Grandpa won't agree to asst living (long)

[tripleshot]

My grandma died in December and my grandpa is going down hill fast both physically and mentally. He's 83 but very active and mentally competent (ETA: was mentally competent up until she died).

Is there any way for my aunt and uncle to basically force him into assisted living?

He lives 4 hours away so I don't see him much but we went down for a few days in April. The house was a disaster. The fridge was disgusting with spilled and old rotten food. I went to grab a dish towel out of the drawer and there was a giant dead rat in there! Then I started disinfecting and cleaning the kitchen and there were mouse droppings all around the edges of the counter tops. I could keep going on the filth of the house. I did force him to have a exterminator come.

2 weeks ago he fell outside and tore his hamstring. Went to the ER, drs decided no surgery, went to a nursing home rehab facility a few days later. My aunt and uncle are there now. She's told me that he is apparently addicted to Vicodin that was prescribed for his TMJ. He took 90 pills in 5-6 days and was going through withdraw symptoms while at rehab. The nurses said when he got there it seemed like he hadn't showered in a month. He needed a haircut still (wouldn't let me pay for one in April).

I think he's MAJORLY depressed about my grandma being gone and just isn't taking care of himself. The social worker at the nursing home said they can't force him to go to asst living. If he isn't taking care of himself or the house, he really needs to go. The house is too big for him anyway. My aunt said the church members told her it seems he's going downhill mentally too.

I feel so sad. Any advice you have that I can pass along to my aunt and uncle would be appreciated.

[fuckyourcouch]

i'm so sorry, how awful.
i'm not positive, but i think the only way a person can be forced is if they are mentally or medically declared incompetent.

[Ohhmm(bligo)]

Jason and I's grandparents were put into nursing homes, and they were pissed about it, but they stayed. I don't know the process, but I know it wasn't their choice.
I'm sorry. It's very sad to have to do this.

[dirtyred]

Get his physician involved.  My MIL wasn't really safe to be on her own anymore, but of course, refused to move.  Her physician said she couldn't live on her own anymore and that got the ball rolling pretty quickly.

[tripleshot]

My aunt said that he can get free home health aid for 20 days but that he has the option if canceling it and probably will after my aunt goes back home next week.

Thanks for the suggestions. I'll pass them along.

[Deleted]

I used to work part time as a patient care assistant with a home health agency. I did most everything except dole out meds. I cooked, cleaned, bathed and otherwise engaged the clients in everyday activities. You might look into that.

[sparkythelawyer]

Speak to his physician.

[calledout]

When my grandfather was in a similar position, the family petitioned the Court for guardianship. In order to do so, we had to have a physician declare him incompetent (actually, there may have been more than one - I can't recall).

Hiring somebody to come to the house a couple days a week can be a good idea. For an hourly rate, you could have someone come over, clean, do some laundry, provide a bit of companionship and get your grandfather out of the house (doc apt, grocery store, whatever). But be very, very careful. Senior aides are notorious for taking advantage / ripping off the elderly. The fact that the family is out of town won't help either. One other issue to consider w/ respect to "helpers" is that the senior can become very attached to the person (really, it's the only person they see on a regular basis, right?) If / when the helper quits or stops showing up one day, it can be sort of devastating for the senior.

[indianchica]

When this happened to DH's mom after DH's dad died. she had a couple of bad falls and ended up in the hospital. The health team there told her she couldn't live in her home anymore - that it wasn't safe for her. Somehow when they said it, she agreed.