Being bad at sex

[alzi]

watch porn to learn things?

[meggers5]

Definitely it gets better. I used to not be so good. Now I'm awesome.

Have you ever done the whole, tell me what you like, and here are things I like?

[cheeseandcrackers]

how long have you guys been at it?

[Deleted]

Delay cream maybe? Go to a sex shop and look around. I'm sure you'll find something that might entice the both of you to try.

[sake]

I'm sorry. I don't have any advice. I will say that I wouldn't want my husband watching porn to learn things though, b/c they are a little over the top for my liking...

[luckyval]

Improving his overall health will help with some of these problems.

Other than that, I agree with alzi - watch some porn to get ideas. Is he receptive to your suggestions?

[demelza]

Is he quite young still? Or does he take meds that might interfere with sex performance?

[Deleted]

Jun 3, 2013 8:45:38 GMT -5 sake said:

I'm sorry. I don't have any advice. I will say that I wouldn't want my husband watching porn to learn things though, b/c they are a little over the top for my liking...

Not only that but the woman usually doesn't get anything out of it. Except splooge on her face.

[sake]

Jun 3, 2013 8:47:44 GMT -5 @kimberhenry said:

Jun 3, 2013 8:45:38 GMT -5 sake said:

I'm sorry. I don't have any advice. I will say that I wouldn't want my husband watching porn to learn things though, b/c they are a little over the top for my liking...

Not only that but the woman usually doesn't get anything out of it. Except splooge on her face.

yeah, or the expectation of bleached ass holes. lol.

i have bleached assholes on the brain since Jacqueline said something about it yesterday on RHONJ. 

[Deleted]

Our sex life greatly improved when I just said point blank what I wanted. Like, "do abc, ok now do xyz". H likes it because I'm taking charge and I like it because I get exactly what I want.

Beyond that I think there is a certain amount of either you've got the connection or you don't.

Can you talk to him about it?

[Deleted]

It sounds like this has been going on long enough that I'd consider 1.)a checkup with his doctor 2.)a sex therapist.

Just watching porn together could possibly help a little, but I wouldn't count on it really fixing anything.

[hisno1girl]

Instead of using porn, you can get instructional DVDs on sexual technique.

The DVDs are like porn but without the vagina slapping and constant OMG OMG OMG screaming in the background.

[EmilieMadison]

Hm. After 6 years, one would think he would be better at it? Does he seem concerned about it? Have you tried "directing" him? This could be a combination of factors, including simply not understanding what you want and overall health. I'd be worried that a young man often can't finish or gets too physically exhausted to continue. Does he have any health issues?

[Jalapeñomel]

Do you two talk about it?

[papie]

I think a sex therapist could do wonders. You need to communicate to him what you like, an he needs to learn to read cues, etc. I don't think porn helps, because the women in porn just randomly come all the time, lol. Have you tried taking charge? If you lead the whole time, is it good for you?

[Deleted]

Being on anti-anxiety meds can kill your sex drive and cause issues with your sexual function. I think it's time to go to the doctor.

[Jalapeñomel]

Jun 3, 2013 10:31:23 GMT -5 @astrid said:

Jun 3, 2013 10:29:44 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

Do you two talk about it?

Indeed we have.  We started therapy, it got better, now it has gotten not better again.

I am annoyed.

I cannot imagine this would be an easy conversation either.  

Maybe a sex therapist! 

[PeonyParty]

You say it's been difficult off and on since marriage, was everything fine before then? Do you think it's stress from being married or something from around that time that is messing with him still?

[EmilieMadison]

What do you think made it better during therapy? And what do you mean by "better"?

[hopecounts]

he can certainly get better, handle with care though no one likes to hear they aren't good enough in the sack for their partner. So it definitely needs to be a gentle convo

Could he have developed a complex or just be stressed about it since he knows how you feel and has "given up"

[partiallysunny]

I agree that it's probably more psychological than physical. As a person who has an H that is also on anti-anxiety medication and has the same issues from time to time, all I can do is a shoulder you can cry on.

Having sex on a regular basis and lots of random touching, kissing and hugging through out the day (with no sexual motives/pressure) helps us. Also, doing things together that is relaxing, like long walks, playing a game together, or watching a funny movie. All those things make H less nervous = better sex.

If it's an "every time" you have sex sort of thing and nothing is helping, a sex therapist could probably help, but I have no experience with one.