Husband vent and good thoughts needed

[persa]

C&P from my local board.

Y'all I'm so pissed at my husband and I know you guys will understand. I may DD later, I don't know.

So I've been doing Gonal F this cycle and planning 2 consecutive IUI treatments when I do my ovulation stim, which I figured would be sometime this week but didn't know exactly when. As you guys probably know, part of the requirement for IUI is infectious disease screen for both of us. I did mine ages ago when I got my initial labs done but MH didn't. Well, I've been bugging him for over 2 weeks that he needs to go get it done and that they won't do the IUI without it. Finally today I told him he HAS to get it done today because it's getting late so he finally goes this afternoon.

So I go see my RE today for my US and I have 3 19-20 mm follicles and he says ok, we're ready to go for the IUI tomorrow, so do your trigger tonight. I make the arrangements for everything for the semen wash and IUI. I happened to still be outside the office when they call me on my cell and say, oh wait, we don't have your husbands infectious diseases screen so we can't do the IUI, no exceptions. I'm stunned but shouldn't have been because I knew this.. But still.
So after the nurse talked it over with the RE, the alternative he came up with is to have MH get stat labs tomorrow early morning at another lab, then do timed intercourse tomorrow (since labs won't be back in time) and then try IUI the following day.

So basically I told husband via IM that I was really upset with him. Then he does what he always does and tries to alleviate himself of blame and started saying how he didn't know there was any urgency and he didn't know there was a deadline and that obviously I didn't either or else I would have told him more definitively that he needed to get it done earlier. The fuck?! So me pestering you for the last 2+ weeks wasn't enough for you?

So now not only am I incredibly upset that we may have decreased our odds of getting pregnant this cycle of Gonal F, which was all out of pocket (no IF coverage) but I'm having to deal with my husband acting like an immature dumb fuck. It just makes me so mad.

So I guess the dust part is that this works this month despite not being able to maximise our chances.

[Deleted]

I'm sorry, you're dealing with this. Have the two of you considered counseling? It might give him a safe spot to open up more and talk about how all this affects him and give both of you some tools to both understand why and learn how to break the cycle of the conflict dance. It sounds like you pestering is making him shut down and he lashes back out looking to point the finger to deflect the blame. Good luck this cycle!!

[changedname]

I had a very hard time getting my DH to do his labs too so I get it. However, I would be beyond pissed. Not just about the money but what your body goes through with Gonal F is no joke. I would be so livid I cannot imagine. I couldn't run or hardly walk last week because of the gonal and believe me if my dh f'd it up, I would be raving mad.

However, there is nothing you cna do now - I agree with @mavjen - follow the clinics instruction. If it makes you feel better, my clinic only does 1 IUI per cycle at 36 hours post trigger because they showed no increase in pg rates for back to back IUIs. Good Luck

[lo]

Omg, I am so sorry. Your feelings are totally justified. At our initial consultation our RE asked MH if he wanted to do the SA that day or schedule it for another day. I could tell that he wanted to schedule it for a different day, but I basically told him he wasn't allowed to leave until he got it done, lol.

FX crossed for you!

[KaraOrNot]

I would be pissed. My H hasn't had any issues getting his labs done, because I force him to do them immediately, before we leave the clinic. However, getting him to do a SA is torture. Weeks of begging, pleading, nagging, and badgering.

I hope you are able to salvage this cycle. FX!

[jewel]

I just wrote a long, commiserating story witch was eaten by GBCN, and I don't really want to type it all out again, but it was a "misunderstanding" with my H that resulted in me yelling something like "I spend all month preparing for this day (IUI). All you have to do is take 2 minutes to jizz in a cup and you can't even do that properly!!!1!1!!"

I'm sorry Guys are just dumb sometimes.

[BNL2]

It was a bumpy road for my husband in the beginning. There were lots of yelling and screaming with him dragging his feet on everything. He just honestly did not understand how cycles worked and that everything must be done with very precise timing. Like Mavjen's husband, mine eventually understood and has been much better. Still, I'd be just as pissed as you are.

[persa]

(C&P from what I updated on my home board)

The funny thing was that when they told me I had to do timed intercourse, in my head I was all "wait, he fucked this all up to shit and now you want me to have sex with him?!"

And y'all, seriously, he started whining about getting his blood drawn again and this was just after I had had labs and a vaginal US that day and just given myself the ovidrel injection (which hurt). Had I not been feeling the effects of my sleeping pill, I probably would have just murdered him right then and there and just looked for a sperm donor for the IUI.

But... GREAT NEWS!! So I did some hustling the next morning and I called the lab where he had done his labs and they had the results back! So I called my RE and told them to call the lab to see if we could still go forward w IUI #1 and they said ok!! Yay me. And he didn't have to get repeat labs done, though I was really tempted to not tell him and let him get poked again anyway, haha

So now we've had both. 3 follicles had released by IUI #2 and one more was about to pop so he wanted us to have sex that night.

We shall see....

[dana2006]

Great update! FX for you!

[KaraOrNot]

Awesome update! Good luck!