Say you're invited somewhere

[sawyerthedestroyer]

Is it rude to invite someone else even though they weren't invited by the original person?

I'll try to keep this condensed. H's friend's wife is an entitled brat, but I've been polite and tolerant. In the beginning I tried to be friends with her. I have a group of friends at the library story time and thought it would be nice to invite her to join us. She's come a few times, doesn't really talk to anyone, and leaves when it's over, doesn't say bye or anything. It's no surprise that she's not being invited to things by my friends.

This child is now whining to her H who then complains to my H expecting him to set me straight or whatever (that's seriously the vibe H says he gets from these conversations) because I've been invited to a few things and then didn't invite her. I really don't think it's my place to invite her if I'm not the one planning the meetup. FWIW, I have invited her to the meetups I've planned and she doesn't show.

This is mostly a vent, but I wouldn't post here if I didn't expect some input.

[CurlyQ284]

Yes, rude to invite people if you're not the one planning the get together. She sounds fun.

[wrathofkuus]

Yes, it would be rude to invite her.

[janiejones]

Hmmm, how public are these meet ups?
If it's just drop in stuff, I might mention a few things without making real plans with her, but it's up to her to build friendships for herself, that's not your job.

[sawyerthedestroyer]

Jun 15, 2013 21:28:52 GMT -5 janiejones said:

Hmmm, how public are these meet ups?
If it's just drop in stuff, I might mention a few things without making real plans with her, but it's up to her to build friendships for herself, that's not your job.

Some are public, others are at our homes. I'm uncomfortable mentioning the public events if I wasn't the one to "discover" the event and suggest the meetup in the first place. It's not like public park meetups, it's like local festivals and attractions, which feel different to me than just the park for some reason.

[Deleted]

what does your husband say to her?

she's a crazy person. clearly you can't invite her to stuff that other people plan. sheesh.

[scorpion]

Jun 15, 2013 21:39:21 GMT -5 sawyerthedestroyer said:

Jun 15, 2013 21:28:52 GMT -5 janiejones said:

Hmmm, how public are these meet ups?
If it's just drop in stuff, I might mention a few things without making real plans with her, but it's up to her to build friendships for herself, that's not your job.

Some are public, others are at our homes. I'm uncomfortable mentioning the public events if I wasn't the one to "discover" the event and suggest the meetup in the first place. It's not like public park meetups, it's like local festivals and attractions, which feel different to me than just the park for some reason.

No, not your place to invite her to the more private things.  And it's totally not your job to invite her to the public events (especially given how fun she sounds...).

[beautifulfields12]

How old is this person? She needs to put on her adult panties and get a grip on her own social life. I have no sympathy for someone who acts like this. She and her H should growup and handle their own business.

[midnightrae]

It is rude to invite her to someone else's meet up. She is acting ridiculous. Why does she want to be invited anyways, if she is going to decline every time?

[margotmacomber]

Your H needs to shut it down.  I'd honestly stop inviting her to anything.  Maybe this is why I have no friends, lol.

[Bree Van de Kamp]

I would be so humiliated if my husband had to literally force someone to invite me to outings. Stay away from her. She sounds like a barrel of crazy, and those types are fun-destroyers.

[sawyerthedestroyer]

H just makes excuses like "Oh, maybe she forgot to call" because he claims he can't exactly say "Your wife needs to make an effort to be included." I am mad about this as well. I told him he should at least point out that it would be rude for me to invite anyone to something I didn't plan instead of making lame excuses.

She is 24, spoiled, never had to work a day in her life, and lacks a filter.

The Ozarks are a region in southern Missouri and north Arkansas.

[janiejones]

Jun 15, 2013 21:39:21 GMT -5 sawyerthedestroyer said:

Jun 15, 2013 21:28:52 GMT -5 janiejones said:

Hmmm, how public are these meet ups?
If it's just drop in stuff, I might mention a few things without making real plans with her, but it's up to her to build friendships for herself, that's not your job.

Some are public, others are at our homes. I'm uncomfortable mentioning the public events if I wasn't the one to "discover" the event and suggest the meetup in the first place. It's not like public park meetups, it's like local festivals and attractions, which feel different to me than just the park for some reason.

I see.  We have local ongoing drop in things for young families, stuff like that I might mention is going on, but not go out of my way to invite her to a planned group thing.  In the spirit of maybe her kid(s) getting out and having fun.  YKWIM?  

[sawyerthedestroyer]

Jun 15, 2013 22:28:35 GMT -5 janiejones said:

Jun 15, 2013 21:39:21 GMT -5 sawyerthedestroyer said:

Some are public, others are at our homes. I'm uncomfortable mentioning the public events if I wasn't the one to "discover" the event and suggest the meetup in the first place. It's not like public park meetups, it's like local festivals and attractions, which feel different to me than just the park for some reason.

I see.  We have local ongoing drop in things for young families, stuff like that I might mention is going on, but not go out of my way to invite her to a planned group thing.  In the spirit of maybe her kid(s) getting out and having fun.  YKWIM?  

I know what you mean, but given her behavior I have little incentive to be any kinder than I already am.

[eb777888]

Jun 15, 2013 21:42:39 GMT -5 @smace said:

Your h should shut his friend down when he blathers on about his bitch wife instead of placing blame on others.

This was my exact thought. This is all that needs to happen.

[snickers]

Definitely rude to invite her if you are not the one planning the event. I would be especially annoying with you if you invited this gem..She's sounds fun to be around.

[Sloane]

Yes, it's rude to invite her to someone else's plans, especially since she's had ample opportunity to make her own friendships with these people. If you kept inviting someone like that to stuff with my friends, I'd eventually stop inviting you, especially for events at my home.

[kaybee85]

Jun 16, 2013 7:29:26 GMT -5 Sloane said:

Yes, it's rude to invite her to someone else's plans, especially since she's had ample opportunity to make her own friendships with these people. If you kept inviting someone like that to stuff with my friends, I'd eventually stop inviting you, especially for events at my home.

This was my thought exactly. She's had the opportunity to get to know these women, and she has chosen to run out at the end of events without talking to them. Why the hell would they invite her to hang out with them some more?

[noodle]

Personally, I would stop engaging with her and her H. But I have no patience for most people.

I would be mortified if my H asked someone to invite me to events. And would think H was crazy if he asked me to tell someone to invite him to something.

Both the woman and her H do not sound like people I would want to invite anywhere, especially to events I didn't plan.

[sawyerthedestroyer]

Jun 15, 2013 23:43:35 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

How is she finding out that you are invited to all this shit, anyway? 

I was tagged on facebook.

Facebook always seems to be in the equation when it comes to drama.

[sarahbear]

Your husband needs to have a standard line when confronted. I like SueSue's suggestion. "my wife doesn't plan these events. She isn't the one to invite people." or something like that. Repeat over and over until friend's husband shuts up about it.

[ECB]

Jun 16, 2013 9:35:04 GMT -5 sarahbear said:

Your husband needs to have a standard line when confronted. I like SueSue's suggestion. "my wife doesn't plan these events. She isn't the one to invite people." or something like that. Repeat over and over until friend's husband shuts up about it.

100% agree.

[thedutchgirl]

Jun 16, 2013 9:28:42 GMT -5 sawyerthedestroyer said:

Jun 15, 2013 23:43:35 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

How is she finding out that you are invited to all this shit, anyway? 

I was tagged on facebook.

Facebook always seems to be in the equation when it comes to drama.

Unfriend her. Problem solved.

But also, yes, it is rude. Your H should tell her H that when you are not the host of an event, you are not in a position to invite tag-alongs. Of course, then he'll probably say it is your job to contact the host to invite this whiner.

[sawyerthedestroyer]

Jun 16, 2013 10:21:51 GMT -5 thedutchgirl said:

Jun 16, 2013 9:28:42 GMT -5 sawyerthedestroyer said:

I was tagged on facebook.

Facebook always seems to be in the equation when it comes to drama.

Unfriend her. Problem solved.

But also, yes, it is rude. Your H should tell her H that when you are not the host of an event, you are not in a position to invite tag-alongs. Of course, then he'll probably say it is your job to contact the host to invite this whiner.

Already done (hot)

[speckledfrog]

What he really needs to say is, "Dude, I'm not in charge of what my wife does. If it's bugging your wife she should talk to sawyer herself."

[Deleted]

Jun 16, 2013 12:08:52 GMT -5 speckledfrog said:

What he really needs to say is, "Dude, I'm not in charge of what my wife does. If it's bugging your wife she should talk to sawyer herself."

Yeeessss!!!