It's been an interesting week

[WOT?*]

I flew down to Cali last week because my dad is bedridden with Alzheimer's and his wife was admitted to the hospital on Memorial Day and now needs open-heart surgery. We're trying to get my dad's insurance in line to allow him to transfer to a skilled nursing facility.

My sisters have an issue with his wife because "she was a bitch when Grandma was sick and after she died. And she's hiding money from dad's inheritance." It was a vicious cycle because my sisters had taken everything out of storage (Grandma had Alzheimer's and dad and youngest sister were co-trustees) to "protect" it from dad and his wife. Dad wanted stuff like his mom's wedding rings and furs but the girls refused to give it because it would go to dad's wife, etc. So there's bad blood between them.

Wife has marital rights to control dad's finances and medical treatment. Her daughter is acting on her behalf and under her direction and forwarding the information to us. Fortunately, wife and daughter get along very well with me and well with bro and his wife; she has no trust issues with us. Sisters however have been pressing for dad's will, info re: dad's will, one sister asked for an advance in her inheritance from dad (just a few years ago they had each inherited $40K+ from dad's mom and now they're angling for a share of dad's inheritance from his mom...of which there is little to nothing left.) She keeps her office locked and they tried to get in (even having niece try to jimmy the lock with bobby pins...talk about setting a good example and get wife's daughter to let them in to "get dad's papers" and they've been trying to get me to get in and look through the office. We're running in four different directions trying to get dad admitted because the two sisters are coordinating over what has already been taken care of by wife and her daughter. Sisters are pushing brother (who has medical advance directive) to get a POA to access dad's money and take control of dad's finances, etc. DAD HAS A WIFE. She is entitled to control his finances as his surviving spouse. They won't wrap their heads around this. What the eff would they be thinking if their children tried to take control of their husband's money because "they're the children and she's only the wife." Sheesh and mothereffer.

Dad and wife also have a tiny chihuahua that is dad's therapy dog but is also the family pet. Sister told dad's wife while she was in the hospital that she was going to take the dog to her house and not worry; she promised her daughter they would dog-sit. Wife was *adamant* that she wanted the dog taken care of by her daughter at her house. Sister refuses to acknowledge that wife has a right to direct the dog's care because "it's dad's therapy dog." Even so, this is his WIFE (and her dog as well as dad's. sheesh.) Sister intends to spirit the dog away after dad is placed and while wife is recuperating, regardless of her wishes. She "won't break a promise to her daughter." blah blah blah. She also (again) brought up dad's house sale (brother bought it to develop prior to the crash and so "stole" her/our equity) and wanted to again address wife to get brother to resell the house to the estate; dad and his wife live rent-free in one of brother's properties as part of the sales agreement.

Dad's wife has been hospitalized for two weeks. Her surgery has been delayed for multipe reasons. THEY RELEASED HER to recuperate at home in preparation for readmittance on Monday for surgery she still needs. I was surprised to see her and her daughter pull up yesterday afternoon; I'm taking care of dad during the day and her daughter and grands are coming over and caring for her. Not a peaceful environment.

Second sister is a nurse. She has been in repeated contact with the hospital while wife was hospitalized. She has been going over the charts and orders with the nursing staff and doctors; she knew about the release before wife and her daughter - she *texted* daughter to inform her. The worst part is that SHE DOES NOT HAVE HIPAA RELEASE for medical information yet the hospital has been giving her all the info. She even "dictated" the discharge because the hospital was forgetting stuff that wife needed.

We should hopefully get the insurance in process enough within the next couple of days so that we can get dad moved as pending insurance approval and he can get proper care and Wife can rest peacefully for a few days prior to her surgery.

So, long story short. Dad is sick and we can't get him into a care facility. MIL needs open-heart surgery and can't care for dad. Sisters are trying to pressure MIL into financial disclosures and also doing run-arounds to get things accomplished that are already pending so they can keep their hands in play. Sister is trying to snatch dad and wife's dog because she "promised her daughter' regardless of wife's wishes and arrangements. Brother is going nuts getting calls from them saying one thing and calls from me stating another (with info directly from wife's daughter) who is coordinating for wife/mom. I'm the facilitator and conduit. Fun times.

Sheesh. Sorry it's so long.

[Balki.Bartokomous]

Oh, wow, what a cluster.

I'd probably start by hiring a lawyer to send a letter to the hospital about the HIPAA violations. Then I'd honestly get some sort of restraining order on behalf of your dad's wife. Your sisters sound nuts, and the last thing your dad or his DW need are your sisters interfering with their healthcare.

[hannamarin]

Sorry your family is out of control
Hope Father gets what he needs and his wife does well in surgery.
You dont need to call a lawyer re:Hippa violation. You can complain to the hospital. There should be some sort of patient ombudsman.....or you can complain to state licensing body or sonething?

[agnes]

I have no advice to offer, but I'm sorry you're having to deal with all of this. I hope your father can get moved soon and his wife's surgery goes well.

If you're in the Southern California area and need a little break maybe you could have a little gtg lunch/dinner to get your mind off things or even vent to us?

[phunluvin82]

I'm sorry. This sounds awful, I would be SO stressed!

[WOT?*]

On the good news front, we just got a call and may have a case number by the end of the day or tomorrow. Our first choice skilled nursing facility has a bed available and as soon as a number is assigned we can have him transferred. My poor brother has been fielding calls from them both and a couple from me to tell him the status down here. He has the medical advance directive so he's our family coordinator. His DW's daughter has been doing a fantastic job spearheading calls and getting things moving on her behalf, which includes helping direct dad's care.

We're in the hell that is central Cali. It's cooled down to 93 today. The car was 103 yesterday. When I left Seattle it was 53 and raining. And Seattle has shopping, and scenery and a whole lot of other stuff that is not in or anywhere near this dirt mecca.

Thank you for the offer of a SoCal gtg but unfortunately I'm across the Grapevine and a few hours north. I married to get out of here.

[chia]

This is how you file a HIPAA Complaint:
www.hhs.gov/ocr/privacy/hipaa/complaints/index.html

What a messed up situation! Sorry...