I am so sorry you have to deal with that. Ugh. Just ugh. At least you, H, and the rest of the family are on the same page. Can DH talk to his dad about it and make sure she doesn't have a brain tumor or something?
Well, H's dad is kind of legit off his rocker, so he wouldn't be the best character reference.
She started smoking a few weeks ago because my FIL is having severe depression, and it irritated her that he's getting all this attention for being depressed, so she took up smoking (which FIL HATES. HATES. HATES. HATES.) because she's annoyed with him being whiny. Her words.
Oh my word. If someone smoked around my baby, I would get all kinds of angry.
I used to make my mom change her clothes before she held DS when she still smoked. I almost asked her to shower but I realized that might seem to be a little overboard.
Oh my word. If someone smoked around my baby, I would get all kinds of angry.
See, she won't smoke next to my SIL's baby when it gets here. H's sister just recently found it she's pregnant. Really, the crazy is only directed at me.
These things are only issues with my baby. Because I'm high maintenance.
Oh my word. If someone smoked around my baby, I would get all kinds of angry.
See, she won't smoke next to my SIL's baby when it gets here. H's sister just recently found it she's pregnant. Really, the crazy is only directed at me.
These things are only issues with my baby. Because I'm high maintenance.
She needs to get over herself, and her ridiculous issues. Grow up old lady, the baby is more important than you are, get over it.
I am so sorry you have to deal with that. Ugh. Just ugh. At least you, H, and the rest of the family are on the same page. Can DH talk to his dad about it and make sure she doesn't have a brain tumor or something?
Well, H's dad is kind of legit off his rocker, so he wouldn't be the best character reference.
She started smoking a few weeks ago because my FIL is having severe depression, and it irritated her that he's getting all this attention for being depressed, so she took up smoking (which FIL HATES. HATES. HATES. HATES.) because she's annoyed with him being whiny. Her words.
FFS, someone just put that bitch out of her misery.
nutters that one... oh dear. I want more pics of the nursery!! I want to get a couple more things for baby K's room!
Oh! I forgot to PM you! I got that alphabet print you sent me from zulily, it's so cute in person! I'll have to send you a PIP when I finally get my lazy butt to Ikea for a frame.
I just wanted to let you know I have a MIL that is super selfish and nutty. I feel your pain and I am giving you virtual hair pats. Is you DH at least on the same page that she is off her rocker?
Oh my god. What did your H say? Did he ream her out? Does it matter if he did/would? Or is she just so crazy it wouldn't matter?
What an asshole. For real, I would RAGE.
That's what we used to do in the past, but it only made things worse, not better. I think she really tries to get a reaction out of us, so the more we act indifferent, the more irritated she gets and the quicker things shut down. It's pretty funny, actually. I think she really wants there to be a drama so she can then justify acting even more outrageous, and the less we react to her, the better. We don't placate her, though.
I think I'm just being more sensitive about it because it involves my kid indirectly in this situation. Normally she just makes me roll my eyes or chuckle a bit. I do have anxieties about her treating my kid differently.
@bettyhomewrecker33 you can tell me to buzz off if this is too personal or whatever but do you have plans for dealing with your MIL when the baby gets here? I am kind of scared that my MIL will affect the baby with her crazy. The other part of me realizes she probably won't too much because it isn't about her so she won't be around too much.
@bettyhomewrecker33 you can tell me to buzz off if this is too personal or whatever but do you have plans for dealing with your MIL when the baby gets here? I am kind of scared that my MIL will affect the baby with her crazy. The other part of me realizes she probably won't too much because it isn't about her so she won't be around too much.
I don't really have any plans. It's the first grandbaby, so I don't have a lot of points of reference at this moment, only guesses to how she will react. I do think when the kiddo gets older she will probably try to say not so nice things to her about us.
Do you guys have a plan with your MIL? Sorry you snagged a loony one too.
@bettyhomewrecker33 you can tell me to buzz off if this is too personal or whatever but do you have plans for dealing with your MIL when the baby gets here? I am kind of scared that my MIL will affect the baby with her crazy. The other part of me realizes she probably won't too much because it isn't about her so she won't be around too much.
I don't really have any plans. It's the first grandbaby, so I don't have a lot of points of reference at this moment, only guesses to how she will react. I do think when the kiddo gets older she will probably try to say not so nice things to her about us.
Do you guys have a plan with your MIL? Sorry you snagged a loony one too.
This is going to sound a little weird but I am less concerned about it with having a boy. I was particularly worried about body image/self esteem issues and with a boy I just think she will have less to say. She is selfish so discussion, events, etc that don't revolve around her she just doesn't care about and checks out. Sometimes she likes to try and make things about her though. I really think it is going to turn out that she is going to be less involved which is really okay by me but I know will hurt my husband. So that was a long way of saying I don't have plans, like you I am waiting to see how it plays out. The few times she has tried to seriously overstep my husband has been really great about telling her to back off so I also try and remember that.
Dude...are you sure your MIL and my SMIL are not one and the same? Because the shit she's pulling and has pulled in the past, from your descriptions in this post, sound EXACTLY like what my SMIL would pull. When she's not bitching about wine not being served at my baby shower because then what is she going to drink after the bloody mary she brought with her is gone, that is.
"You. You and your crazy life. You and your geographic anomaly. You and your drunken lesbianic ways and terrible navigational skills." - ProfArt and her holy baby
I thought you guys had washed your hands of her? Maybe do that again.
We did for awhile, but it made it really awkward to do anything with the rest of H's family since they do EVERYTHING together as a group, and we really enjoy everyone else for the most part. So, our relationship is distant in the sense that we're not buddy buddy, but we are at the same family events.
Dude...are you sure your MIL and my SMIL are not one and the same? Because the shit she's pulling and has pulled in the past, from your descriptions in this post, sound EXACTLY like what my SMIL would pull. When she's not bitching about wine not being served at my baby shower because then what is she going to drink after the bloody mary she brought with her is gone, that is.
I'm always pretty impressed about what she finds to bitch about.
That's what we used to do in the past, but it only made things worse, not better. I think she really tries to get a reaction out of us, so the more we act indifferent, the more irritated she gets and the quicker things shut down. It's pretty funny, actually. I think she really wants there to be a drama so she can then justify acting even more outrageous, and the less we react to her, the better. We don't placate her, though.
I think I'm just being more sensitive about it because it involves my kid indirectly in this situation. Normally she just makes me roll my eyes or chuckle a bit. I do have anxieties about her treating my kid differently.
I hear you. Is his family at least aware of her melodramatics? Like, they're not going to listen to her, right?
I had a really good response typed out to you, but it disappeared, so here's the lazy version:
The aunts and uncles seem to know what's up. It's harder with the cousins, because she's the "fun" one who always pays bar tabs, vacation trips, concerts, etc. This was a rare situation where everyone seemed to be in agreement about her behavior. She plays the victim card a lot about FIL, how much she works, etc. and they eat it up.
Dude...are you sure your MIL and my SMIL are not one and the same? Because the shit she's pulling and has pulled in the past, from your descriptions in this post, sound EXACTLY like what my SMIL would pull. When she's not bitching about wine not being served at my baby shower because then what is she going to drink after the bloody mary she brought with her is gone, that is.
I'm always pretty impressed about what she finds to bitch about.
I hear ya. Between this weekend's shenanigans and some bullshit she pulled back in early spring J and I are just crossing our fingers that FIL decides that having a third ex wife doesn't sound so bad after all and divorces her, because we've had enough of her shit.
She sounds like a nightmare. I would definitely keep my children away from her as much as possible and let them know at a suitable age that she's the weirdo grandma that we don't listen to, so if they hear anything nasty out of her mouth that they don't take it seriously. So sorry you have to deal with this kind of narcissism.
She sounds like a text book case of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I have read posts similar to yours in BPD forums when I was researching about an aunt who behaves exactly like your MIL.
No real advice except to say I'm sorry for dealing with this.
She sounds like her own special brand of crazy.
Maybe severely restricting her access to your child (and it goes without saying, no unsupervised access) might give her a clue that she needs to stop being a bsc bitch.
You really need to distance yourself from her. (Like, truly, no nursery pics etc). She's going to fuck with you hard when you are a new, vulnerable mother, and it will work because you're too tired to fight her off.
My mom echoed this sentiment over the weekend. Basically she told me that I was handling the situation fine right now since it was directed at me, but when someone comes at your child like that, especially during the early stressful periods, I will lose my shit and it's just a matter of time.