"Boys will be boys" article

[orriskitten]

My friend who works in a daycare shared this: kateelliottsff.tumblr.com/post/51134366578/the-problem-with-boys-will-be-boys

I think it is an interesting read, but I think it might be a leap to make a direct comparison.

Although it does make a very good point about parents teaching their children.

Discuss!

[orriskitten]

I also wanted to share a story that this related to directly for me.

Yesterday we were in the little community playground that is exclusive to our building (don't get excited, its not fancy in any way, just an area that is locked so it isn't swarming with people) playing with the water table that I got for Melody. A neighbor was there with her grandson who is 2.5 years old. She was afraid of what the little boy would do to Melody and warned me to watch and she watched, too. She seemed so scared. He was rather wild. Luckily, the grandma was quick and managed to intercept the little boy as he threw a pretty heavy toy at Melody's face. My heart sank when that happened. All the neighbors who were around laughed and said "he is such a boy!" He also took great joy in pouring water over Melody's head even though grandma told him not to.

Now, I know there are children who have behavior problems and such, but while I was interacting with him, I found it relatively easy to redirect this attention. So instead of pouring it over the baby's head, I showed him a funnel to pour the water into and he was very happy.

I judged the grandma for that kinda fear (she genuinely seemed scared). If you project that to this little boy, then he is going to expect that I feel. He is going to expect to be feared and that makes me sick to my stomach to think of. Maybe its just because Mel is smaller, but what happens when his mom has another baby? At what point is a boy being a boy and at what point is it a problem?

I have such fear of this "boy energy" but I feel like it does come down to parenting and teaching boys that you can play, but must be respectful. I feel like too many people make excuses for kids not being respectful. Do I expect lessons to always sink in? Absolutely not! But I expect parents/grandparents/caregivers/babysitters to at least try.

[Deleted]

I hate when people use that excuse to let their children be jerks. Camden can be a 'boy', but he WILL respect other children. Being a boy doesnt have anything to do with manners.

[katfco]

I think she makes a very good point. It's ingrained in children that boys are aggressive and girls are "nice."

[Deleted]

Thats sad. Maybe the mom is weird about having other people discipline, so the grandma is not only scared of the boy, but scared of the mom so she wont say anything. Thats a sad situation. I will also let anyone discipline my child if they need too. If I missed it, and Camden threw something at a kids head, I wouldnt be ONE bit offended if the other parent said something. Not yell at my child, but said, "Oh no, we dont throw! Why dont you etc etc." I think that teaches Camden that he needs to listen to ALL adults, and not just his parents.

[musiclover]

May 30, 2013 11:18:36 GMT -5 @sprinkles said:

I hate when people use that excuse to let their children be jerks. Camden can be a 'boy', but he WILL respect other children. Being a boy doesnt have anything to do with manners.

This.

[musiclover]

May 30, 2013 11:21:26 GMT -5 @sprinkles said:

Thats sad. Maybe the mom is weird about having other people discipline, so the grandma is not only scared of the boy, but scared of the mom so she wont say anything. Thats a sad situation. I will also let anyone discipline my child if they need too. If I missed it, and Camden threw something at a kids head, I wouldnt be ONE bit offended if the other parent said something. Not yell at my child, but said, "Oh no, we dont throw! Why dont you etc etc." I think that teaches Camden that he needs to listen to ALL adults, and not just his parents.

and this...

[mala]

I don't think it's too much of a leap to go from disrespectful child to abusive adult. I think that so much of what a person is later in life is shaped in these early years, and if you don't teach respect for other people now, you're never going to be able to teach it later in life.

[orriskitten]

May 30, 2013 11:21:26 GMT -5 @sprinkles said:

Thats sad. Maybe the mom is weird about having other people discipline, so the grandma is not only scared of the boy, but scared of the mom so she wont say anything. Thats a sad situation. I will also let anyone discipline my child if they need too. If I missed it, and Camden threw something at a kids head, I wouldnt be ONE bit offended if the other parent said something. Not yell at my child, but said, "Oh no, we dont throw! Why dont you etc etc." I think that teaches Camden that he needs to listen to ALL adults, and not just his parents.

I agree with this. So long as someone doesn't yell at my child, hit my child (this is huge in my dad's family. It was communal hitting by any aunt/uncle with me being the exception. I was also the only well behaved child who was never in trouble) or say nasty things to them, I'm all for people correcting my kid(s).

I felt a little weird intercepting and trying to redirect him, but the grandma didn't seem to mind.

[devonpow]

I agree that "boys will be boys" A) is partly due to social stereotypes and often times unconscious ways we raise our kids (parents typically "play rough" more with boys, talk more to girl babies, etc etc) and B) should never be used as an excuse for bad behavior, but I must say in my 6 years experience thus far there is very much a difference in energy level, interests, attention, and a multitude of other things between boys and girls. The difference in kindergarten this year was stark. Everything from when kids start to read, to behavior during circle time, to playground activities...it's amazing. My friends with girls are dealing with issues that are completely foreign to me as a mom of boys and vice versa

[musiclover]

My BFF's daughter is very close in age to A, and she is much more calm, but man does she have VERY emotional moments quite often. A is hardly ever emotional like that, and never has meltdown tantrums. The differences between boys and girls blows my mind sometimes. BFF has 2 little girls ( one is due in 10 weeks) and I have two boys, it will be so fun to compare notes as they grow.

I am all for people correcting my kids if I can't, as long as they are doing it in an appropriate way.

[greenkitty98]

May 30, 2013 11:19:29 GMT -5 katfco said:

I think she makes a very good point. It's ingrained in children that boys are aggressive and girls are "nice."

My DD must have missed this memo, because she will tackle her big brother and bring him to the ground on a regular basis.

[ashleydl83]

May 31, 2013 1:21:03 GMT -5 greenkitty98 said:

May 30, 2013 11:19:29 GMT -5 katfco said:

I think she makes a very good point. It's ingrained in children that boys are aggressive and girls are "nice."

My DD must have missed this memo, because she will tackle her big brother and bring him to the ground on a regular basis.

Same here. I think DS1 is going to be my calm child and Lexi will be more aggressive like Eli.