I need to talk about possible depression

[sawyerthedestroyer]

I know I don't put a lot out there about myself, personally, but I'm trying to figure out how normal this is Vs needing to talk to my doctor about it.

Ever since having DS 2 1/2 years ago my emotions have been...different. I cry a lot more easily and it's over stupid stuff. With other threads on here and people admitting to being criers I figured this was just a normal thing and I've been brushing it off. I never spoke to my doctor about PPD because the feelings I was having never struck me as extreme or outside of normal.

We moved to this area not long after DS was born. I left a good job and good friends so H could continue to grow his career in our new location. I didn't have any friends for a long time because I SAH and wasn't getting out. This isn't a very tech-savvy part of the country so there aren't things like meet-up groups. And it's just hard to meet people in a small town when you're an "outsider." I did start taking DS to the library for story time and have become friendly with the other moms and I've made friends with some of H's co-workers and their wives. I'm not really missing out on social interaction anymore, but I am still lonely because I don't feel like I can really open up to any of these people.

For the last six months or so I've been feeling down and tired. When it was cold I just attributed it to winter blues, but now it's spring and the sun is shining and I still have a hard time bringing myself to get out of my pajamas and into the shower. I have a really hard time falling asleep at night, no matter how little sleep I got the night before, and I always seem to sleep poorly. I wake up when DS does and I take care of him and the house and the dogs, but a lot of the time I just feel like I'm going through the motions. I used to get really worked up about things like politics or H forgetting our anniversary, but outside of DS I'm apathetic about most things anymore. I just can't get it up, so to speak.

I could get a part-time job, but H's work schedule doesn't make it easy and the reason he can even work the hours he works is because I SAH and handle the domestic stuff.

I feel like maybe exercise would help, endorphins and all that, but just like getting out of my pajamas, I'm annoyed at the bother to put on gym shorts, socks, shoes, sports bra. It seems like such a hassle and I talk myself out of it every time. I could lose 20 pounds, but I'm not unhappy with my body so that's not much of a motivator to me. I know that exercise would be H's solution if I talked to him about all this because he's become quite the gym rat lately and thinks that exercise fixes everything.

Maybe I am just lazy. I don't know.

I'm sorry turned out to be so long. I guess I just don't know what to do and was hoping that maybe others that are familiar with ADs and all that could chime in? Do I go to my primary physician about this? Am I going to get referred to a therapist or something?

I know I can't dictate what others say on here, but please be gentle, it's really hard for me to put myself out there like this.

ETA: I don't know what's up with this funky formatting. Sorry.

[speckledfrog]

I've also had the "Maybe I'm just lazy" thoughts, too. It was depression for me. Call your regular doc and make an appointment. He/She should also be able to refer you to a therapist (with or without meds). You deserve to feel happy.

[Dezi]

It sounds like depression, not simply being lazy. Call your doctor and make an appointment, you'll be happy that you did. Good luck and I hope you start to feel better soon.

[lilybug]

Talking to your doctor can't hurt.

I have gone through very similar periods of my life - when I moved to small town Iowa with my XH and 7 month old, I could have written your post exactly. For me, the cure was getting a job that I loved. Making close friends, having daily adult interaction, and feeling like each day had a purpose outside of being mommy turned my life around completely.

I pretty much forced XH to adjust his hours so that I could work. I don't know if that is doable with your H's job. Maybe you could volunteer somewhere that would let you bring your son?

[flex]

Based on my own personal experiences it totally sounds like you're depressed. I can safely say anti-d's saved my life. Go to your doctor and talk to him/her about this. You'll be glad you did.

[papie]

It sounds a lot like depression to me. I have been struggling with it since the holidays and have been feeling a lot of the same things you posted. I'm on meds and did some therapy, and I think I need my meds adjusted to a higher doseage, because I am doing better, but not GOOD.

I would talk to your doctor and take it from there.

[anlo]

The apathy you describe sounds like me before I talked to my doctor. It was depression in my case. I would recommend talking to your primary doc and seeing what he/she has to say and going from there. Please know that you can feel better and you don't have to keep going through the motions. Feel free to PM me if you ever want to chat. I've been dealing with depression and anxiety most of my adult life so I can relate. ((hugs))

[Deleted]

Ditto everyone, sounds like depression. The good news is that once you find an AD that works you will start to feel better.

I always thought I was just lazy but I see now that I was depressed. For a long time.

((Hugs)), we are always here to listen/talk to.

[ijack]

May 22, 2013 13:06:00 GMT -5 speckledfrog said:

I've also had the "Maybe I'm just lazy" thoughts, too. It was depression for me. Call your regular doc and make an appointment. He/She should also be able to refer you to a therapist (with or without meds). You deserve to feel happy.

this

[joshlyman]

Yep, sounds like depression. ADs changed my life (therapy helped too). I am on Zoloft but different ones work better for different people so you may need to try a couple - don't be discouraged if one doesn't "fit".

And this made me giggle and cry, so if you haven't already read it I think it is awesome. hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2013/05/depression-part-two.html?m=1

[joshlyman]

Yep, sounds like depression. ADs changed my life (therapy helped too). I am on Zoloft but different ones work better for different people so you may need to try a couple - don't be discouraged if one doesn't "fit".

And this made me giggle and cry, so if you haven't already read it I think it is awesome. hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2013/05/depression-part-two.html?m=1

[open24hours]

It does sound a lot like depression and I would talk to your doctor about it. Whether or not you see a psychiatrist for a medication evaluation can be dependent on your insurance and/or doctor's practice. I switched health insurance recently and my new plan is pro-referral for everything. Before, I had been seeing my regular doc for meds, but I now see a psychiatrist for medication and a psychologist for therapy. But, maybe my regular doc would have sent met to a psychiatrist anyway since the first two meds I tried didn't work.

Depression sucks. It really is a terrible disease. It makes you believe things that are not true. I totally identify with the question of am I depressed or just lazy. I berate myself for being 'lazy' every day when I cannot do everything I had planned. I'm not lazy, it is just the depression telling me I am lazy.

To add to the exercise, it will help, but it is not an immediate fix and it should not be the only 'treatment'. I'm a big proponent of exercise for depression, but as one part of a larger plan.

Go see your doctor. You can work through this.

[scorpion]

Ditto PPs, and please do talk to your doctor about depression. I recognized similar symptoms in myself recently and it took me awhile to get up the nerve and motivation to call someone, but that first step felt huge step (and I've gone to all of one appointment so far, so this is all really new to me).

For me, I felt (feel...) embarrassed that I couldn't control what seem intellectually like small problems (like, everything looks pretty darn great on the outside and why can't I be happy with everything I have). It was hard to admit to myself that I might need some help with this. And it's so okay to need some help. I know you don't know me, but please feel free to PM me, as I've been having really similar symptoms and have only just taken that first (scary) step, so I think I understand where you are right now.

[discogranny]

I just started seeing a therapist last week when I realized that my complete lack of motivation for working out or eating well was ongoing and probably something more than just being lazy. I too felt like I just didn't care much about anything. It was a hard step for me to take but even just one session in I am so glad I did it.

[sawyerthedestroyer]

Thanks everyone. I have to schedule my annual anyway so I will talk to my doctor about it then. It feels good to know that I'm not the only one who has felt this way.

I know I need to talk to my husband about this I'm just finding it hard. Not just because of the exercise thing, but because I'm afraid he might take it to mean I'm not happy with him, which is so not the case.

[hopecounts]

I agree get a check up, this sounds a lot like me when my thyroid levels are messed up, I'm all draggy and have no energy or desire to do much of anything. And pregnancy can cause thyroid problems to show up/become symptomatic.

It's not that I'm sad all the time or really unhappy I'm just Blah and can't get motivated/excited/etc. The upside is it takes nothing more than an adjustment to my thyroid meds and a month or so for my levels to correct and I feel amazing.
The difference always astounds me and its so sudden I just wake up one morning and feel so ready to go/excited/motivated and that's when just how bad I was feeling becomes apparent since its such a gradual shift as the levels get screwed up.

It also could be a Vit. D deficiency or the like so an over the counter supplement while you get checked out may not hurt.

[sawyerthedestroyer]

May 22, 2013 13:31:02 GMT -5 joshlyman said:

Yep, sounds like depression. ADs changed my life (therapy helped too). I am on Zoloft but different ones work better for different people so you may need to try a couple - don't be discouraged if one doesn't "fit".

And this made me giggle and cry, so if you haven't already read it I think it is awesome. hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2013/05/depression-part-two.html?m=1

Thank you for this.

This part really struck me because that really is what it feels like when I burst into tears over nothing: "I call this emotion "crying" and not "sadness" because that's all it really was. Just crying for the sake of crying."

[Yankees21]

This sounds like me a few weeks ago. I was emotional, exhausted all the time (but would get anxious about working out because I was so tired), I noticed I had more anger issues than I did before, etc plus I also was having anxiety. I went and saw who I saw for annual exams because I didn't have another doctor (and she is a family doctor) and she put me on medication. It's been two weeks and I've seen a noticeable difference.

I'm sorry you are struggling with this, but I really recommend getting checked out. Good luck!

[Deleted]

Yes, it sounds like depression.  However, it sounds like situational depression and not depression caused by an imbalance.  I have anxiety and depression, but I feel depressed and anxious when I have absolutely no reason to, so for me I truly believe it's a chemical imbalance.  It's not a bad idea to go see your PCP and ask about antidepressants, but it sounds like you aren't happy with your life, and the long term fix is likely making some life changes and not just taking drugs to help you deal with a life that you aren't happy about.  Maybe think about a part time job and a nanny or sitter, even if childcare would eat up most of what you make.  If it's a fulfilling job, then it's worth it.  Or consider taking a class or learning a new hobby.  Look into mother's morning out programs to give you some regular time each week to do something that you enjoy.  It really sounds like your entire life revolves around your husband and his career and also your son, but it's important that you and your husband also make your needs a priority.