Well coupled people always get "so when are you going to get married" if not married yet.
If married they get "when are you going to have children?" Assinine questions seem to abound no matter what your relationship status is. People are idiots sometimes.
I am rude to ALLL these questions. My relationship is no one's business. The baby one-I usually respond with something like "Well, we tried for a while, but it turns out, you can't get pregnant from anal sex!" I have a friend who had a full hysterectomy at 20 due to cancer and people ask her that all the time. They get really awkward when she tells them about it. THAT is why you shouldn't ask such things!
These are both less rude to me, because it seems like genuine curiousity while "why are you single" seems to imply "What is wrong with you to keep you from having a relationship which EVERYONE has to want to be normal, duh!" If someone asked me "Why are you married?" I would stammer and be confused. Because iI chose to be? Do I really need a reason? Rather than a "When are you _____" a "why are you _____" seems to ask for an aexplanation. Why do I have to explain my life choices?
Post by stephreloaded on May 22, 2013 17:07:22 GMT -5
I always get asked the same thing but to be honest I never read anything into it. I might be too naive but I always see it as a compliment. In my case I always get it when I say that my last relationship was my ex, 5 years ago. People usually say it in terms that I am quite the catch and think I have a lot of guys hitting on me (not true)that is hard to believe I am available.
Well coupled people always get "so when are you going to get married" if not married yet.
If married they get "when are you going to have children?" Assinine questions seem to abound no matter what your relationship status is. People are idiots sometimes.
I am rude to ALLL these questions. My relationship is no one's business. The baby one-I usually respond with something like "Well, we tried for a while, but it turns out, you can't get pregnant from anal sex!" I have a friend who had a full hysterectomy at 20 due to cancer and people ask her that all the time. They get really awkward when she tells them about it. THAT is why you shouldn't ask such things!
These are both less rude to me, because it seems like genuine curiousity while "why are you single" seems to imply "What is wrong with you to keep you from having a relationship which EVERYONE has to want to be normal, duh!" If someone asked me "Why are you married?" I would stammer and be confused. Because iI chose to be? Do I really need a reason? Rather than a "When are you _____" a "why are you _____" seems to ask for an aexplanation. Why do I have to explain my life choices?
Well I know plenty of people who just don't want to get married or who are unable to have children so those seem just as rude, or at least inconsiderate.
I think I just always bristle at the single comment because of how it hit home.
Me too haha. I get why it can be viewed as an insult if you want it to be. But eh I choose to believe people aren't out to be insulting and to respond defensively or rudely seems to be unnecessary to me. I just say I know I am awesome and I am happy being single. No guy has ever argued with that.
The truth of the matter is, although all of us on here view singledom as a great thing, alot of people don't. I personally view single as a wonderful phase in life and a great way to live life. I have been most successful during my single days. I loved being single and never viewed it as a failure or bad....but a lot of girls do. Every one of my girlfriends takes it as some personal failure instead and hate that they are still single and wonder why they are and if they meet a single guy they wonder why the guy is still single b/c only failing people are single and something must be wrong. It sucks but that is the mentality alot of people have.
Yes, but why should you have to EXPLAIN why you are single? Should coupled people have to explain why they are coupled? Why is it anyone's business? Why even ASK that? It makes zero sense and seems to think coupled is superior to singled which is just horseshit. So, Guess I am just not a happy and upbeat person. I can live with that.
Who wants to join me at the "rude and defensive" table? I have a lot of snarky one liners I can share! And wine. Rude people need wine!
I've only ever heard it asked in a rhetorical sense...can't say I've ever run across someone expecting an answer!
Add me to the compliment camp. If someone *really* wanted an answer, then it would probably come across as rude.
Yes, but why should you have to EXPLAIN why you are single? Should coupled people have to explain why they are coupled? Why is it anyone's business? Why even ASK that? It makes zero sense and seems to think coupled is superior to singled which is just horseshit. So, Guess I am just not a happy and upbeat person. I can live with that.
Who wants to join me at the "rude and defensive" table? I have a lot of snarky one liners I can share! And wine. Rude people need wine!
I've only ever heard it asked in a rhetorical sense...can't say I've ever run across someone expecting an answer!
Add me to the compliment camp. If someone *really* wanted an answer, then it would probably come across as rude.
I guess I am not complimented by people implying that if you are awesome, then you should be coupled. Can't I be awesome AND single? By choice?
I guess I am not complimented by people implying that if you are awesome, then you should be coupled. Can't I be awesome AND single? By choice?
This is where I'm at. I can see that the intentions aren't always this way - but it's still a crappy thing to say. Single people aren't the only ones to suffer from well intentioned but idiotic comments ... But still they annoy me!
You just GET my bitter, black, underfed, and sleep deprived soul. Plus, you can't eat Gluten, so you won't steal my cupcakes.
Y'all are reading into it way too much. If you're on a date/dating website, it implies you're open to the idea of being coupled up, yes? Just chalk it up to foot-in-mouth disease when a guy realizes he's on a date with a woman out of his league. Or the other way around if JM ever hears it one day.
I just can't picture a scenario where 1) it's meant to elicit an actual answer and 2) where it's implied that the single person is a miserable shrew with innumerable awful qualities. I promise you, it's just shorthand for "your stunning beauty and witty personality must mean that I'm competing with the likes of Bradley Cooper and Joseph Gordon-Levitt for your affections, and yet you've spurned them, so holy hell, how the fuck do I stand a chance?"
In the grand scheme of things to get outraged over, this ranks at or near dead last. Dating is hard enough without clutching pearls over an awkward guy awkwardly flattering you.
I hate that question. I once I had someone on Match ask me that and continued why do you live in 'x' town. It's like Adriana Lima living in 'name if a dump town'.
I live in surbubia and like it. Thanks for the backhanded compliments.
Me too haha. I get why it can be viewed as an insult if you want it to be. But eh I choose to believe people aren't out to be insulting and to respond defensively or rudely seems to be unnecessary to me. I just say I know I am awesome and I am happy being single. No guy has ever argued with that.
The truth of the matter is, although all of us on here view singledom as a great thing, alot of people don't. I personally view single as a wonderful phase in life and a great way to live life. I have been most successful during my single days. I loved being single and never viewed it as a failure or bad....but a lot of girls do. Every one of my girlfriends takes it as some personal failure instead and hate that they are still single and wonder why they are and if they meet a single guy they wonder why the guy is still single b/c only failing people are single and something must be wrong. It sucks but that is the mentality alot of people have.
Yes, but why should you have to EXPLAIN why you are single? Should coupled people have to explain why they are coupled? Why is it anyone's business? Why even ASK that? It makes zero sense and seems to think coupled is superior to singled which is just horseshit. So, Guess I am just not a happy and upbeat person. I can live with that.
Who wants to join me at the "rude and defensive" table? I have a lot of snarky one liners I can share! And wine. Rude people need wine!
I wasn't calling anyone rude, sorry if it came across that way. Just the responses people give to stupid questions are quite snarkier than I ever get if someone isn't being intentionally mean to me. But like I said, I understand people taking it as an insult. In my experience, the question is more trying to say something like "I am so happy to have met you and can't believe I get to date you" versus some bigger perception of single vs. coupled. I've never felt like it was asked as a way of saying something must be wrong with me if I am single or only awesome people are married. But perhaps some guys do ask it in a douchey way, idk.
I feel like I was treated far more crappily as a married person then someone single. I think couples get stupid questions and comments too.
Y'all are reading into it way too much. If you're on a date/dating website, it implies you're open to the idea of being coupled up, yes? Just chalk it up to foot-in-mouth disease when a guy realizes he's on a date with a woman out of his league. Or the other way around if JM ever hears it one day.
I just can't picture a scenario where 1) it's meant to elicit an actual answer and 2) where it's implied that the single person is a miserable shrew with innumerable awful qualities. I promise you, it's just shorthand for "your stunning beauty and witty personality must mean that I'm competing with the likes of Bradley Cooper and Joseph Gordon-Levitt for your affections, and yet you've spurned them, so holy hell, how the fuck do I stand a chance?"
In the grand scheme of things to get outraged over, this ranks at or near dead last. Dating is hard enough without clutching pearls over an awkward guy awkwardly flattering you.
Nope, it annoys me. As does the "when are you having children" and the "You will change your mind" when I say never. It doesn't have to annoy YOU, but it annoys me. I don't like the implication. It's like an extension of smug marrieds. I don't like it.
And plus also-people legitimately say this expecting an answer "I just do not get what is wrong with Julia that she cannot keep a man. Bless her heart. She is so pretty and smart, she must be trying too hard/desperate/her body is covered in scales." Don't. Like.
I've gotten the "Why would anyone divorce you?" question, which is also probably meant as a compliment but is probably one of the rudest things you can say.
Back when I was married my answer to the when are you having babies was always the same. "When they start providing daycare options at the bar." Pretty much shut people up.
Back when I was married my answer to the when are you having babies was always the same. "When they start providing daycare options at the bar." Pretty much shut people up.
Would you like to join my bitter table?
I am way more snarky than one should be to someone who is only trying to be nice!
People just do not appreciate a good anal sex joke.
Back when I was married my answer to the when are you having babies was always the same. "When they start providing daycare options at the bar." Pretty much shut people up.
Would you like to join my bitter table?
I am way more snarky than one should be to someone who is only trying to be nice!
People just do not appreciate a good anal sex joke.
I hate that question. I once I had someone on Match ask me that and continued why do you live in 'x' town. It's like Adriana Lima living in 'name if a dump town'.
I live in surbubia and like it. Thanks for the backhanded compliments.
I got a lot of this when I dated online, comments about where I lived and what "someone like me was doing there". It was an immediate disqualifier. I can make jokes about it, but YOU STFU snob!!
I hate that question. I once I had someone on Match ask me that and continued why do you live in 'x' town. It's like Adriana Lima living in 'name if a dump town'.
I live in surbubia and like it. Thanks for the backhanded compliments.
I got a lot of this when I dated online, comments about where I lived and what "someone like me was doing there". It was an immediate disqualifier. I can make jokes about it, but YOU STFU snob!!
I hate that question. I once I had someone on Match ask me that and continued why do you live in 'x' town. It's like Adriana Lima living in 'name if a dump town'.
I live in surbubia and like it. Thanks for the backhanded compliments.
I got a lot of this when I dated online, comments about where I lived and what "someone like me was doing there". It was an immediate disqualifier. I can make jokes about it, but YOU STFU snob!!
Because you're smarter than us morons who eat ramen and pay out the wazoo for rent!
I got a lot of this when I dated online, comments about where I lived and what "someone like me was doing there". It was an immediate disqualifier. I can make jokes about it, but YOU STFU snob!!
Because you're smarter than us morons who eat ramen and pay out the wazoo for rent!
I would tell them "it's up and coming. My neighbors just don't know that yet". Sniff sniff.
I've gotten the "Why would anyone divorce you?" question, which is also probably meant as a compliment but is probably one of the rudest things you can say.
I got that once! Except it was worded even better. "I can't believe your H left you." I don't think I have ever gone from friendly conversation to angry bitchfest faster.
I get asked constantly if I am married or plan on getting married bc I'm KU. Oh well, sorry its not 1953 anymore and I was actually married once before, thanks. I'm taking my time! I know these people don't mean it as a compliment. I just wish people weren't so pearl clutchy and stuck in Pleasantville.
Having never been married or even in a serious long term relationship I have got this a lot.
During my 20's i used to answer that I had never lived in the same place long enough to meet anyone. Now in my mid 30's that excuse is no longer valid and I wonder it myself...
On the weekend I had a older friend of a friend (who is married with kids) make the genuinely lovely comment of "you'll make some guy a fabulous wife one day" and you know Its true... but so why aren't i yet??