My cousin's wedding was pretty offensive

[jfh]

You guys know I was in Atlanta for a wedding over the weekend. I know that those family members are fundamentalist Christians,  but they're good about not proselytizing to the heathens in the family. So I forget how hardcore they are til things like weddings come around. Seriously, a good chunk of the sermon was basically an anti-gay-marriage missive. It wasn't direct, but the pastor said things like, "in this time when man is trying to redefine marriage, we have to remember that god has already defined it. The scripture tells us that marriage is between a man and a woman." WHY does that need to be part of it? Why is intolerance of gay rights the cornerstone of your ceremony???

The sermon also included a lot of junk about the wife being submissive (e.g. "the woman should serve the man just as the man serves the church"). I don't like that point of view, but if you want to vow that you "promise to do all the tasks assigned to a wife," well, I'm not going to come burn my bra in your face. But how dare you structure the message of your wedding around the idea that certain groups should not have the right that you are at this moment exercising?? What a slap in the face. I mean, we have gay relatives! I don't think they were there, but still. It was a large wedding with at least SOME guests who are not fundamentalist Christians. It really, really bugged me.

And a minor pet peeve...if you can't afford to rent 200 chairs for a dinner reception, don't invite 200 people. Harumph.

[raynes]

At least you got to SEE the wedding. We got B-listed for my cousin's wedding this weekend. People kept asking my other cousin's how the ceremony was, 'cause, y'know, we're family and all. Yeah, no idea, thanks.

But, I do agree with you. That would very much rub me the wrong way.

[skiesthelimit]

Just reading that makes my blood boil. And wtf? Not enough chairs for the dinner? Did people have to eat standing up?

[showdogz]

Oh boy. I was at a wedding where the line about being a submissive wife was read. My husband and I kept making fun of that line for the rest of the ceremony/night...

As well, once I was at a confirmation and the priest/minister (I honestly don't know what the proper term is here) was bashing against the bumper stickers that say "Coexist" using different religious signs, and how not to be tempted by others' gods because they are evil and trying to fool you. It was hard not to walk out at that moment/keep my mouth off the floor.

[laurack]

good lord

tell me there was alcohol though. TELL ME IT WASN'T A DRY WEDDING

[jfh]

skiesthelimit people traded off who got to sit. Since I had Kai with me (that's another story altogether) I was able to sit the whole time. But it was just so awkward...like, at one point the DJ asked everyone to take a seat because the couple was coming in for the first dance. Then a minute later he said, "ok, I didn't realize not everyone has seats, but we still need to clear the dance floor."

When the pastor said, "do you promise to do the tasks assigned to a wife," I had a hard time not whispering, "blow jobs!!" I'm sure my 12-year-old boy cousins would have been amused.

[jfh]

Jun 3, 2013 9:47:05 GMT -5 laurack said:

good lord

tell me there was alcohol though. TELL ME IT WASN'T A DRY WEDDING

Dear god no, I would never have survived if it was dry.

[TrudyCampbell]

The wedding I went to also included something like "god made males and females so that marriage could exist" and it really annoyed me.

[charlielove]

Why would someone want that controversial of a topic to be talked about during their ceremony?! It just seems disrespectful.

Shoot I didn't even let our pastor say "you may kiss the bride", he changed it to "you may kiss each other".

Did Kai end up staying with the babysitter? Or is that a different wedding?

[bebeetmoi]

Yeahhhhh I would NOT have been a hoer camper sitting through that none sense. Glad you made it out alive! And also glad they had the good sense at least to serve you heathens booze!

[rainbowchip]

My sister's wedding had something similar in it. She had no idea what the sermon was going to be. It was sort of the priest's rant that happened to be in the middle of her wedding.

I actually turned to the bridesmaid next to me and said, "he did not just go there.". She said, "yeah, he did." She is even religious and thought it was out of line.

[jfh]

Jun 3, 2013 9:54:25 GMT -5 charlielove said:

Did Kai end up staying with the babysitter? Or is that a different wedding?

He stayed with the babysitter for the ceremony, then we picked him up for photos and I just kept him after that. The babysitter was about 13 and there was no pack-n-play (we had one at the hotel, but we didn't bring it because my cousin said the babysitter would set one up for us). Since we didn't have a place to put him (not to mention that I wasn't going to let a 13-year-old stranger put my baby to bed  (huh)) we just left around 9. 

Whiiiiiiiich was ok by me. I'm sure they were perfectly fine curtailing the rights of others without us.

[Deleted]

We found a preacher online who was southern baptist i was a little nervous about having him but when we met him before the wedding he was like a wedding is not the time for preaching. He was also cheap and did everything how we wanted

[rxbeth]

The priest at my brothers wedding went off on a gay marriage tirade 10 years back (around when we started to allow gay marriage). My brother had no idea he was going to do that.

[monkeybabe]

Uh wow. My sister's rehearsal was the place for all the submissive garbage. Myself and one of the other bridesmaids made eye contact and there was major eye rolling to be had. I'm glad there wasn't any gay bashing.

[laurack]

I have no idea what the priest said at my wedding. I don't remember even listening to what he was saying so I sure hope it wasn't crazy stuff! but I guess someone would have said something afterwards. unless NOBODY was listening. ha

[marissa]

Sorry to but in...at my sister's wedding the priest went off about slavery. My sister's husband is African American. We were all pissed! This was 5 years ago.

[monkeybabe]

Jun 3, 2013 10:35:45 GMT -5 marissa said:

Sorry to but in...at my sister's wedding the priest went off about slavery. My sister's husband is African American. We were all pissed! This was 5 years ago.

hoooooolyyyyy shiiiiiiit

[jfh]

Jun 3, 2013 10:35:45 GMT -5 marissa said:

Sorry to but in...at my sister's wedding the priest went off about slavery. My sister's husband is African American. We were all pissed! This was 5 years ago.

That is just insane. WTH??

[heyjojo]

Oh jeebus, that sounded like a good time! I can't get over that there weren't enough chairs! Ridiculous!
Over the weekend there was a table at my job that was talking about "blacks and gays" pretty much through their dinner. I couldn't quite make out what the whole topic of discussion was. Older women, I think they were teachers too.
How do you just sit around and talk about "blacks and gays" while you eat?! Some people....

[SteelCity44]

At my wedding, we offended the devout Catholics on both sides of the family because we weren't having a Catholic ceremony. I'm not Catholic and never will be. We did have a Christian wedding, and the entire thing was scripted out between ourselves and the Internet pastor that we hired (mostly stollen from the wedding described in one of Robert Fulghum's books).

While I understand how offensive that sermon was, if that was what the couple strongly believed in, then I think it's perfectly find for it to be said at THEIR wedding. If they believe that their marriage is more holy than that of a gay marriage and feel it necessary to share that belief with the world, then so be it. It doesn't sound like it surprised you that they felt that way, but rather that their ceremony was built around that fact. It must mean a lot to them that they're doing it the "right" way. I've been to many ceremonies that have pushed issues. I'm not sure why some issues are more delicate to discuss than others. Definitely NMS, but I can appreciate what others might feel is necessary.

[jfh]

SteelCity44 my cousin's wedding has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not same sex couples can legally marry. Nothing. So the pastor was just using the opportunity to advocate for discrimination. I do not think that is acceptable. Would you feel it was OK if he said that races are meant to marry only each other, and my cousin's marriage should be celebrated because it's between two white people? Of course not. They have bigoted views - yes, I know that - but I don't think that a wedding ceremony is the place to spread that message.

[SteelCity44]

Jun 3, 2013 11:12:06 GMT -5 jfh said:

SteelCity44 my cousin's wedding has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not same sex couples can legally marry. Nothing. So the pastor was just using the opportunity to advocate for discrimination. I do not think that is acceptable. Would you feel it was OK if he said that races are meant to marry only each other, and my cousin's marriage should be celebrated because it's between two white people? Of course not. They have bigoted views - yes, I know that - but I don't think that a wedding ceremony is the place to spread that message.

Blerg. My post was eaten.

I wouldn't think it was "OK" if he said anything I disagreed with, but I would understand that his beliefs are not my own. I think any religious ceremony has an opportunity to offend. Tactful people will avoid major issues. But some believe that it will be their opportunity to spread the "Word" to some people that may never have a chance to hear it again.

You do know that I'm just trying to add controversy to an otherwise (suddenly) over-accepting board, right?

[Deleted]

I get so fucking ragey about women submitting. Slap my ass and call me Sally. First of all, "submit" is one of like 20 possible translations of that word. Second, it says for husbands to submit to their wives too!

That combined with gay marriage bashing would have required me being a drunken fool!

@steelcity I am with you on the submission shit. If they feel strongly about that then fine. It is their marriage. It will however, cause me to roll my eyes, make snide comments and be drunk.

I don't get bringing in comments about gay marriage. Scripture doesn't set up heterosexual marriage as opposed to homosexual marriage.

[jfh]

Jun 3, 2013 11:20:21 GMT -5 SteelCity44 said:

Jun 3, 2013 11:12:06 GMT -5 jfh said:

SteelCity44 my cousin's wedding has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not same sex couples can legally marry. Nothing. So the pastor was just using the opportunity to advocate for discrimination. I do not think that is acceptable. Would you feel it was OK if he said that races are meant to marry only each other, and my cousin's marriage should be celebrated because it's between two white people? Of course not. They have bigoted views - yes, I know that - but I don't think that a wedding ceremony is the place to spread that message.

Blerg. My post was eaten.

I wouldn't think it was "OK" if he said anything I disagreed with, but I would understand that his beliefs are not my own. I think any religious ceremony has an opportunity to offend. Tactful people will avoid major issues. But some believe that it will be their opportunity to spread the "Word" to some people that may never have a chance to hear it again.

You do know that I'm just trying to add controversy to an otherwise (suddenly) over-accepting board, right?

But it's more than just this (the bolded). He said plenty that I disagreed with, e.g. the stuff about the wife being submissive. I mean, every other sentence was talking about being saved and blah blah blah. I disagreed with every last word of it, but I just eye-rolled and let it go. The gay marriage stuff is not just about offering your personal views on marriage as a whole - it's specifically about excluding certain people from the rights afforded to everyone else. It affects others. It affects non-Christians, and Christian gay people. A wedding should be about the couple getting married, not about discriminating against others. 

[CrazyLucky]

Jun 3, 2013 9:44:08 GMT -5 showdogz said:

Oh boy. I was at a wedding where the line about being a submissive wife was read. My husband and I kept making fun of that line for the rest of the ceremony/night...

As well, once I was at a confirmation and the priest/minister (I honestly don't know what the proper term is here) was bashing against the bumper stickers that say "Coexist" using different religious signs, and how not to be tempted by others' gods because they are evil and trying to fool you. It was hard not to walk out at that moment/keep my mouth off the floor.

My pastor has this very bumper sticker!

[bigapple]

I would have been ragey. To be fair, we did some preaching at our wedding by taking one of our readings from the MA Supreme Court decision that legalized gay marriage in that state. We're both lawyers and many of our friends are lawyers and/or gay, so there were cheers when the source of the reading was announced. Many guests didn't catch it though and thought it was just a nice reading about what marriage means.

[Deleted]

It sounds like this pastor, and/or couple, tried to take the opportunity of a wedding to try to save all your heathen souls! Completely uncalled for, but knowing certain groups of people I don't find it at all surprising. Unfortunately, what I don't think they realize is by doing stuff like that they actually make it less likely non-practicing Christians, or non religious people, would ever go to a church.