Moms: Whining! How do you stop it?

[Deleted]

Toddler has taken up whining.
Part of it is she's almost 2. It's what they do. Part of it is she doesn't have the vocab just yet to vocalize what she wants sometimes. Part of it is, there's a kid her age at daycare that whines incessentantly (for a lot of reasons) and she picks up on that.

I get down to her level and say, "Use your words. You say XYZ. No whining."

I do, "Show Mom what you want."

Both work pretty good. Esp. now that she's learning new words everyday.

How do I curb the whining just for the sake of whining though?

I've been ignorning it until she comes to me and either shows me or uses a normal tone of voice.

Anything else I should be doing?

She's a great kid otherwise. I don't think it's a discipline worthy offense at 2 but I'd like to do something.

[prazenjc]

we didn't respond to whining and it didn't last long for us. granted, we didn't ignore our son, but he didn't get positive results when he whined for something. if he did whine, for whining's sake, we did just ignore that (my son likes attention, so if we give it when he whined, it would continue).

every now and again it shows up, but mostly just when DS is tired.

i do agree that it isn't discipline worthy, but will be interested in seeing if others have done something else, as i have no idea how the whining thing will work with DD when she gets older (always good to have a few techniques in your back pocket).

[magdala]

I babysit my nephew one day a week every week. When he whines, I tell him overtired kids whine. He must need a nap. He loathes naps so he tells me he'll be good to avoid the nap. He generally is good. I have to keep an eye on not overdoing this because he is starting to get his two year molars (at 21 mos) and part of the fussiness could be his teeth are bothering him.

[Deleted]

Jun 9, 2013 11:07:35 GMT -5 prazenjc said:

we didn't respond to whining and it didn't last long for us. granted, we didn't ignore our son, but he didn't get positive results when he whined for something. if he did whine, for whining's sake, we did just ignore that (my son likes attention, so if we give it when he whined, it would continue).

every now and again it shows up, but mostly just when DS is tired.

i do agree that it isn't discipline worthy, but will be interested in seeing if others have done something else, as i have no idea how the whining thing will work with DD when she gets older (always good to have a few techniques in your back pocket).

Thanks. At least I don't feel so off base. It's kind of where I am too. It's mainly just a phase I know so I should probably relax. I just have no personal tolerance for whining.
I don't ignore her if I know she's frustrated or trying to tell what she wants but sometimes she just whines because she can and that I ignore. Like you, I just wonder if there's something else I'm missing.

And yeah, I don't want discipline because I pick my battles so she knows I'm serious. My discipline approach is alos more along the lines of "Fix it and apologize" which isn't something relatable to whining at this stage. (throw a book. We have a "talk" you go get it and put it away nicely. Do it again, it's mine, for example).

[Deleted]

Jun 9, 2013 11:12:06 GMT -5 magdala said:

I babysit my nephew one day a week every week. When he whines, I tell him overtired kids whine. He must need a nap. He loathes naps so he tells me he'll be good to avoid the nap. He generally is good. I have to keep an eye on not overdoing this because he is starting to get his two year molars (at 21 mos) and part of the fussiness could be his teeth are bothering him.

LOL. My kid loves naps. Like when I say "Nap time" she gets her blanket, sippy a book and attempts to crawl in her crib herself. She never fights me about sleep.

And yeah, we have some teething going on here. I try to be understanding of the whining those days, but the others..ick.

I think that's the hard part. It's not an always sort of thing like "We don't hit EVER" for example. She's too little to understand why it's not okay sometimes and it is others, kwim?

[thewop]

Ugh. I know exactly what you're going through. After telling her to tell me/show me what with no results, I'll sometimes tell her to go to her room if she's whiney. "If you're going to whine, you can do it in your room." Not in a frustrated or angry punishing way just as a matter of fact type thing. Somestimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I also find that sometimes she's just bored and needs something new to do. I will take simple tasks like picking up her room, or folding laundry and make them an activity she can get really involved with "Can you please put the towel in this pile for me?" Can you please put the books on the shelf?" She's a big helpy-helperton so it's fun for her. It takes 9x as long to get stuff done around the house with her helping, but it's better than listening to a whiney kid.

[Deleted]

Jun 10, 2013 8:43:48 GMT -5 nursecramer said:

Jun 10, 2013 7:49:25 GMT -5 thewop said:

Ugh. I know exactly what you're going through. After telling her to tell me/show me what with no results, I'll sometimes tell her to go to her room if she's whiney. "If you're going to whine, you can do it in your room." Not in a frustrated or angry punishing way just as a matter of fact type thing. Somestimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I also find that sometimes she's just bored and needs something new to do. I will take simple tasks like picking up her room, or folding laundry and make them an activity she can get really involved with "Can you please put the towel in this pile for me?" Can you please put the books on the shelf?" She's a big helpy-helperton so it's fun for her. It takes 9x as long to get stuff done around the house with her helping, but it's better than listening to a whiney kid.

That's a huge one for us. Usually if I find something to occupy M, it curbs the whining. Or there's some other underlying cause. He was super whiny yesterday as H and I were making dinner because a) he was bored and we weren't paying attention to him and b) he was really hungry. A banana satisfied him and kept him busy until we could get dinner on the table. I find that identifying the underlying reason for whining works better than just treating the symptom.

Yeah, you're both right. My kid never has had much of an attention span (busy! busy!). Usually it's okay because we can run outside all day or at daycare there's so much to do or see. It made me think that the whining is an in the house sort of thing. She loves to help and I do do a lot of that and I do pull fun activities out her for her, but sometimes she just has to go play. I should pull some different toys out again and show her how they work...that'd probably help. But I feel like she just sits and whines at her toys lol.

We'll see. Hopefully it's a short phase.

And WOP, I should try the room trick. She kind of hates to be "ignored."
Thanks girls.

[SusanBAnthony]

My kids still try it. I whine back to them, or tell them I won't help if they can't ask nicely, or tell them they must be tired and need a rest. It is really freaking annoying,

[niknik]

copius amounts of wine...

[bunnymendelbaum]

I usually just ignore, but sometimes the whining back feels SO good. Ha!

[ktzmoh]

With our 2 year old, I use the mommy can't understand what you want when you whine - use your big girl words and tell me what you need. Mixed success but - she's two so what can you really expect. With our 5 year old, we have a different approach with much more success.