack. Esp if they apologize! I think the thing that irritates me the most, and it really feels like a west coast thing but maybe it's all over the country - people who flake every single time and act like it's the normal thing to do. 

Actually, it's even more frustrating when it's a professional relationship. The woman that cleans my Mom's house is a really sweet, awesome lady and does a great job. However, she is so inconsistent and flaky and never apologizes. The last time she showed up an hour and a half late and acted like it was NBD. The time before that, she was an hour late but she couldn't find my house so I just thought it was that... apparently not. When I recommended her to someone and they made plans w her she just didn't show up, and it was awkward bc I thought I was doing her a favor with the referral. She never thanked me for the referral either. So weird...

Overall I try not to freak out about this stuff (obviously writing/talking about it just helps get it out of my system) or let it make me too angry or otherwise my life will turn into a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode...

Not showing up or showing up late for a job is really unprofessional. I do think, however, that if someone is bothered by it (particularly if they're paying the person), they should say something. Otherwise they would think that behavior is okay.

True. If I wasn't in a hurry that day I might have said something. The other reason I didn't is bc she works for my Mom and I see her a lot and I don't want it to be awkward! Not sure if I will hire her again... 

[melis74]

I can't stand that crap either. I have a friend that is NOTORIOUS for it, so now it's kindof a joke. If I have plans w/her I just plan on not having them ;-) I can't believe your friend that was leaving the country though, WOW.

[devotchka]

May 16, 2013 15:08:46 GMT -5 melis74 said:

I can't stand that crap either. I have a friend that is NOTORIOUS for it, so now it's kindof a joke. If I have plans w/her I just plan on not having them ;-) I can't believe your friend that was leaving the country though, WOW.

Yeah... that friend is kind of a mess in general though. The hilarious thing is she's usually all over facebook, and we're friends on there, yet she had no idea that Max even exists. When I told her I will bring him so she can meet him she was like "who's max?" lol... She has always been a flake but that made me sad. 

Is your friend who is notorious a close friend? I've found that I just can't be very close w/ people who do this. I have to say, 99% of the time it's women who do this too. Most of my dude friends just stick to plans...
 

[melis74]

May 16, 2013 15:13:52 GMT -5 devotchka said:

May 16, 2013 15:08:46 GMT -5 melis74 said:

I can't stand that crap either. I have a friend that is NOTORIOUS for it, so now it's kindof a joke. If I have plans w/her I just plan on not having them ;-) I can't believe your friend that was leaving the country though, WOW.

Yeah... that friend is kind of a mess in general though. The hilarious thing is she's usually all over facebook, and we're friends on there, yet she had no idea that Max even exists. When I told her I will bring him so she can meet him she was like "who's max?" lol... She has always been a flake but that made me sad. 

Is your friend who is notorious a close friend? I've found that I just can't be very close w/ people who do this. I have to say, 99% of the time it's women who do this too. Most of my dude friends just stick to plans...
 

That would have hurt my feelings too, that's sad. My friend still hasn't met Mia. We used to be close(I threw her baby shower) until the constant cancels, I just got over it. Like you said, now that we're moms, ain't nobody got time for that!