S/O Alcoholics (kind of long)

[jfh]

We've become really close with another couple over the last year. They have a son Kai's age, and even without the matching babies, we just love them. Somehow we never noticed that they don't drink. We've been to plenty of social events with them that involved alcohol, but we just never noticed. And our family-on-family time has all been daytime stuff with the kids.

Last week the wife and I had a girl's night out with another friend and we learned that the H is a recovering alcoholic. The W also quit drinking in solidarity and to send a consistent message to their son, which I think is pretty awesome. So I'm struggling to figure out appropriate behavior. It would be weird for us to quit drinking around them entirely (like at social events), because it would be an obvious behavior change from the last year and I think they would feel weird about it. If we have a multi-family dinner party, is it ok to have wine & beer for the other guests? If I'm out to dinner with the W, who is not an alcoholic, is it ok for me to order a drink? We hang out a lot with a third family who does drink, so if we're at the beach or something with our three families, should we all not drink? I know the H would not want us to drastically change our behavior, but I don't want to make things hard on either of them. If it matters, he's been sober for four years.

I would really appreciate any guidance!

[katfco]

Honestly, since she was open with you about it, I'd ask her what they would be most comfortable with.

[Deleted]

We have a few friends who are recovering alcoholics. We never drink around them, even when we go out for dinner. For us it is a respect thing. We dont want to put the temptation in front of them since they have made such a positive decision in their lives.

In my eyes it is like this. I am allergic to seafood. When we go out for dinner, I prefer that our dinner mates dont order seafood. BUT I dont stop them from ordering it either....

[teamhayes]

We have a similar sitution and we don't change our liives we still drink when together but we won't get drunk or really have more than 2 drinks. We make the events not about drinking also.

[teamhayes]

We have a similar sitution and we don't change our lives we still drink when together but we won't get drunk or really have more than 2 drinks. We make the events not about drinking also.

[rubber pants]

We don't change our lives around our friends and family who are alcoholics. It's by their request though. They said they don't expect us to change for them and would feel uncomfortable if we didn't drink.

We don't go crazy, but we so have a drink here and there.

[muppetinma]

I agree that you should just ask them. To change your behavior completely might make the husband self-conscious. It obviously doesn't bother them TOO much because they continue to hang around you in situations where alcohol is present.

[Deleted]

I think because you are just now hearing of this and you have drank in front of them before (and they still hung out with you/never said anything), then go ahead. I would assume at this point that if they weren't comfortable with it, they would bring it up...although thats gotta be awkward. I think as long as you're not getting drunk and 'flaunting' it, its fine. If he was clearly having an issue being around alcohol, they probably would have stopped hanging out with you.

[Deleted]

I think asking them is very polite, though. And if you feel comfortable then ask!

[Regina Philange]

My father is a recovering alcoholic and he actually even buys booze now for social gatherings he hosts. But he is eight years sober.

My one friend just got out of rehab and I don't have a sip or even anything in the house when I am with her. But it's still pretty fresh for her. She doesn't have the willpower yet to be around it.

I agree w maybe asking the wife. Four years is a good amount of time but still.

I think you are very thoughtful and kind for thinking about this and making him feel comfortable.

[laurack]

My uncles is an alcoholic but off it thirty years. He says he is still tempted.

He prefers that people have drinks if they want them, he doesn't mind bar/restaurants but he won't go to social events centered only around drinking.

I would say, ask the wife. It may make them feel weird if you just stop drinking.

[shevacc]

I like the advice to ask the wife for situations like dinner parties/going out to dinner. I would probably still have a drink at someone else's gathering since that's what you've been doing all along before knowing.

[charlielove]

I would probably ask the wife, but I'd assume it's fine to continue drinking around them.