Wedding Etiquette Dilemma

[Deleted]

I have a co-worker's wedding that DH and I are supposed to be attending tomorrow.  We RSVP'd months ago and DH said he would find someone to take his work on-call for the day.  He just told me he never did.


The wedding is tomorrow.  It's too late for him to find someone and when he's on-call, he ends up having to go in to work 90% of the time.  The wedding is outside of where he can travel while on-call.  I don't know what to do.  I have one co-worker I know is just going to the reception and am debating inviting her in his place.  I'm pissed right now and don't want to be the douche where someone doesn't show up.

[ginap]

I would just go alone.

[rosiedozie]

Jun 21, 2013 17:25:55 GMT -5 @tifvolley said:

  I have one co-worker I know is just going to the reception and am debating inviting her in his place.

I need clarification here - so you and your H were invited to the ceremony and reception, but this other coworker was just invited to the reception? So you want to invite her to be your +1 for the ceremony?

[Wrath0fKuus]

I would certainly yell at him a lot.

[Deleted]

I am going to go by myself right now, just trying to find someone as my +1.

Yes, I was thinking of inviting the co-worker who was just invited to my reception as my +1. Debating which one is worse. Having my +1 be a no show or inviting the co-worker.

[RoxMonster]

I would go alone. Do you know other people there you can socialize with?

[rosiedozie]

I would go alone - don't bring a new +1 and don't bring the other coworker with you to the ceremony. At least you'll have a built in buddy for the reception.

[Deleted]

Jun 21, 2013 17:37:32 GMT -5 RoxMonster said:

I would go alone. Do you know other people there you can socialize with?

Yes, there are a lot of people from work.  I'm not worried about that, just DH not showing up.  I feel like a major jerk and it's someone I work with.  Not good.

[ginap]

I assure that your H is not going to be the only no-show the day of and it's very likely that your co-worker won't even notice.

[Deleted]

If it's a work thing and other co-workers will be there, I would just go alone.

[RoxMonster]

Can you call or text the CW getting married (not sure if it's the bride or groom) and apologize profusely, saying you know it's last minute, but H had a work commitment come up that he absolutely can't get out of? (Not the total truth, but I wouldn't come out and say he forgot to take care of getting a replacement). It's doubtful at this stage in the game they can get money back from his dinner, but it might smooth things over for him not showing up.

[LeggsBenedict]

Jun 21, 2013 17:32:19 GMT -5 @tifvolley said:

I am going to go by myself right now, just trying to find someone as my +1.

Yes, I was thinking of inviting the co-worker who was just invited to my reception as my +1. Debating which one is worse. Having my +1 be a no show or inviting the co-worker.

But inviting the coworker who was invited to the reception to the ceremony won't solve anything. Because the (main) reason this is frowned upon is that they have now paid for a meal that your husband won't be there to eat, and your coworker is already invited to the reception/has a meal in her name.

I would not text the bride/groom that your husband can't make it. I'm sure they are busy today. Just apologize tomorrow when you see them.

[snickers]

Yeah I would probably just go alone.
I would be very pissed at H though...

[wildfloweragain]

Go alone. It happens. Not that big a deal.

DO NOT call or text the couple the night before their wedding.

[ohiowan]

I would think they'll be so busy socializing with their other guests that they won't notice your h isn't there.

[bonnie]

Jun 21, 2013 18:15:17 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

Do not call them tonight, they are really not interested in why your dh is not coming, and the meal/food orders are already made. Do not invite anyone in his place. Your dh's not bothering to call off is really really rude; go tomorrow, to the wedding and reception, and make his excuses as best you can, and enjoy the day. 

Agree with all of this.

This happened to me, one of my coworkers and his wife didn't come to our reception after RSVPing that they would. He never even offered an excuse or apology. Super awkward and at $100/plate, I was beyond pissed.

You should make your H send an extra wedding gift in an amount close to the cost of his meal. Teach him a lesson!

[Deleted]

Jun 21, 2013 18:35:05 GMT -5 @smace said:

I had half couples shown to my wedding I really didn't care. I also had a friend bring another friend as her +1 in lieu of her bf, didn't care about that either. I don't see why that's bad. The married couple will spend .02 seconds conversing with you and may not even realize who brought who.

But I'd be super ticked at my husband for sure

I agree with all of this.

[justkly]

I WOULD call the couple and let them know that it will just be you attending. I did not have to give my final count until the day of, so I would really have appreciated someone letting me know instead of pulling a no show. It would have saved me $150 x 5. Assholes.