DH and I just moved to another state to be closer to his family and because he got a job offer. We struggled with the idea of the move and I ended up posting about it here. Ultimately, we decided to go for it. We've been here about a month now and I just started a great, well-paying job. All that said, I am so, so homesick. I know we could turn around and go back. I can easily go back to my job (which I loved), but DH would have to stick around here for a while until he finds something in our old city. The problem, mainly is that I won't change my mind again, so if we decide to go back that needs to be the final decision. I can't decide if that's the right call or not.
So, tell me about times that you've moved and the emotional aftermath of it. Were you happy, sad, indifferent? Did it take you a while to adjust? How long should I give it before I give into my sadness and go back home?
i moved from a very rural country town where I grew up, to the suburbs of a large city when I moved in with my H (then fiancé). It was hard at first, and I missed my family, and my old way of life. It took me maybe a year to adjust. I visited home often, and still do. I made friends here which helped a lot, and tried to find things I enjoyed doing here, like going to local restaurants and stuff like that.
I think you should give it at least 6 months before making a decision. If you still feel this way by christmas, go back home. But I think that if you stick it out for a while, you will find people and things that make your new place feel more like home to you.
I've moved a bit, both internally in the US (lived in the East Coast, Midwest and Pacific Northwest), and, well, moved from the Caribbean to here. Every time I have moved (as an adult, at least) the first few weeks are the honeymoon period, they're awesome (beyond the nightmare of actual,y unpacking) there's new sights to see, more restaurants to explore, new faves to have. But I swear, the first month hits, and all of a sudden, without question, I've done the what the fuck did I (or we) just do, and the fact that I can't find my fave brands in the supermarket makes me mental.
Depending on the place I moved to, those blues have come and left faster, but trust, in a month, it's still too early to tell (unless you moved to a dump . I can't tell you what to do obviously, but I hope this goes and you find your city is exciting!
I'm having a hard time adjusting too since I've been married. I miss commuting with my dad. I miss seeing my mom every day. I miss my dog most of all. She stayed with my parents. I know I just have to get used to a new routine. I agree with giving yourself six months. It takes time.
Also, this might not be something that you're interested in, but meet up groups might be able to help you meet people and make some friends in your new place.
Also, isabel I am literally just around the corner from you... so if you want to get together LET ME KNOW!
I totally didn't realize at all that you were the original poster and that we had just talked about living near each other the other day! ha ha SORRY!
Post by speckledfrog on Jun 19, 2013 16:28:20 GMT -5
It will be impossible for you to love your new place when you have one foot back in your old place. It takes time to settle. At 1 month you can probably barely find your way around town. Make an effort to get out there and see what there is to see. I didn't want to move either of the times I moved, but I really enjoyed both places I moved to. For me, it took 6 months to a year to feel really settled in. Work on making your house "home" and getting to know your new area.
I moved for H's career and I hate him, this place, and the last 8 years of my life.
Hugs.
Admittedly, I'm finally liking this place, it took me the longest - mostly because of the fucking winter that I hope I never go through again, even if, like all my blasted periods, you know it's going to happen. And possibly worse. Since I also moved for him, it was easy to blame him for this.
Of course, is that there's sun and warmth I'm beginning to like it again, but man, it was rough.
MN had been trying to redeem herself. Hopefully she continues doing a good job at it.
I'm from Texas, moved to Iowa. It suuucked and I was terribly homesick. But once I got into a routine with work and made friends there, it sucked less. I'd say it was a good year before I stopped wishing we could move back.
So then we eventually DID move back to Texas. And I immediately wanted to move back to Iowa. I missed my job, my friends, and the settled life routine we had going there. Yeah, I'm an idiot. It was a "grass is always greener" thing.
Post by ElizabethBennet on Jun 19, 2013 16:36:28 GMT -5
H and I have been married for 5 years and have lived in 3 different states. Except for the one year we lived with my parents (which was horrendous) we have never been closer than 4 hours to our families. Most of our marriage we have been 3k+ miles away.
It may be different for us because we're military and we HAVE to make it work, but it takes us at least a few months to feel like we actually live in a new city. You just went through a HUGE adjustment and it's going to take time. Even if you love your new city you still are going to have moments of missing "home."
Try to find things to get involved in in your community. Take drives and explore the area. If you are religious, try to find a church or something similar. If you spend your time just hating it and not making an effort you're going to be miserable.
It's not easy though and I'm sorry you're having a rough time .
Thanks for your thoughts everyone. It's good to know other people have experienced the same thing and I realize I'm not being totally rational about this. I think it's extra hard because I know we can go back, which makes it harder to stick it out. That said, we're going to really give it an effort for 6 months to a year and see how we feel. Fingers crossed I completely forget about all of this by the time we hit that mark.
@scottydeux - That really sucks. I hope you guys are able to make a change for the better soon.
@sake - You want to be my friend!? I swear this wasn't a ploy to get you to invite me to meet up. I'll shoot you a PM later this week.
It may be different for us because we're military and we HAVE to make it work, but it takes us at least a few months to feel like we actually live in a new city. You just went through a HUGE adjustment and it's going to take time. Even if you love your new city you still are going to have moments of missing "home."
Try to find things to get involved in in your community. Take drives and explore the area. If you are religious, try to find a church or something similar. If you spend your time just hating it and not making an effort you're going to be miserable.
It's not easy though and I'm sorry you're having a rough time .
Very much this. When we first moved to CA from MO I didn't even try. I was a pouty bitch for the first couple of months until my husband told me to pull my head out of my ass.
Get out & find stuff to do. Look on meetup.com. Like Lucy said, give it an honest shot.