My Marriage is Over - How to Move Forward?

[damomma]

I have been married just shy of 2 years. My husband is an alcoholic who cannot keep a job.  He was not this way when we met, he was gainfully employed and only a social drinker.  However soon after we married, his son passed away.  That is when the drinking became more frequent and it has steadily increased from there.  I have begged, pleaded and borrowed for him to seek alcohol treatment or grief counseling which he will not do.

When I told him a few months ago that I wanted a divorce he cried like a baby and begged me not to leave. So in mid May I told him he had until 6/30 to get his $hit together (quit the drinking and get a job). Well it is not looking like that is going to happen so I feel I need to prepare myself.

I want to ask him to leave our home but he says it belongs to both of us. We bought the house together and is deeded to both of us, but the loan is in my name. I feel like since I am the one who has been making the payments that I have every right to stay.

This is not what I expected when I said "I do" and I just don't know where to start. Any advice?

[zitiqueen]

Jun 21, 2013 19:40:53 GMT -5 damomma said:

I have been married just shy of 2 years. My husband is an alcoholic who cannot keep a job.  He was not this way when we met, he was gainfully employed and only a social drinker.  However soon after we married, his son passed away.  That is when the drinking became more frequent and it has steadily increased from there.  I have begged, pleaded and borrowed for him to seek alcohol treatment or grief counseling which he will not do.

When I told him a few months ago that I wanted a divorce he cried like a baby and begged me not to leave. So in mid May I told him he had until 6/30 to get his $hit together (quit the drinking and get a job). Well it is not looking like that is going to happen so I feel I need to prepare myself.

I want to ask him to leave our home but he says it belongs to both of us. We bought the house together and is deeded to both of us, but the loan is in my name. I feel like since I am the one who has been making the payments that I have every right to stay.

This is not what I expected when I said "I do" and I just don't know where to start. Any advice?

Just to save everybody some time and provide a crucial detail that you left out...

community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/74848068.aspx

[damomma]

Oh, sorry I didn't know I had to reference TK post.

[captainmel]

You gave him an ultimatum and you MUST follow through or he will never ever believe anything you say. Call a lawyer. If he isn't on the loan and the deed then you can just change the locks and listen to his crying on the front porch. But talk to a lawyer before you do this.

Alcoholism is real and it is awful and he will never change for you he has to want to change for himself. I can't imagine the pain of losing a child but he has to find a way to deal with it without alcohol.

[bullygirl979]

1) consult a lawyer
2) check out Al Anon
3) get to therapy--posthaste!

[Muddled]

If his name is on the title, he has as much right to the house as you do. You can't force him out of it.

Step 1 is to consult with a lawyer.

Now, off to see what you are hiding from us...

[needcoffee]

Go to a lawyer.   Good luck.

[lys]

Lawyer ASAP! You will get advice on what your state requires in a divorce, your rights and responsibilities as well as how best to protect yourself.

[omgguineapigs]

What detail did she leave out - the Swamp People part? Confused.

[omgguineapigs]

Maybe I'm going soft, but I need the specifics of this "ultimatum" - has he looked into AA? Has he applied for jobs? Has he considered a therapist? Has he made an EFFORT, even if unsuccessful? Or has he really not done a single thing?

[omgguineapigs]

I mean, if you're done you're done... but I've battled depression too, and for a LOT less than losing a child, and H would have looked like quite the asshole if he had left me rather than supported me, even when I couldn't get myself out of bed or take a shower. How long ago did he lose his son? Did he talk to anyone during that time?

[ECB]

Jul 1, 2013 19:19:47 GMT -5 omgguineapigs said:

What detail did she leave out - the Swamp People part? Confused.

yeah, I'm wondering the same thing.