Do your parents still do this? My Mom came over this week to watch DD for me for a couple of hours so I could nap. My house is a complete disaster since I've spent the last 8 weeks either throwing up, on the couch, or going to work/taking care of the kids. My Mom did a wonderful thing and cleaned for me while I slept. I told her thanks and she told me I had to get my shit together.
Fast forward two days when I had to go to urgent care to get fluids. I was too sick to drive myself, so I asked my Mom if she could watch the kids or come with me. She took me and gave me a lecture the whole way there about how I did this to myself and need to get over my morning sickness.
Yesterday, she came over and told me her and my Dad were going to take the kids for the night. She was huffy the whole time, asked how the house got messy again, and left. My Dad came over this morn with DS and helped DH with our bathroom remodel for a bit. When my Mom came, she dropped DD off and left with not so much a word. She just called to tell me something about DD quick and just hung up.
I can barely function right now and don't want to deal with this drama. I know the solution is to not ask for help from her, but I didn't ask her to take the kids overnight.
Good question. He did for about two weeks, but works on his own timeline. Washing dishes is a two day process. He doesn't think of vacuuming more than once a month. I've learned to live with it.
Good question. He did for about two weeks, but works on his own timeline. Washing dishes is a two day process. He doesn't think of vacuuming more than once a month. I've learned to live with it.
Then you should not give a fuck about the guilt trip.
Post by EmilieMadison on May 18, 2013 17:53:30 GMT -5
Tell your mom that the one who needs the lecture is your perfectly able bodied husband. And then tell her to fuck off. And then tell your husband to fuck off. And then take a nap.
But this isn't a guilt trip. Your mom is being mean. I mean get your shit together. sounds like your mom is misplacing her anger. She probably feels your husband should be doing more. Not saying he should.. or isnt' pulling his weight but that is how moms can be.
Next time she offers to help I'd tell her thanks, but it isn't worth being on the receiving end of her anger. She'll either shape up or back off, hopefully.
I can barely function right now and don't want to deal with this drama. I know the solution is to not ask for help from her, but I didn't ask her to take the kids overnight.
You didn't ask but you let her. Tell her if her help comes with lectures and hurtful comments then don't bother.
Post by thinkofthesoldiers on May 18, 2013 18:05:54 GMT -5
Your husband is disgusting and so are you for "learning to live with it." Your mom is probably grossed out that you let the kids live in filth and isn't sure how to address it. Yeah she's being a bitch, but what you are describing isn't the kind of place I'd let my kids visit, let alone live in.
But this isn't a guilt trip. Your mom is being mean. I mean get your shit together. sounds like your mom is misplacing her anger. She probably feels your husband should be doing more. Not saying he should.. or isnt' pulling his weight but that is how moms can be.
I agree with this. My mom's guilt trips are about calling more, not about how shitty of a person I am. I think your mom is just mean.
Your Mom is mean. Did she come from a family where the wife did it all? Is that how her household runs? Is she of the opinion that your Husband gets off completely free because "you're the woman and women carry babies and still take care of their households"?
She can go suck it. And your Husband NEEDS to help you.
I think this really depends on the state of your house. My SIL and BIL are filthy pigs and live in a house they only vacuum once a month and finally we said to her get your shit together. I would not allow my dog in that house, much less a child. I am not saying you are this filthy, but I also wondering how bad it must be for it to get to this point.
Our house isn't that filthy. We have mostly hard wood floors that I sweep daily. When my Mom came, there was a load of dishes that had to be cleaned, a mountain of laundry, and the kids toys were all over the living room. We're in the middle of a complete bathroom remodel and small kitchen remodel, so they have their own messes.
We don't have a film coating our house or anything, just more clutter and the remodel mess.
I think this really depends on the state of your house. My SIL and BIL are filthy pigs and live in a house they only vacuum once a month and finally we said to her get your shit together. I would not allow my dog in that house, much less a child. I am not saying you are this filthy, but I also wondering how bad it must be for it to get to this point.
I'm sorry, but how the fuck exactly, is it your place to tell them to shape up?
I think this really depends on the state of your house. My SIL and BIL are filthy pigs and live in a house they only vacuum once a month and finally we said to her get your shit together. I would not allow my dog in that house, much less a child. I am not saying you are this filthy, but I also wondering how bad it must be for it to get to this point.
^o)
Said to just her? Does he not have any part of it?
And tell me exactly how this conversation went down. The arrogance is amazing. I hope your SIL laughed in your face and told you to fuck off.
I think this really depends on the state of your house. My SIL and BIL are filthy pigs and live in a house they only vacuum once a month and finally we said to her get your shit together. I would not allow my dog in that house, much less a child. I am not saying you are this filthy, but I also wondering how bad it must be for it to get to this point.
Said to just her? Does he not have any part of it?
And tell me exactly how this conversation went down. The arrogance is amazing. I hope your SIL laughed in your face and told you to fuck off.
I think this really depends on the state of your house. My SIL and BIL are filthy pigs and live in a house they only vacuum once a month and finally we said to her get your shit together. I would not allow my dog in that house, much less a child. I am not saying you are this filthy, but I also wondering how bad it must be for it to get to this point.
I'm just trying to imagine the look on my SIL's face if I flat out told her she had a filthy house and needed to get her shit together. (Ftr, it is pretty damn filthy and cluttered, but I don't live there, so I really don't give a rats ass)
op, your mom's anger is indeed misplaced and your H is being a lazy tool.
I get that you needed some help with the kid if you were sick and your H had to work. But the larger issue of the house going to pot when your sick is inexcusable. Your H needs to step up
Oh, and to address the OP... Your H is majorly dropping the ball here. If he is truly that 'inept' at housework, then he needs to hire someone to help you. And until your mom decides to unconditionally help you in this situation, she needs to shove it up her ass be a little more understanding.
When I was feeling like shit in the first tri during my second pregnancy (not anywhere near as sick as you, just feeling God awful) I asked my mom to come and play or take c somewhere. I felt like shit and then guilty that my kid was just left sitting there.
Anyway, my mom told me to stop being a drama queen. I hung up on here. then I called her back and told her that it had been more than 30 years since she was pregnant, so maybe, just maybe, her memory how much the beginning can suck, especially when you have one young child at home with you. She said that I was right and apologized.
I think you need to tell your H that he needs to step up his game, that since you can't get to everything, he needs to and not on his timeline. Then, you need to tell your mom that while you appreciate her help, you will not be taking it if it comes with a negative running commentary on your life, home and kids.
Listen, my husband kicks ass at housework and does more than his fair share but a clean house can go shitty after a weekend with a three year old tornado. I can't imagine if I wasn't contributing at all because I was hugging a toilet and there were two rooms being remodeled. Life happens. If my mom pulled that, I would tell her I wasn't interested in "help" that came with strings and judgement. Then I would go back to not giving a crap about toddler clutter.
Ok guys, regardless of the situation with her H, her Mom is still being an ass! Why make her feel shittier?
Stay on topic, people!
I agree with this. If it doesn't matter to the OP how her husband keeps the house it shouldn't matter to anyone else, us and her mom included. It doesn't sound like it is dangerous just clutter that builds up with four people living in the house. OP don't worry I am still digging out of first tri laundry buildup that I was just too tired to deal with and I am almost 20 weeks.
Your mom is being a bitch and you need to tell her to stfu. When I was having issues with my pregnancy my mom came over and scrubbed my house top to bottom and never once commented on it because she knew we were having a rough time and wanted to help. If your mom isn't capable of that, or at the very least keeping her opinions to herself, I wouldn't let her in your house to be honest. I know that may not be feasible if you need help with your kids but if it is, save your sanity and do it.