sleep regression is killing me

[laurack]

Hubby and I are back to fighting in the MOTN about the baby and her sleep. I remember this from months ago when we first did Ferber, it just annoyed/annoys me that he seems so much more "ok" with listening to it than me.

I've just been riding the "its just a phase" or "she's in pain!" train but I'm beginning to think maybe not.. She just wakes at the same time each night (about 12.30 - 1am) and cries and cries. We go and pat her, she settles immediately. Remove the hand, instant crying. Pick her up? she snuggles in happily. Put her down? WAILLLLL

I no longer nurse her but she still wants the snuggles. Really she wants to be in bed with us and we've been giving in. We are totally NOT bed sharers and we don't want to be. This needs to stop! But CIO is sooo much harder with an older child.

Last night we decided to let her cry. TWENTY FIVE minutes later she's still going strong and it is not abating. The entire time we are sniping at each other. Finally hubby says he's going to go in and he went and slept in her room with her  (its our spare room so theres a bed). And thats where they were this morning at 630am. The previous night I slept in there but after a couple of hours I was able to transition her back to the crib and leave. I sleep terribly with her in bed with me. Hubby does fine though.

she slept great in bed! No issue. The crying stops immediately as soon as she gets her way so I assume she isn't in pain?

Aaaah.

I think I need to re read some of the ferber book and restart with the proper routine of checks etc.

[eav2c]

I obviously am not much help since at 14 months we are bedsharing and he has never STTN but she doesn't sound like she is in pain since she is waking at the same time every night. Does she go down at the same time every night? Could you push bedtime back 30 minutes and see if it offsets this random wakeup?

Hang in there!

[rubber pants]

DD has been a great sleeper and recently has been up around the same time Matilda is up. I've chalked it up to teething and give her Motrin. It usually puts her right back to sleep.

I hope it gets better for you.

[Deleted]

I have discovered with Ada if she starts waking up at the same time every night for multiple nights, its not pain or hunger. Once I figure it out, I do CIO one night and somehow she stops waking up, you might not get as lucky with it only taking one night but I'm always surprised that is all it takes with her. I have done it 3 times over the last few months with good success. The night I did were horrible, listening to her cry sucks but the next morning she acts like nothing happened.

[mumegs]

We are going through the same thing and I'm just starting to realize it might be something other than teething or sickness, she has been waking up every night around 4-5 AM for the past 2 weeks crying. I am so tired and I have to work in the morning, I just pick her up and bring her in bed and she goes back to sleep for another couple hours until it's time to get up. This morning I woke up with her next to me and barely remembered going to get her. She has always STTN in her crib so it's never been a problem before, I just assumed it was a phase but I'm starting to wonder.

[laurack]

May 30, 2013 10:16:18 GMT -5 eav2c said:

I obviously am not much help since at 14 months we are bedsharing and he has never STTN but she doesn't sound like she is in pain since she is waking at the same time every night. Does she go down at the same time every night? Could you push bedtime back 30 minutes and see if it offsets this random wakeup?

Hang in there!

Her bedtime seems to have moved earlier actually, just more like 8pm the last few days. She gets so tired, she actually brings her changing pad over and lays down on her pjs, then when shes in them she runs off to her "boob chair"! 

Its so hard in the MOTN to be strong because the fastest way back to sleep is with her in the bed, but its a slippery slope. 

One wakeup is not so bad, but if we do manage to get her back to sleep in her crib she wakes several more times as well. So if we take her in the bed, its just the one wakeup and over quickly. But then she's in the bed! ugh.

[laurack]

May 30, 2013 10:27:36 GMT -5 rubber pants said:

DD has been a great sleeper and recently has been up around the same time Matilda is up. I've chalked it up to teething and give her Motrin. It usually puts her right back to sleep.

I hope it gets better for you.

Maybe we'll try the motrin tonight and see. Then I would know it wasn't pain and feel better about the following night doing the CIO... 

[laurack]

May 30, 2013 10:30:42 GMT -5 @lindy said:

I have discovered with Ada if she starts waking up at the same time every night for multiple nights, its not pain or hunger. Once I figure it out, I do CIO one night and somehow she stops waking up, you might not get as lucky with it only taking one night but I'm always surprised that is all it takes with her. I have done it 3 times over the last few months with good success. The night I did were horrible, listening to her cry sucks but the next morning she acts like nothing happened.

how long does the CIO take? I was willing to do it but after 25 long, long minutes with no reduction in intensity I began to feel it wouldn't work.. 

did you do the checks, or no checks?

[mala]

I'm with you on this. I just decided to night wean her because she wouldn't go back to sleep anymore after nursing. We are just doing straight CIO. I go in and hold her for a few minutes when she first wakes up and then I lay her back down and walk away. Two nights now. She cried for more than an hour the first night. Last night was almost an hour. I feel so bad listening to it, but I also know that the end result will be better sleep for all of us.

[Deleted]

Ferber allows for crying for longer than 25 minutes. It is hard, but doable. Also, with the checks, you will need to feel out if it upsets her more or not. With J, going into his room, and allowing him to see me, just riled him up so much it didn't work. We had to stand outside his door, say "shhhhhhh, its night night time, we love you," and then walk away. In the MOTN wakeups, I did not do check ins. Maybe flameful, but he wouldn't settle back down. It only took 5 nights for us. Good luck! Oh, and anytime we have regression, and he needs to CIO a little, the morning brings a happy, rested child to me!

[Deleted]

May 30, 2013 10:34:36 GMT -5 laurack said:

May 30, 2013 10:30:42 GMT -5 @lindy said:

I have discovered with Ada if she starts waking up at the same time every night for multiple nights, its not pain or hunger. Once I figure it out, I do CIO one night and somehow she stops waking up, you might not get as lucky with it only taking one night but I'm always surprised that is all it takes with her. I have done it 3 times over the last few months with good success. The night I did were horrible, listening to her cry sucks but the next morning she acts like nothing happened.

how long does the CIO take? I was willing to do it but after 25 long, long minutes with no reduction in intensity I began to feel it wouldn't work.. 

did you do the checks, or no checks?

She will cry hard for about 20 minutes and then cry every few minutes for maybe 20 after that. I don't do checks with her, I tried that once and it made it worse. I know checks work with a lot of kids though.

[jfh]

I'm so sorry! We're chugging along with our bad sleeper, and I hate the MOTN debates with DH. Last night Kai was up from 1-2am. We've never done extinction CIO and don't plan to, but last night the periodic comforting just wasn't doing it for him. DH went in a few times, then went in with a sippy cup of water. Then I went in and rubbed his back. Finally after an hour I nursed him. I know that's "bad," but after an hour we just felt like, ok, we've tried lots of other things, we'll use our ace card. He wasn't crying that whole time - just sort of moaning and complaining. I'm not sure how to deal with it either. Ferber doesn't really work for us in the MOTN, because he's not full-on crying the whole time - he quiets down and starts up again every 10 minutes or so. So the check-in times don't make sense - if he's in a quiet period at the 5 minute check, we're not going in! Sometimes he goes back to sleep for good on his own, but sometimes he complains until I nurse him. It doesn't help that he's not eating a ton at dinner anymore, so I worry that he's actually hungry. And he was sick last week. And he's teething. Arrrrrrrg.

Sorry, that turned into my own rant.

[laurack]

jfh no problem I think its good we can all rant together about our terrible sleepers and long for a magical sleep baby next time. If my next baby is like this (or worse, like your Kai!) I am going to lose my marbles. Closing up shop in the ute.

Even though I don't nurse in the MOTN any more, occasionally I have done recently. when nothing else works its like... what can I do? I have work in the morning! aaargh. Usually she can be soothed without the boobs now though, 98% of the time.

I would be ok with extinction cio if it lasted like ... 15 minutes. But its too long. I picture the worst scenarios, like she just pooped and she's covered in poop! or just, she's truly in a lot of pain and she NEEDS ME. but then when I give in and get her and she smiles and snuggles in I'm like TRICKED AGAIN! little monster.

[mala]

May 30, 2013 11:15:36 GMT -5 laurack said:

jfh no problem I think its good we can all rant together about our terrible sleepers and long for a magical sleep baby next time. If my next baby is like this (or worse, like your Kai!) I am going to lose my marbles. Closing up shop in the ute.

Even though I don't nurse in the MOTN any more, occasionally I have done recently. when nothing else works its like... what can I do? I have work in the morning! aaargh. Usually she can be soothed without the boobs now though, 98% of the time.

I would be ok with extinction cio if it lasted like ... 15 minutes. But its too long. I picture the worst scenarios, like she just pooped and she's covered in poop! or just, she's truly in a lot of pain and she NEEDS ME. but then when I give in and get her and she smiles and snuggles in I'm like TRICKED AGAIN! little monster.

I totally get this. When B is crying I'm so worried that she needs something. And when she stops crying and actually goes to sleep all I can think of is "oh my god what if she's not asleep and she's actually stopped breathing". And in the morning when she wakes up I always breath a little sigh of relief that she's ok. It's really upsetting, but I just don't know what to do about her sleep anymore.

[laurack]

May 30, 2013 11:18:34 GMT -5 mala said:

May 30, 2013 11:15:36 GMT -5 laurack said:

jfh no problem I think its good we can all rant together about our terrible sleepers and long for a magical sleep baby next time. If my next baby is like this (or worse, like your Kai!) I am going to lose my marbles. Closing up shop in the ute.

Even though I don't nurse in the MOTN any more, occasionally I have done recently. when nothing else works its like... what can I do? I have work in the morning! aaargh. Usually she can be soothed without the boobs now though, 98% of the time.

I would be ok with extinction cio if it lasted like ... 15 minutes. But its too long. I picture the worst scenarios, like she just pooped and she's covered in poop! or just, she's truly in a lot of pain and she NEEDS ME. but then when I give in and get her and she smiles and snuggles in I'm like TRICKED AGAIN! little monster.

I totally get this. When B is crying I'm so worried that she needs something. And when she stops crying and actually goes to sleep all I can think of is "oh my god what if she's not asleep and she's actually stopped breathing". And in the morning when she wakes up I always breath a little sigh of relief that she's ok. It's really upsetting, but I just don't know what to do about her sleep anymore.

YES I also have this fear, that when she stops she is not breathing! aaahhh then if I go in to check she'll start over again

[laurack]

UPDATE: good news! doing the checks worked well last night!

I decided I was going to just go in each five minutes and pat her until she relaxes, but not pick her up, lie down with her in bed or anything like that.

She woke at 11.30 (bit early.. perhaps the heat?) and was easily soothed just with a single patting session.

Then she woke at 3, I went in, patted her, she relaxed and sleepy again, I left she cried. 5 minutes later I went back in, patted for a minute or so, then left. 5 minutes later, again. Then before the next 5 minutes were up it was over! yay. And, she didn't wake again til 630 for her boobies! I am delighted that neither of us slept in bed with her last night. Success.

[creamsiclechica]

I'm so glad you found something that worked for last night! Continuous no sleep is so brutal, man. We are full on bed sharing at this point, because I've just become so worn down by fighting to keep her in the crib anymore. Matt's adjusted really well to it, which was why I didn't want to really do it (his traumatic brain injury can make him sleep erratically), so I guess I can relax a little. She still wakes up 6 or 7 times a night, but in our bed I can soothe her and get her back to sleep faster. In the crib, we were we taking every 45 minutes and it was taking over an hour to get her back, and that's just not sustainable anymore. Or ever really, I was becoming a bitch allllllll the time living like that.

I can't take the crying. I tried one night in desperation, and after 10 minutes, I was crying harder than she was and ready to puke, lol.

I just tell myself it won't be like this forever. My nephews didn't sleep through the night until 18 months and 2 years old, so it's not because I suck. Some kids just don't sttn easy.

[raynes]

Oh this all sounds so much like Owen right now. H and I got into it last night. I'm not "the only one suffering" because I'm so tired and don't like letting Owen cry.

I predict we'll be night weaning soon.

laurack, good to hear that things went well last night!

[laurack]

May 31, 2013 8:02:49 GMT -5 creamsiclechica said:

I'm so glad you found something that worked for last night! Continuous no sleep is so brutal, man. We are full on bed sharing at this point, because I've just become so worn down by fighting to keep her in the crib anymore. Matt's adjusted really well to it, which was why I didn't want to really do it (his traumatic brain injury can make him sleep erratically), so I guess I can relax a little. She still wakes up 6 or 7 times a night, but in our bed I can soothe her and get her back to sleep faster. In the crib, we were we taking every 45 minutes and it was taking over an hour to get her back, and that's just not sustainable anymore. Or ever really, I was becoming a bitch allllllll the time living like that.

I can't take the crying. I tried one night in desperation, and after 10 minutes, I was crying harder than she was and ready to puke, lol.

I just tell myself it won't be like this forever. My nephews didn't sleep through the night until 18 months and 2 years old, so it's not because I suck. Some kids just don't sttn easy.

ugh I just feel so bad for you guys to still be dealing with so many wakeups!

Its good bedsharing is working for you now though, you gotta do what you gotta do! I mean you are caring for two children right now, and you have to take care of yourself too. Whatever gets the most sleep is the best solution.

It is certainly NOT because you suck! We all just have our babies, go along doing what seems right/instinctual, hope they start sleeping as time goes on etc. and a small percentage of children just will not sleep and will not respond well to sleep training either. You were just unlucky in that respect. But in other ways very lucky, to have  her, to have the little boy in your belly. It's so hard to think of the good things when you are so very sleep deprived though. I do hope she settles down soon and of course, she won't sleep terribly forever, it WILL get better! Hey, 18 months isn't that far away. Maybe that will be the magic time

I think you really REALLY deserve for this young fella in your tummy to be one of these amazing sleepers we hear about. Sleeps through the night at 12 weeks. Sleeps 12 hours a night and 3 hours of naps. 

It's only fair!

[katie]

Lillian was up from 2-3, 5 and then 6 for the day. Bed sharing was my go to for MOTN wake ups but it doesn't work anymore. She tries to crawl to the end of the bed and thinks its playtime when she comes to bed with me now. I've resorted to rocking her in the chair and sleeping in her room, on the floor. It's sucking big time. I can't deal with CIO in MOTN. I guess I can try it over the weekend since I don't have to get up for work. She wants me to hold her, rock her back to sleep.