Need some objective opinions

[idris]

Hi. I'll try to make this as short as possible.
My SIL (H's sister) is pregnant with her third. We are all anxiously awaiting to find out the sex. Not for any particular reason other than it's another baby, and we are freaking excited.
So I get a text from SIL asking if I would help her with a gender reveal party. Nothing insane. Just family all in one place to find out (my guess is girl because she already has two boys). I checked our calendar, and we're clear. We have my sister's grad party that weekend, but she wanted to do her thing on Friday. I told her of course.
Now, we live 3 hours away from everyone. She decided on Friday, so I thought I could get down there on Thursday to help her with cleaning and all that stuff.
I text H to tell him about all of it. He tells me that I had volunteered for the charity at this work that is on Thursday (I didn't. The chick signed me up for it for some reason).
So for the whole week, my H has been on me about all of it. Am I wrong for not wanted to break my previous commitment? Or should I tell SIL I have to do this thing for H's work instead?

I'm really conflicted about all of this. H says he's my H, so I should want to help him. I know that is true, but I had already told his sister I would help her. I don't know. Thanks.

[wrathofkuus]

I think your husband is the one who signed you up for this. I'd help SIL. I don't negotiate with people who make plans for me without my consent.

[Deleted]

Yep, go to your SIL's place. You didn't sign up for something, you were signed up. That is not a commitment you made.

[gbck]

you don't HAVE a previous commitment, because you didn't sign up for anything.

[statlerwaldorf]

Jun 13, 2012 14:26:16 GMT -5 gbck said:

you don't HAVE a previous commitment, because you didn't sign up for anything.

This. IMO the plans *you* made first (SIL's party) are your previous commitment and you should go.

[ECB]

Jun 13, 2012 14:26:16 GMT -5 gbck said:

you don't HAVE a previous commitment, because you didn't sign up for anything.

Yup. This.

[BettyBookWorm]

Do your thing for SIL . If your husband gets his jock strap in a twist over it then he should learn to ask you prior to signing you up for things.

[margarita]

Jun 13, 2012 14:19:53 GMT -5 @feinicstine said:

Yep, go to your SIL's place. You didn't sign up for something, you were signed up. That is not a commitment you made.

Exactly!

You didn't sign up for anything else, and therefore, you're in the clear and can go to SIL's. Have fun.

[exploding people]

Jun 13, 2012 15:09:44 GMT -5 BettyBookWorm said:

Do your thing for SIL . If your husband gets his jock strap in a twist over it then he should learn to ask you prior to signing you up for things.

Yup. Go help your SIL.

[Muddled]

Can you not do both? Do the charity thing and then drive the 3 hours and get everything together on Friday? Is it Friday night?

Absolutely I would put the plans you made yourself over the plans someone else made for you. He should've checked with you first, but if you want to try to do both, it doesn't seem impossible.

[ttt]

Why can't HE do the charity work?

[DefenseAgainstTheDarkArts22]

Just asking because I regularly forget things like this. Was it a "hey, want to help out at my companies thing" "Yeah, okay". type exchange?

[PinkSquirrel]

You didn't sign up to do it, go help your SIL

[malibu]

LOL at 'get his jock strap in a twist'.

Go to your SIL. Hell, it's your H's sister, shouldn't he be more concerned about your commitment to her anyway?

[idris]

Thanks, ladies. He never asked me about it. I guess the chick at his company asked if I would help out, and he said he would ask. He never said anything to me. I didn't even know the event was this week until Monday. It turns out I can't do both. My dad, who would have been able to watch the kids, is going golfing tomorrow. My mom and siblings are heading down to our hometown tomorrow morning. There is no one to watch the kids anyway. SIL decided to go with 5pm for the party, so it could have been done. We just don't have anyone to watch the kids now. My decision now is if I should leave tomorrow as planned with the kids to our hometown or wait for H on Friday. My dad said he could bring him with him on Friday so we wouldn't have two cars down there. I would really like to get there tomorrow to help her. She has a 3 year old and a 1 year old. I would like to offer as much help as I can.
Thanks again, everyone. I was really conflicted because H is pretty awesome about most things. He's not a bad guy. For some reason, he took this really personally. Like way more than normal for him.

[statlerwaldorf]

Jun 13, 2012 21:42:56 GMT -5 nuggetbrain said:

He probably took it personally because now he's caught up in his own mess of making plans for other people without asking first.

Yep. DH and I had that problem when we were first married. He would make plans without consulting me first and we had a couple similar situations. I didn't bend down to him and we made a system that (usually) works for us. If it is not written on the calendar, it doesn't exist.

[Muddled]

He probably is upset because he is the one that has to deal with his company and no one likes admitting he made a mistake, but it is what it is and he did make a mistake. I bet he won't do it again.

Have fun at your party!

[idris]

Thanks!! The kids and I are going down to our hometown sometime today. H said he would rather ride with my dad. *shrug* I don't know what to do with him.