My sister's husband is being a total dick. They've been married 3 years and he is currently getting his doctorate. He's under some stress, of course, but he's taking it out on my sister. I hate that I know all of this.
He told her he has no respect for her profession and that he thinks she doesn't want much in life. My sister is a kindergarten teacher at a private school. She makes pretty good money and is working on her Masters degree.
He called her slow (implying that it takes her forever to do things) and told her he doesn't understand why she is so close with her family. (she comes to visit us twice a year and my parents pay for the flights). He said he's been feeling disconnected from her.
The final straw for me was him telling her that he wished she were smarter so they could hold intelligent conversations about the things he is interested in.
They're in counseling currently. I want to hurt him. My sister is the sweetest person and I hate that I can't rescue her from this douche. I hope for her sake that she doesn't believe a word he says.
What do I say to her? Of course I want her to leave, but she is really hoping to work it out. They've been together since college and she's very opposed to divorce. Ugh.
My sister's husband is being a total dick. They've been married 3 years and he is currently getting his doctorate. He's under some stress, of course, but he's taking it out on my sister. I hate that I know all of this.
He told her he has no respect for her profession and that he thinks she doesn't want much in life. My sister is a kindergarten teacher at a private school. She makes pretty good money and is working on her Masters degree.
He called her slow (implying that it takes her forever to do things) and told her he doesn't understand why she is so close with her family. (she comes to visit us twice a year and my parents pay for the flights). He said he's been feeling disconnected from her.
The final straw for me was him telling her that he wished she were smarter so they could hold intelligent conversations about the things he is interested in.
They're in counseling currently. I want to hurt him. My sister is the sweetest person and I hate that I can't rescue her from this douche. I hope for her sake that she doesn't believe a word he says.
What do I say to her? Of course I want her to leave, but she is really hoping to work it out. They've been together since college and she's very opposed to divorce. Ugh.
That's awful nothing you can really do or say but remind her that she is awesome and doesn't deserve that.
I mean, there's really not much you can do except be available and support her. They're in counseling and that's a good start. Is she doing individual counseling?
They've each done a couple of individual sessions and start therapy together on Friday. I am going to rec that she stays in individual as well. The therapist has told him that he needs individual sessions to continue.
What does he want to talk about which she can't? I mean if she's getting her masters, she must be fairly smart, no?
As far as calling her slow-I tell my H this sometimes because it always takes him twice as long to do something as it does me. But there is also a flip side to this--faster doesn't mean its better/done right or was thought thru very well. H is very detail oriented and most of the time his way results in better...results.
She is very smart...but he is smarter than most people even dream of being. Basically, the brains are all there, but the common sense and maturity isnt all there yet.
Eta: I think he wants to discuss his research & ideas pertaining to school. He's a chemical engineer.
She is very smart...but he is smarter than most people even dream of being. Basically, the brains are all there, but the common sense and maturity isnt all there yet.
Eta: I think he wants to discuss his research & ideas pertaining to school. He's a chemical engineer.
I think what he is missing is empathy, caring, manners, and the ability to not be a flaming asshole.
Sadly none of this sounds like the stress of a PhD program. He's just a dick. I hope therapy is able to help her see what she does deserve out of a relationship and make appropriate changes.
She is very smart...but he is smarter than most people even dream of being. Basically, the brains are all there, but the common sense and maturity isnt all there yet.
Eta: I think he wants to discuss his research & ideas pertaining to school. He's a chemical engineer.
oh, fuck him. there's all kinds of smart and he only has one, apparently (the chemical engineering kind). she, apparently, has at least one of her own (teaching) and likely more if she's able to go through life daily without stabbing him with a spork. if he can't respect that about her, clearly he doesn't respect that about anyone else, and would probably be a raging dickbag to any child he fathered who didn't share his exact interests.
i hope to hell she GTFO, asap. i have no patience for people like this. none.
She is very smart...but he is smarter than most people even dream of being. Basically, the brains are all there, but the common sense and maturity isnt all there yet.
Eta: I think he wants to discuss his research & ideas pertaining to school. He's a chemical engineer.
oh, fuck him. there's all kinds of smart and he only has one, apparently (the chemical engineering kind). she, apparently, has at least one of her own (teaching) and likely more if she's able to go through life daily without stabbing him with a spork. if he can't respect that about her, clearly he doesn't respect that about anyone else, and would probably be a raging dickbag to any child he fathered who didn't share his exact interests.
i hope to hell she GTFO, asap. i have no patience for people like this. none.
I completely agree with the children statement...I am scared she will have kids with him and he won't understand how to love them more than he loves himself.
She is very smart...but he is smarter than most people even dream of being. Basically, the brains are all there, but the common sense and maturity isnt all there yet.
Eta: I think he wants to discuss his research & ideas pertaining to school. He's a chemical engineer.
I think what he is missing is empathy, caring, manners, and the ability to not be a flaming asshole.
Sheldon, but at least Sheldon is somewhat likeable and tries to be somewhere close to human.
Ugh I am sorry for your sister That is awful. He sounds like an asshole. Working on your PhD is no reason to become an asshole to your spouse, or anyone for that matter. It sounds to me like something else might be going on here, I don't know what, but it does not sound like her really wants her around
Do you think he says these things hoping she will leave him?
He's said that he does not want a divorce and that he knows he is an ass hole. He says he's willing to stay in therapy to make it work. I just can't get over what he's said to her.
Um, Getting my phd did not cause me to become an asshole to my h.
Dick move BIL.
Right!? My H is getting a PhD. He's like, so much smarter than I am that it blows my mind. He has never once made me feel bad about that difference, nor has he ever made me feel dumb.