Are Thank You cards out of style?

[finally]

A coworker was married in February and her thank you cards were just a card with a picture on them with an imprinted saying.  All she wrote was "Thank you for sharing our special day"  She said this was the 'new norm'.   Other coworkers and I chipped in for an engagement gift for her...no thank you note.

SIL's bridal shower was in April and I didn't receive a thank you card for the shower gift.  Since their wedding was last weekend, I figured I would have received the TY for shower gift prior to the wedding.  I never got a TY for their engagement gift either.  I wonder if I will get a TY for the wedding gift.

Just curious if it's acceptable to not send thank you's.  I didn't think they would ever be out of style but based on these two examples, I wonder!

[munkii]

No. It would be hard to hold my tongue if someone told me that because I'd be thinking, "So you're an entitled b----?" That's really what it comes down to, IMO--they think they're deserve to be lavished with gifts (that's the norm after all!), end of story.

We never got TYs from MH's cousin after her shower or wedding last year, but another of his cousins did send us a TY from her baby shower this year. These two cousins grew up together, fwiw; so, I'm not sure how different their moms (sisters) raised them. It's definitely not cultural in this instance.

[emoflamingo]

No way. I am a little lax about thank yous for birthday parties (since I make Monkey say thank you and give hugs when people give him birthday gifts and he can't write well yet, so a thank you note would really come from me anyways), but I was meticulous about doing them for our wedding and showers. Like, they went out that week after because I wanted to know they were done and off my plate.

[Deleted]

No. I especially get upset when I'm sending the gift through the mail and don't receive a TY, because I have no way of knowing if it was received. So then I'm left following up with a phone call or e-mail. One friend never even responded to my e-mail asking if they'd received the gift. I'm still a little upset about that one 6 years later and it made me wonder if we really were friends or if they were just seeking gifts with the invite.

[sierramist03]

It seems like lately I haven't even got that and it annoys the crap out of me. I come from a family that send thank yous for stuff. I have made handmade items and still didn't even get a thank you text or Facebook

[Deleted]

Yeah, she's making excuses.
I don't mind photo thank yous. In fact I think they're kind of cute and it's fun to see what the day "turned out" like. I do prefer they at least sign their name but it's gravy to me. I also don't think people mean those to be the "easy/lazy" way out, more like, "Hey, these are cute. We should share this photo." I don't think the offense in photo cards is intentional.

As for showers and everything else, yeah thank yous are a must. Showers are $$ gifts and a huge time suck for the guests so the least you can do is take eight seconds to say thanks.

Weddings aside, for any other event I don't care if it's FB, in the mail, a personal phone call or a text. Just acknowledge me dammit. I'm not formal enough to care how it gets done. Hell, a sincere thanks in person is enough for me. I do get agitated if nothing is said at all.

I do give new moms and the sick a pass. I assume there's other stuff on their mind. I took a bit of teasing over on S*B for that comment the other day, but I know how real life sometimes gets in the way. I don't think everything is an all or nothing situation all the time.

[heygrey]

uh, no.

i'm way lax about written thank yous for birthdays and christmas (verbal thank you always though!), but i was crazy about wedding related thank yous. both of our wedding showers were in our home towns and we didn't in either place so i spend the day after writing all the thank you notes because i didn't want to deal with them when we got back to our home. same with our wedding - we were moving out of country 4 weeks after our honeymoon so i wrote and delivered/mailed all our cards before we moved.

[ssmjlm]

Not in my family. I send out thank yous for big things. People at work were amazed that I did thank you notes for my baby shower. Hell yes I'm thanking you.

Now I will side eye my great aunt. She sent a gc after E was born and I sent the thank you out a week later. She called my dad to make sure it came. Come on lady give me a few days I just gave birth.

[315]

I always give TY's for gifts other than those that people bring over for a meal.

I think photo thank you cards are fine.

[IIOY]

This is one of my soapbox issues because I am very old school about TYs. It is never wrong to write one and almost always wrong not to. Standardized TY notes that are not personalized are lazy and entitled. I have no patience for such things.

[sailorgray]

Nope, not out of style. I was just at a kids bday party and the mom made an announcement that she had no time for thank you cards and then she thanked us.  The other moms sat silent and it was awkward. The mom would have been better off not saying anything at all.  I would not have expected one, but she pretty much made us feel like we weren't important enough to take an hour and do them even though we had gone out, bought her child a gift and then spent 4 hours on a beautiful Sunday celebrating her child. 

[april37]

I think it is beyond rude when someone does not send a thank you note. The only exception is during Christmas, although I still expect a verbal thank you.

[Susie]

Jun 9, 2013 8:29:16 GMT -5 finally said:

A coworker was married in February and her thank you cards were just a card with a picture on them with an imprinted saying.  All she wrote was "Thank you for sharing our special day"  She said this was the 'new norm'.   Other coworkers and I chipped in for an engagement gift for her...no thank you note.

A new way to be lazy, sure, but no, it's not a new norm.

I don't think genuine thank you notes are a "style" that goes in or out.  They're the gracious, polite thing to do.  Access to vistaprint doesn't change that.

[pitterwoo]

I wouldn't expect a TY for a birthday gift (but I would expect you to mention it next time we spoke). For a wedding or shower TYs are definitely still the norm.

I dislike the generic ones too because my cousin sent us a TY for coming to her wedding and getting her a gift, but it wasn't until months later during a conversation did I find out that the gift never arrived. For some reason it couldn't be delivered to them and then they moved. Instead of coming back to me, it went to some holding facility in another state. I cried at the PO, but luckily it was found and they finally got it. Anyway, I prefer TYs to also be a way to confirm everything arrived safe and sound.

[aweilba]

Our wedding thank you cards were a picture of us holding up "Thank You" signs.  Then on the back of each card we wrote a personal thank you letter to each gift giver.  It never crossed my mind not to write something personal on them. 

I think that with things like wedding gifts, you should absolutely send thank you notes. I always try to send thank you cards, but it sometimes takes me a while.  My brother (who is 18), on the other hand, just said to me that he will never write thank yous for anything now that he's out of my mom's house because people just know he's grateful.  So... perhaps it's a generational thing?  I don't get thank yous from family members who are younger than me, so I'm thinking I must've been the last kid raised that way.