This work thing is not working.

[motzie]

It has finally hit me that I am really not happy. Every day is the same rush to get out the door, and then rush for bedtime for A, then packing up to get ready to do it all again the next day. I don't ever get to spend time with her, and I have no time to do anything around the house, or even think about doing a project or something for myself.

So anyway, I'm thinking of asking to go down to 3 days a week. I don't think I'm ready to quit cold turkey. I just feel weird about if because if my boss does say no to part time, then I will have to quit. I can't keep this up. H works way too many hours to help out sometimes, and we don't need my piddly salary anyway. I like my job. I'm hoping my boss goes for it.

[gault]

I'm sorry you've been unhappy. Life is too short to feel like that for long.
Do you think your boss would be amenable to it? If you think he'd hesitate, I'd come up with a concrete plan and lay it out for him so he'll know you'd still be able to execute a, b and c or whatever.

[partiallysunny]

::Motzie:: I'm sorry you're unhappy

I hope your boss goes for it. Sounds like it would be a great solution to your problem. Let us know how it goes when you ask!

[fussbucket]

Sorry, I agree this is really hard. When I went back to work it was the middle of winter and Baby Fuss fell asleep every night right at 6pm (he was around 5-6 months old then). I don't have a PT option but was able to adjust my hours by eliminating my lunch break and just working straight through from 8:30 to 4:30 (shhhh don't tell HR I take no breaks!). So I got an hour or so between getting home when I could feed him dinner, play a bit, and then put him to bed. I think it just stayed like that for a few months until daylight savings time arrived and then he was magically staying up an hour later! I guess my point is, there are definitely hard phases you encounter as a working parent, but they don't last forever and things inevitably change either way.

I hope they go for your PT proposal if that's what you want, or maybe propose that you do a 2-3 month trial and then jointly evaluate whether to continue PT or resume FT. But even if they don't go for it, consider that sticking it out isn't necessarily a hopeless option either.

[motzie]

I'm hopeful that he will go for it. It's been a bit slow here. I think they would rather have me part time than not at all. And I hope he will realize that without me having to say it, because I don't want to feel like I'm giving an ultimatum asking to go part time.

I still have to check the cost with daycare, and see what the healthcare changes would be with H's policy, since I have my own coverage now that I would probably lose.

Fuss (it won't let me tag you!), I thought that I would just push through, but things aren't changing. I was contributing much of this to lack of sleep, which I know (hope?) will get better over time. But still, it just feels like, what am I doing this for? Why am I miserable, not seeing my child and my house is a disaster if I don't need to be. I realize I'm fortunate to have this option. I'm just such a pussy about big changes like this.

[margarita]

I hope your boss will go for it. Life's too short to be unhappy.

[captainmel]

Hopefully your boss will go for it. My mom always worked part time when I was growing up and it was really nice to have her around just a little bit extra. It sounds like even if you quit completely it will be for the best.

[Deleted]

I can imagine that would be really difficult to miss out on A's life motzie. I hope your employer goes for the part time option.

[dixienormous]

I'm in the same boat. Only there is no PT option for me. I'm looking for a job closer to home but in general I'm no longer happy working. I want to be home working with PF and knowing what's being done and not being done.

[malibu]

I am with you. I can't do PT though. I wish it were an option. I hope your boss goes for it. It would probably take a lot of the stress off.

[starrieskies]

Hugs to you both, motzie and dixienormous! I hope that you find the best imaginable solutions for yourselves!

Sometimes I wished that I could spend more time at home with DS, although now that he's older I feel better about it. I've never really wanted to be a SAHM, sometimes I wonder if that makes me a bad mom to not want to spend all of that time with him. But if it were an option for me, I wouldn't mind going to part time for at least a couple of months a year.

[dixienormous]

I never wanted to be a SAHM. Even when I went back to work after maternity leave I was happy to do so. When PF's issues were brought to light and all of the therapies and specialist appointments started, that's when I really wanted to be home with her.

With my commute and work hours I get an hour and a half with PF in the evenings and that time is taken up by all kinds of things that aren't necessarily "fun time." Though last night she and I spent an hour playing with her new Little People Princess Castle.

[partiallysunny]

Jun 10, 2013 16:57:36 GMT -5 starrieskies said:

Hugs to you both, motzie and dixienormous! I hope that you find the best imaginable solutions for yourselves!

Sometimes I wished that I could spend more time at home with DS, although now that he's older I feel better about it. I've never really wanted to be a SAHM, sometimes I wonder if that makes me a bad mom to not want to spend all of that time with him. But if it were an option for me, I wouldn't mind going to part time for at least a couple of months a year.

I feel this way sometimes too. But I know deep down I'm not a bad mom and I find working rewarding (or I did until it started to suck).

[motzie]

I thought I wanted to stay home, but then I thought I had everything figured out after I went back and was making it work, but now I feel like it's all gone downhill.

dixienormous I get about the same with A each night, but most of that gets taken up with her dinner and bath. There is very little time to interact or have much quality time.

[dixienormous]

Jun 11, 2013 9:05:39 GMT -5 motzie said:

I thought I wanted to stay home, but then I thought I had everything figured out after I went back and was making it work, but now I feel like it's all gone downhill.

dixienormous I get about the same with A each night, but most of that gets taken up with her dinner and bath. There is very little time to interact or have much quality time.

YES! I get home and it's dinner (which is a fight), some sort of therapy, bath, and bed. Or if I have to make dinner for me and H, I'll set her up with a spatula and bowl in the kitchen with me so I'm at least spending some time with her. It's so frustrating.

The commute is also hard on me because I'm a slave to the train schedule.

Working part time is my ultimate goal.

[partiallysunny]

Jun 11, 2013 9:10:52 GMT -5 dixienormous said:

Jun 11, 2013 9:05:39 GMT -5 motzie said:

I thought I wanted to stay home, but then I thought I had everything figured out after I went back and was making it work, but now I feel like it's all gone downhill.

dixienormous I get about the same with A each night, but most of that gets taken up with her dinner and bath. There is very little time to interact or have much quality time.

YES! I get home and it's dinner (which is a fight), some sort of therapy, bath, and bed. Or if I have to make dinner for me and H, I'll set her up with a spatula and bowl in the kitchen with me so I'm at least spending some time with her. It's so frustrating.

The commute is also hard on me because I'm a slave to the train schedule.

Working part time is my ultimate goal.

It's the same here as well, but it's getting better as Kid gets older. He stays up a little later and we get more time to spend together. And we make up for lost time on the weekends.

Sometimes I wonder why dads never feel guilty. Or maybe they do and just don't talk about it?

[dixienormous]

I think on some level they do, PS. But I also think that it's so ingrained that they be the breadwinner that it's not exactly a conscious guilt.

H may be a pain in the ass when I go out and he's in charge of the PF evening routine, but I know that he loves the time alone he gets with her on those evenings.

[bullygirl979]

Good luck, motzie! I hope your boss goes for it! Considering they seem to like having you as an employee, my guess is that they will be willing to work with you on it.

[Muddled]

I really hope that you can find a happy medium, Motz. If it's not going down to 3 days a week, maybe even leaving an hour earlier each day and/or having half day Fridays would be helpful.

I know you are not alone in this. I have lots of momfriends who have gone through similar negotiations and it really has helped.